:) Everything In It's Time

bye to blogger

2007-11-24T00:35:00.000+08:00

hey reader,
i've moved to wordpress.
had enough of blogger.
so it's cckq.wordpress.com
relink yea? thanks.

oh and i changed my email too! so if you havent received an email from me abt that,
please ask me if you see me online or something. thanks.

cherie

i want a float

2007-11-22T22:01:00.000+08:00

two days of cca leaders training.
turned out not as bad as i thought it would be.
tiring? a definite yes!
but i think i've learnt a bit. not to mention there's dragon boating today!
well, though we didn't really get to race the other group due to our series of unfortunate events, it was still an experience.
capsizing another time after the first.
two times, too much!

it kind of reminds me of how we keep sinking into emotions again and again. you try to pull yourself up to recover, but unknowingly, you start to fall into another one again.

incoherent talk here? i can feel myself floating up and down.
and i'm dead tired.