:) Everything In It's Time

bye to blogger

noreply@blogger.com (cherie) — Fri, 23 Nov 2007 16:35:00 +0000

hey reader,
i've moved to wordpress.
had enough of blogger.
so it's cckq.wordpress.com
relink yea? thanks.

oh and i changed my email too! so if you havent received an email from me abt that,
please ask me if you see me online or something. thanks.

cherie

i want a float

noreply@blogger.com (cherie) — Thu, 22 Nov 2007 14:01:00 +0000

two days of cca leaders training.
turned out not as bad as i thought it would be.
tiring? a definite yes!
but i think i've learnt a bit. not to mention there's dragon boating today!
well, though we didn't really get to race the other group due to our series of unfortunate events, it was still an experience.
capsizing another time after the first.
two times, too much!

it kind of reminds me of how we keep sinking into emotions again and again. you try to pull yourself up to recover, but unknowingly, you start to fall into another one again.

incoherent talk here? i can feel myself floating up and down.
and i'm dead tired.
a week's passing again.

i love andrea! happy birthday dear girl!

besides, i love shan who kept me so entertained through this entire 2 day thingo.
i miss choir, friends who make me laugh and let me bully (eyes, the basses and tenors), girls whom i could always talk to (my dearest sops and altos) and of course my lovable juniors whom i would really love to get to know more.

for now, i need a float. nono, i am the float. eh? no. i am floating.
ahh darn.
the bed beckons.

when will it end?

noreply@blogger.com (cherie) — Tue, 20 Nov 2007 14:43:00 +0000

a cough that's so dry it induces tears, a flu that makes TISSUE my best friend over the weekend and in days to come. i can only hope i get better, really soon.
i can't wait for friday.
not looking forward to tmr and thurs.
thurs there's dragon boat. normally i would think it be interesting but recently, nah, i think i've just resigned to the fact tt i'm lazy and tired out with activities.
i thk by 30, i want to retire. seriously. i would be too tired out by then right?
retire, go to the beach, throw pebbles along the waters and make them skip aye?

ahh, retirement fantasy acting up again.

ok,i got to go slp and recharge battery. and you know what? i can really take the easy way out apply for a 2 day mc. and skip the whole darn thing.
or get my choir mates to kidnap me in a sack..

but no, i will just go and see what awaits.
and god shall provide me with strength and perseverance to get through yet, another tiring week.

obedience

noreply@blogger.com (cherie) — Tue, 13 Nov 2007 10:42:00 +0000

i suppose when things reach its limit, there's not much we can do.
only can turn to god, humble ourselves and say sorry for running away.

the pathway is broken
and the signs are unclear
and i dont know the reason, why you brought me here
but just because you love me,
the way that you do
i'm going to walk through the valley, if you want me to
-ginny owens

sometimes we all don't know why certain things happened or why we are in that predicament, but perhaps if we exercise patience and trust, we'll see what god's up to.
so i do know that i just want to be obedient and follow god, to delight in HIM.. and yes, i'm going to walk through wtv it is, if he wants me too. the amazing thing is that, i know i will not walk through it alone.

so he will guide me, through this whole busy period with choir, through all other things.

night life

noreply@blogger.com (cherie) — Fri, 09 Nov 2007 16:43:00 +0000

half a cup of booze from dad
fingers dancing on the keyboard
to the tunes of the melancholic moonlight sonata

an urgent call
change of timing
re-informing..
a second call
made me feel sympathetic.

finally settled at 1
letting tranquil classics sink in

prayer time.
some kind of night life eh?
some sort of prelude to 18.

my kind of night life:
to sit in a lounge, be serenade by the musicians on the cello, piano, violin, flute..
taste wine or maybe just
coffee
read a book or maybe just
talk..

ahh.. till 18 or maybe much later. there i go again dreaming of a wonderful adulthood. i thk it's much harder than i make it out to be.

and i used to thk that it's every 17's dream to want to taste their first champagne.. can't wait to step into adulthood yet, maybe i shld stop wanting to grow up too fast.
everything in HIS time.

much better

noreply@blogger.com (cherie) — Mon, 05 Nov 2007 19:18:00 +0000

somehow knowing that you understand and identified,
just listened
and even gave insight
made it all much better.

i just finished doing reflections for choir stuff and surprisingly it's not been emotional. in fact, i would say it's good that the teachers made us do it. and i really got in touch with how i felt.

resolutions made and whether they to be kept and carried out
only time will tell.

but today, i feel much much better.
perhaps it was dinner at aqua marine.

looking at chocolate coated strawberries made me happy!

hmm, why are my moods so swingy? brings to mind an essay topic.
teenage years are no doubt one of the toughest phase of life. do you agree?

snap your fingers and say!

noreply@blogger.com (cherie) — Sat, 03 Nov 2007 14:19:00 +0000

recently i've been indulging in much self-time
2 movies at the theatres myself
all of which are fantasies.

it brought to mind how one dreams to be like the protagonist in the story, to go through an adventure, to find true love at the end of it all, or so to speak.
it's crazy how one craves for that fairytale.
but life isn't a fairytale, is it?

i don't want to do my reflections afterall they are only due wednesday. i know i'm going to sink into a deeper emotional thing, sphere or whatever it is.
as it is, i'm.. tired?

well, i visited the arcade today.
walking pass those noisy machines made me thk of the old days.
it's been a few years at least since i last set foot into one.
yet somehow wishing those machines would morph into transformers
ready to save me from drowning into this emotional thing..

yes, it's been awhile since i felt this way. to think about my fantasies, dreams..
only to find at the end of it all..
i'm still that girl,
standing beside the traffic light, waiting for the green man to come on..
still prefer to wear just t shirt and jeans..
letting music sink into my mind to soothe, heal its way through me..
dream on..

so i walk on
well, the Busy's over.. promos over, pw over, even piano theory's over.
what now?
not sure.
i do know i got to rest, before i start picking up the books again.

i hate this. to know the solutions to the problem yet i want to wallow in self pity.
sigh. it seems like i have eternity to waste.
yet, i might nvr know what i'll wake up to, tmr.
so at the end of it all..
i want to say..

"why don't you just snap out of it!"

omg. that's so familiar. someone said tt in some show..
crap.. can't remember.
ahhh.. i bet ching/nat/gen or someone knows!
i miss those days!

lack of colour

noreply@blogger.com (cherie) — Thu, 01 Nov 2007 12:59:00 +0000

swallowing hard each time to keep the throat lubricated
as i rattle on breathlessly trying to beat 5 mins
again and

again.

scanning through the contact list to see if i could consult any
only to find many, by the name of "it's over"

well, i could put mine as
"excruciating"
"just screw it"

i don't know?

staring at the keyboard doesn't help much, nor the long to-do-list
this wk's been a dull grey.
just down and out.

good night

bad guy!

noreply@blogger.com (cherie) — Mon, 29 Oct 2007 12:17:00 +0000

yea, as the saying goes, a man's got to do what a man's got to do. i thk sometimes i have got to be brave enough to be the bad guy. for the greater good of everyone else. and yes, i realise that many a times, i have been too reliant on the "adults" to do things for me, for us. it's time i do something abt it.

but the recent no. of cases are really killing me. it disheartens me yet i know i shldn't be too affected by them. thousands of phone calls to make in 1 night. yet i know i want to make these calls. must give the adults a break.

but come to think of it.. i don't have to be the bad guy.. right? i can be the guy who tries to understand the opposite? i don't have to nag or rebuke. i can ask, understand, communicate tactfully. that's what i can do. i can be a friend who genuinely cares. and i want to. and i will.

so then again, there are always two sides to things. it's how one can choose to perceive it. i thk i need to be more perceptive. don't always look at the big picture.

recently, my favourite phrase has been "i am so tired.." no idea tired of what or why tired. just like to whine. sigh, should quit whining for no reasons. ohwell, no reason at all since i sleep at prob arnd 11 now and then.. must be because of the accumulated late nights watching tv or surfing net.

strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord
we will wait upon the Lord

indeed God will provide.

life's gd. infinite blessings received. what more can i ask for? can't wait for next week. this week's zzzz.. project work oral presentation? theory exam?
dreading both. ya, my favourite phrase also. "piano's killing me."

but we all know it won't kill right?

time to make the calls..
ring ring!
hello?
cherie's gonna win tonight!
gd bye!

haha, tt reminds me of green house cheer. oh well. bugging bugging bugging things, i hate much!
tata!

the other side?

noreply@blogger.com (cherie) — Sun, 21 Oct 2007 23:51:00 +0000

the grass always seems to be greener on the other side.

this morning, i'm reminded of the whole aspect of leaning on god's wisdom. and i really detest to make choices and decisions because most often than not, i end up making the choices and decisions that would gain approval from people. it's almost like a choice made seeking for acceptance, or sometimes even out of pure responsibility.

and yes, this verse just kept resounding in my mind this morning.

1 cor 1:25 for the foolishness of god is even wiser than the wisdom of man and the weakness of god is even stronger than the strength of man.

isn't that breath-taking? you know, the minute i read it, i went "wow!" many a times we are so caught up with many things, thoughts, we forget who God is. or maybe just the fact that he is big.

and you know, on sunday in church we discussed a lot abt surrendering to GOD. giving 100% surrender to HIM. i realise i have not really done so. for this period of time, i know i am still clinging on to one thing, at least, that i self-declared it consists of half my stress level. yes, and i certainly have not depended on GOD's wisdom to guide me, to teach me what to do.. i realise that some decisions i make, i do it just because i think i am in charge.. and not even praying abt them.

so i have decided, that i am going to depend on HIM for wisdom. depend on HIS wisdom to guide me into making decisions.

:( i really hate it when it bugs me so much. for some reason or another.
WAIT. god says, wait.

The same

noreply@blogger.com (cherie) — Thu, 18 Oct 2007 04:42:00 +0000

it's a wonder how one day your mood can be really good.
you feel happy, satisfied, contented.
yet the next day, your mood can change for the worse.
you feel grumpy, frustrated, upset.

it's a wonder how characters can change.. one day you can be forgiving, understanding, patient.
yet the next day, you can become unforgiving, less understanding, less patient.

i was pondering about this on my way home this afternoon.
and you know, i just felt so comforted that Jesus is always the same?

yesterday, today, forever you're the same
jesus your love,
will never ever change
you are here with me
watching over me
day after day,
you are my hiding place.

yes, isn't it amazing that jesus is always the same? his love never changes. no matter what. amazing right? unconditional love.. he is always that patient and forgiving. though at times, he may rebuke, but you know he's still the same.. how lovely is that eh?

help me to love, because You loved me despite everything.

17

noreply@blogger.com (cherie) — Mon, 08 Oct 2007 12:28:00 +0000

being 17 doesn't feel any different than being 16.
but i don't thk i would doubt that being 17 means more responsibilities that comes with decisions that was made.
now that i have lived through 17 years of my life, i can't imagine that i actually grew a bit.
growing yet at the same time i feel that i have lost part of myself in the process. yes, time for yet another joyluckclub yingying saint claire lesson!
no.
but yes, it isn't necessarily a bad thing either, to lose part of yourself.
oh well, maybe i didnt lose anyth, it's just the different behaviour that i have towards different people. somehow when i'm with the old friends, i giggle, talk abt random things randomly.. etc.

thank you nat gen ching for 7th of october 2007! i think you all never fail to surprise me, amuse me...

i feel so blessed to have friends like them who bother to wake early, knowing that i have church in the morning.. invade my bedroom and hide under my blanket while i was in the shower! burst into "happy birthday" the moment i stepped into the room! that morning, honey stars and tao hway tasted the best because they brought it for me for breakfast. aww.

it's amazing.

thanks to the rest too who hugged, msged, tagged,folded paper rose,aeroplane, wrote as well as gave presents etc. including my church friends!

you all put a smile on my face!

of course my family did a simple dinner at shaslik on friday night. it was simple, sweet. good food of course! baked oysters with cheese! icecream drenched in wine! succulent steak even the bread and butter tasted great! nice.

so, i thank god for everything!

waiting

noreply@blogger.com (cherie) — Thu, 04 Oct 2007 13:50:00 +0000

i'm waiting to hear from GOD.

i'm in a dilemma.
dilemmas actually.

hmm, maybe it isn't so much of a dilemma but rather.. i guess certain things and decisions have to be made soon? and i'm worried because all i really want to do is just to obey god. full stop. that's all. i want to please him. i want to do what he wants me to do. simple as that.

i'm praying. if god says yes. i will go. if he says no, then i will not go. in any case, i will trust in his will for me. and that somehow he will find a way out.

i met up with enai for dinner tonight. it was great, really. but i think i have a lot to ponder and think about and most importantly, to pray about.

whatever.

noreply@blogger.com (cherie) — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 02:07:00 +0000

yay! exams are over!
hmm, i think i came to a point where i told myself to accept whatever that happens.
but i do believe that whatever is going to happen will be good.
anyway,
i
am
annoyed.

with whom?
Happy Chocolate.
nth new.

pfft.

haha, guess what i did on my first day of freedom yesterday?
i went out with natalie pua! oh gosh, i love her so much!
we ate, shopped, walked around. and met amanda (nat's bestie)
walked around. stoned around.
i'm happy.
i got 3 dvds to watch. thousands of english drama serials to catch up with. whole long list of things to buy, a BOOK to read. (can you believe it? i actually went to the library yesterday!)

why yes, a book to read. and it's about reading people, body language and so on. haha, smth which i fantasize all day abt. which is to possess the power to read people's mind.. i try to actually but sometimes in vain. haha.

as you can see, i'm really having the time of my life. seriously.but things are going to get.. well.. eventful.

pfft.

i'm not complaining. just. annoyed.

agenda for today:
mock spa! (lol! what's the topic again?)
mtg mtg mtg mtg mtg mtg!
dentist =(
then...

SELF TIME!

i love to spend time alone sometimes. allows you to breathe and feel that you are actually existing. hmm, maybe i'll go shopping or maybe, it's time to pay esplanade another visit.
ohwell, we'll see how it goes.

i love nat!

RANDOM TO THE MAX!

noreply@blogger.com (cherie) — Fri, 28 Sep 2007 04:00:00 +0000

three papers done. one to go on monday. BIOBIOBIOBIOBIO!
hmm, so far my papers... hmm!
haha, oh well, i guess at this point, i think there's nth i can do alr but just to trust GOD. yup,HIS will be done.
HAHA!
as you can probably tell, i am super high now.. haha! must be the 3 hr paper that drove me mad. anyway, i'm feeling a little bored. so i decided to do some chain email thing. ahha, would have never expected me to do it.. of all people.. but i will just do it. since...i am resting and i got nth to do now =))
yay, the weekends are here!!
=)
KV550 in G minor has got to be the best thing ever!
ohmygosh! i just saw the weird timings of the post promo schedule.

1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
nope.

2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
> >yesterday. when i was yawning.
> >
> > 3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
> >
> >yup, especially the one which i used for the econs paper
> >
> >
> > 4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
> >
> >chicken
> >
> > 5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS?
> > no! =)
> >
> >
> > 6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
> > yes of course!
>>
> > 7. DO YOU USE SARCASM ALOT?
> >
> > nope. hee.
> >
> > 8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS ?
> > yes!
> >
> >
> > 9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?
> > yes! if... someone pays me? HAHA.
> >
> >
> > 10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL?
> > HONEY STARS!
> >
> >
> >
> > 11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
> > no.. i'm lazy.
> >
> >
> >
> > 12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG?
> > no.. my brother would concur that.
> >
> >
> >
> > 13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM?
> > err.. the one with lime icing and cream on the inside! tropicana is it?
> >
> >
> >
> > 4. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT
> > PEOPLE?
> > eyes
> >
> >
> >
> > 15. RED OR PINK?
> > BOTH!
> >
> >
> > 16. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF?
> > STRESS TOLERANCE
> >
> >
> > 17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST?
> > you all know who you are!!!!!
> >
> >
> > 18. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO SEND THIS BACK TO YOU?
> > skip
> >
> >
> >
> > 19. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING NOW?
> > black fbts! and no shoes!
> >
> >
> >
> > 20. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?
> > egg mcmuffin for breakfast
> >
> > 21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
> >JASON MRAZ! "i'm yours" aww..
> >
> >
> > 22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU
> > multi coloured!
> >
> >
> >
> > 23. FAVORITE SMELLS?
> > vanilla candles!
> >
> >
> > 24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
> > my mum =)
> >
> >
> >
> > 25. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU?
> > no one sent me.. i koped! haha, ohohoh, my choir pple were sending this around. of course in that case! rioHC pwns!
> >
> >
> > 26. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH?
> > basketball. the last time i did that was.... a long time ago at church.
> >
> > 27. HAIR COLOR?
> > brown,black with natural "highlights"
> >
> >
> > 28. EYE COLOR?
> > black. with a little brown as well.
> >
> >
> >
> > 29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?
> > yes!
> >
> >
> > 30. FAVORITE FOOD ?
> > hmm, don't really like eating.. grapes counted?
> >
> >
> > 31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?
> > HAPPY ENDINGS!
> >
> >
> > 32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?
> >
> > POWER RANGERS ON VCD! ok.. wait.. power rangers is not a movie. err.. i don't know. lol
> >
> > 33. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?
> >
> > grey
> >
> >
> > 34. SUMMER OR WINTER?
> >
> > spring!
> >
> >
> > 35. HUGS OR KISSES?
> > both!
> >
> > 36. FAVORITE DESSERT?
> > tao hway!! nata de coco!!
> >
> >
> >
> > 37. MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
> > -skip-
> >
> >
> >
> > 38. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
> > -skip-
> >
> >
> >
> > 39. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING
> > none. the bible?
> >
> >
> > 40. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?
> >
> >no mouse pad =)) laptop!
> >
> > 41. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON T.V. LAST NIGHT?
> > didn't watch!
> >
> >
> > 42. FAVORITE SOUND?
> > music. just music.
> >
> >
> > 43. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES ?
> > beatles!!
> >
> >
> > 44. WHAT IS THE FURTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME?
> >
> > ROMA!
> >
> > 45. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT?
> > no.. dont think so.. a jack of many.
> >
> >
> > 46. WHERE WERE YOU BORN?
> > SINGAPORE!
> >
> >
> > 47. WHOSE ANSWERS ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO GETTING BACK?
> >
> > skip.

so this is it..

noreply@blogger.com (cherie) — Sun, 23 Sep 2007 05:32:00 +0000

and this is it
it's down to only one day.
one week and a few more days.
what will happen and what would it be?
whom shall i fear? or rather
what shall i fear?
the Lord and gracious father
goes before me..

and i just have to believe that everything is perfect
in His time and in His will.
come what may,
whatever it may be..
i just want to trust him.

p.s. all the best to everyone else having exams. take care!

:(

noreply@blogger.com (cherie) — Wed, 19 Sep 2007 10:00:00 +0000

i just wrote a very angry entry. and yes, i deleted it.
:(
it's irritating to know that you are upset but you don't really want to be upset abt things because you know you shldn't be.
do i make sense?
then again, it's not wrong to feel upset cause we are created with emotions?
but it's just..i feel very stupid doing things or feeling things that is wrong and that i'm aware of it.

and this phrase just made me feel so upset. (for nth)
"Mistakes- it could be that the purpose of your life is only to serve as a warning to others"

like why am i even upset abt it in the first place when i have a truckload of rebuttals and counter arguments?

:( it's just not my day today. better stop before this ends up like the previous entry.

down to a single digit

noreply@blogger.com (cherie) — Sun, 16 Sep 2007 05:34:00 +0000

many people think it's dumb to do countdowns to major events such as examinations for instance, but i think it's good because at least it gives you a sense of expectation or anticipation.

but then again, on the flip side, too much anticipation or expectation isn't that good either.

anyway, it's down to a single digit. yup, EIGHT's the magic number.

well, this week has been almost the same as every other week. things in school have probably come to a standstill or rather routine. and tutorials have been rather light in a sense because we're going through revision and not learning anything new.

but i do need to make more use of my breaks in between instead of hanging around, binching on food in the canteen or just watch people play cards. how lame is that.ya, i have been eating more in sch in between breaks..

but yes, i love to watch. watch people, observe things around.. think of random things..

but yes,i need to study or find some secluded place in sch to just mug instead of wasting time away. but i really really find that i can't study in sch for nuts. i think i need to sit in a empty white room to study. or maybe a vacuum space. then i wont have anything around to look at or be distracted by things around me.

econs tuition just now made my brain all gooey.
but yes, GOD has been good. and i am really glad to see him work in the lives of the people around. it's just amazing to share people's joy or know that they have been hungering more for HIS word. keeping them in prayer.
yes, GOD is good despite the fact that i will only be able to attend church from 8.30-9.30 for the next 2 weeks.. cant even go mum's church now since chem tuition can't be postponed or rescheduled. =( but in all things god works for the good of those who love him.

random: haha, on a more "bimbotic" note, i've got 6 different coloured hairbands now. how cool is that? 6 different colours to match what i wear in future. and the cooler fact is that my mum actually bought them because it was so cheap.. and.. apparently because she saw that i broke my previous orange one. HA. okay, yay! i've got 6 now..

i think recently, or maybe this week, i've been thinking a lot about the promises GOD gave, inheritance that he promised us in heaven. probably caused i've been reading ephesians this week.

eph 1:13-14
"13And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit,
14who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God's possession—to the praise of his glory."

and yes, i shared this before but i think it still hits me as a very breathtaking fact that i am marked. i always ponder and think to myself sometimes why would god love me? like us humans being so small like ants all scattered around on earth and GOD who is so big..and to think that i have a guarantee.. or an "insurance" of treasures in heaven so much better than silver and gold or anything on earth. and it just brings me back to god's love for man, for me..

and it was around midweek where i started thinking about the jars of clay passage in the bible.

2cor 4:16-18
"16Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. 17For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 18So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."

i think this verse comforted a lot. because i think every now and then i am very tempted to think of stupid things when i am very stressed or tired of doing things. but see, "though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we're being renewed day by day." praise god for that! and the best part comes where "our MOMENTARY troubles are achieving for us an ETERNAL glory that far OUTWEIGHS them all."

yes, it reminds me of a passage in zechariah.. i thk. of how we're always being tested and in the process we become refined..

oh well, i think i've been very encouraged. and yup, my encouragement to you is that you'll hunger for god's word too =) and i really agree that the bible comes alive when you really read into it. afterall, it's god- breathed, useful as a tool for admonishing and teaching.

this week

noreply@blogger.com (cherie) — Sat, 08 Sep 2007 15:06:00 +0000

looking back at what i have done this week.. i thk i did a fair bit but still not enough. considering that i wake up at 8 daily and slp by 10 plus every night without fail.

but i do thank god for many things this week.
i thank god for parents who would love me enough to take leave and half day leaves to stay home and monitor me to study.
i thank god for a new inspiring math tutor whom i absolutely dare not defy or not do math tuition hmwk..
( i really really really dislike maths, because it's so draining to do the stacks of hmwk she gives me but yet i want to do it..not for anyone, but for myself. don't get me wrong though, i really like my new math tutor.. somehow she reminds me of ms chye, just not that eccentric, but she's nice. so i'm thankful.)
i thank god for the times where i could just worship with the piano or guitar in between during breaks.

at the same time, i've my fair share of stressed up periods this week. yes, i get so upset whenever my tutors cancel on me or reschedule.. then i have to adjust my schedule again. hmm, reminds me of how i shld nvr cancel on my tutors unnecessarily. and whenever i look at my schedule and timetable i feel as though i have so little time and still so much to study. and then i start getting stressed of not knowing if i can cover everything since i am slightly behind time already.

sch reopening on monday, and.. it's just going to get busier, with additional sch consultation periods as well as my own tuitions and not forgetting i still have to squeeze in time for my own revision. it's really only 15 more days.

yes, i am stressed. but i am okay. seems contradicting huh? but i thk you get what i mean. so don't have to worry. and yes, i'm ok because i know in the end things wld work out, and i have faith god will see me through. just have to try and eliminate that bit of stress.. haha. and yes, how? by letting god's peace consume me. peace that passes all understanding, that will guard my heart and my mind.. i want to feel that way.. reminds me of days where i sat by the ledge near my window and just daydream, look outside or even just sitting in esplanade library.. again, looking out of a window. haha.. i love looking out of windows and daydreaming. (hmm, probably a trait i picked up from my mother.)

other than that, i think god is amazing. i just finished colossians. and yes, it speaks abt how we are reconciled to god because of his finished work on the cross and the way we shld respond is to be set apart.

"so then just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in Him, rooted and built up in Him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness."

ok, i got to go slp. going to miss my church people for tmr and the following sunday. yes because i have econs tuition every sunday morning, and, yes, attending my mum's church's afternoon services.
that reminds me, i have an econs essay test tmr.
market failure and market structures..

tsk.
and i desperately need to finish my integration hmwk by tmr.

tired

noreply@blogger.com (cherie) — Fri, 07 Sep 2007 10:31:00 +0000

i feel so tired. sigh, it's funny how i thought to myself before that maybe.. just maybe.. i would love to study. like after exams there would absolutely be.. nothing to do. (NOT! haha.) but i feel so tired.. looking at my schedule, looking at the things i have not studied, thinking abt whether i can even remember those things that i have studied.

muscles all tensed up. yes, definitely stressed out.
trying to breathe.
dang. i am worrying.

yes, sigh..
my notes are screaming to be picked up.
so tired...
i feel so whiny. haha, and i really want to call someone and just go.. "hey, i am so tired..." and then fall asleep while saying tt. haha.

"hello!"
"hey, how are you?"
"i am so tired..............."
"haha, go sleep?"
"....."
"hello?"
"...."
"err... are you there?"
"..."
"hello?"

ahh.. imagine the reaction of the person on the other line. well, that just made me chuckle.
when things get so tiring, you just find some random things to think abt to keep yourself awake.

back to the books.

Rejoice

noreply@blogger.com (cherie) — Tue, 28 Aug 2007 07:22:00 +0000

i was reading Philippians 1 last night before i went to bed.
and i felt very encouraged after it. basically, it's because i found it amazing that even when Paul is in chains, he can still stand firm and rejoice in the lord. like it's just amazing how in the worse of all situations, in prison, he can still praise god with thanksgiving.

even more, i think this paragraph really struck me.

19for I know that through your prayers and the help given by the Spirit of Jesus Christ, what has happened to me will turn out for my deliverance.

(when i read this i was reminded of how i should have faith, and have full assurance that God will deliver me from my situation, after all, i think i really have a lot of people backing me up with prayer besides praying for myself. and yes, whatever that i am going through, serves to develop perseverance, it's definitely a test of my faith. and like what she told me, she thinks God called her to place me in Happy Chocolate jc because of this very reason. YES, BELIEVE THAT WTV TEST THAT I AM PLACED IN NOW, WIIL TURN OUT TO DELIVER ME, TO TEACH ME. and yes, i agree that sometimes we may not be fully convicted in the things we believe through the lessons we've learnt.that's why God will continue to teach us through our daily circumstances.)

20I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death. 21For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.

22If I am to go on living in the body, this will mean fruitful labor for me. Yet what shall I choose? I do not know!

23I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far;

24but it is more necessary for you that I remain in the body.

25Convinced of this, I know that I will remain, and I will continue with all of you for your progress and joy in the faith,

26so that through my being with you again your joy in Christ Jesus will overflow on account of me.

(back to my sharing)
to think that i actually thought that it would be extremely fantaastic if i could go to heaven like NOW. haha, i recall mike asking this question at service that day, and i was lamenting to my brother that.. yes like totally, i would want to go to heaven now now now.cause there isn't any studying in heaven right? haha! yes, it's always good to to expect gifts that are stored for us in heaven and be excited about it, but i thk i am reminded of smth which is to know what it means to suffer for Christ.

in paul's case,he suffered for Christ while preaching the gospel. and because of what he did and the attitude he chose to adopt, others became more bold to speak the living word and more encouraged to stand firm in their faith. so, in that way, God's purpose is fulfilled through him. Similarly, i saw it as how Christ may be glorified when i emerge victorious from the situation i am now in.

haha, an angel resides in my room with good news. It says, "This is a great test, be not afraid. God's holding your hand. the victory is near." yes, that's what i want to encourage everyone else too.

yes, back to the aspect on joy. www.dictionary.com says that 'joy' means to be glad.. i guess the word 'glad' portrays this feeling of being contented. and now i see even more clearly what Enai meant when she was sharing on how 'joy' does not equate to feeling happy but rather, to be contented. i realised paul mentioned the word 'joy', 'rejoice' more than once in the chapter. how he continues to pray with joy, rejoice knowing that he is not alone in his prayers, rejoice even though people preach with false intentions..

i think we can all learn from paul to praise god in all circumstances, for all things..to be prayerful and joyful knowing that God does things with a purpose..

breathtaking passage.
makes me want to continue studying the book of Philippians.

on a side note, school feels considerably more relaxing now that choir has stopped. but i guess not only choir la, but perhaps i am feeling more comfortable with everyone else around me.

well, for now, i'm good, besides the fact that i need to keep to my schedule of studying.

exaaams!

noreply@blogger.com (cherie) — Thu, 23 Aug 2007 18:43:00 +0000

so here's the schedule for my promos:

24th sept:
-GP 0815-1145
-Econs 1300-1600

25th sept:
-Chem 0815-1115

28th sept:
-Math 0815-1115

1st Oct:
-Bio 0815-1015

2nd Oct:
-MOCK SPA SKILL A BIO 1300-1400

please keep me in prayer =) thanks so much.
oh well, another week has gone by and yes, it's pretty late now. i just completed my EOM.
on a side note, i guess this week has just been a very encouraging week? not that i didnt have my downs this week but yes, managed to read a blog or two and i feel blessed by them? it's seeing how people stand firm in their faith despite whatever they're going through that makes me want to be strong too.

well, think i have been trying to sort out my thoughts again and again and again, to only find that i still cry, tear still get frustrated and stressed out... yes, but after yesterday, i told myself, no more of those. to thk i felt a little ashamed on wed because of a little incident. yes, perhaps it was a blessing in disguise because if it didnt happened, it wouldn't have softened someone's heart and i'm glad it did, because i can feel that it is causing a change in someone. otherwise, i felt like i needed to ust let everything out yet after the whole hoo-ha, i felt bad about being so huliqunao... or just emotionally weak la. oh yes, it's really the promos that's getting into everyone, making everyone stressed. 32 more days.

yes, no more breaking down after wed. because you know i feel really blessed by the people around. my family, choir friends.. everyone's just been so understanding and supportive, and encouraging. i thank god for friends who could spare the time to sit and pray with me, to listen to my cries, to comfort me..i thank god for teachers who were genuinely concerned and cared. i thank god for people who would choose not to pamper me but urge me to stand up when i fall, to share with me her personal struggles and how god has been faithful, to assure me that i was fine, to counsel me the whole car ride, to advise me on the next step, to keep me in prayer, to promise to monitor me...she believes god is working something in me, teaching me smth during this period..i thk so too..

and yes, i prayed that at this point, i really don't know what to do, and i can't do it by myself and i'm not going to do it by my own strength or try to go my own way. i heard a podcast just now abt faith in god and how we always try to tell god what to do and what we want, not letting him mould us or guide us. yes, in a way, i have been that way.. and so, no more.. at this point,i really can't do anything already. all i know is that i just have to try my best and trust god. no doubting anymore. i shall not fear, cause victory is near. and i have victory because i have jesus.

i'm going to be patient and see god's miracle unfold in my life. and i'm certain that it will. god is really good. the moment i read my emails, the daily devotion read "do not be anxious abt anyth. but with prayer and petition presents your requests to god, and the peace that transcends all understanding shall guard your heart and mind in Christ Jesus." amen to that.

and yes, although i still find it hard to experience joy in school,joy meaning being CONTENTED at where i am, knowing that god has placed me there for a purpose, i am going to throw away my entire mindset abt hating school. i am going to start loving school, start loving the people around me including those who pretend they care. yes, i got to be brave and courageous, cause the lord is behind me in this battle.

other than that, i've got 2 hrs to catch some slp before i wake for school tmr. it's friday. yay!

hiatus

noreply@blogger.com (cherie) — Sun, 12 Aug 2007 01:55:00 +0000

haha, i went on hiatus and that's what i am going to do just yet.
how ironic. i am updating now to say that i am going to stop writing til the exams are over?
ok. life's been err.. challenging.

1)trying to find joy in what i do, find joy in HIM.
2)trying to put off all other distractions till the end of exams.
3)trying to move away from the past knowing that the past was a memory blessed by GOD. and from there, move on. not going to be very helpful or good to hold on so much. have to be independent, strong.. not for myself but for others also.

coming to that, i was actually listening to dolly suite by gabriel faure that day and i immediately remembered the times i had practices with aiwei. and eine klein nachtmusik kv 525 by dearest Amadeus.

i miss prokofiev and mep. and i never realised how much i really loved it till i listened to it again. must be too blinded and irritated while studying it for MEP last yr. sigh.

4)trying to stop doing all sorts of stupid stupid things.

yes, that's life so far.
promos: 25sept-2nd october

i really want to go to j2. now now, don't come to me and say that is definitely possible or whatever consolation you have for me because it is really that difficult. ya, and i have to put in the extra effort to do so. and if you do not understand my predicament then i suggest you shouldn't come to me saying that i should not study so hard.
well, on second thoughts, ya, it's definitely possible to go to j2 because i have GOD. now, how's that?

i really hate it when a whole lot of contradictions start to plague my mind.

i love prokofiev and i think that the 2nd movement is awesome.

i quit

noreply@blogger.com (cherie) — Fri, 13 Jul 2007 14:07:00 +0000

i think i will just stop writing for awhile. and yes, i havent been writing much here anyway. ya, i thk i want to stop writing firstly because i thk i really can't bring myself to update anymore. too many things have happened, too many hidden, too many unsaid, too many "you-won't understand(s)", too many vague entries, too many surface sharings.. and yes, i know this is not being very accountable but ya, come talk to me if you see me arnd in church or corridors in sch if you really want to la. =)

but yes, anyway, at this point of time, there's nth much interesting abt my daily life unless you want to be reminded of sch days. (which i doubt you wld want to, unless you are working of course) but yes.. sigh, what am i going to do if i don't study?

can't take it. i'm sorry i can't completely be honest with you all regarding so many things. maybe cause i can't face it myself, or perhaps i can;t come to terms with them. at this point, i dont even know what. and i'll just end up whining and being a comprain-queen.. yes.

that's it. thanks for being interested thus far. hope to write soon? prob. when i feel that i amr eady to be more open.
xie xie.

heal over

noreply@blogger.com (cherie) — Tue, 10 Jul 2007 14:30:00 +0000

i am tired. as usual. what's new?

isn't very difficult to see why
you are the way you are
doesn't take a genius to realise
that sometimes life is hard
it's gonna take time
but you just have to wait
you're gonna be fine
but in the mean time
i'm over here, lady,
let me wipe your tears away
come a little little out, baby,
cause you'll heal over, heal over
heal over,
someday.

got to jiayou.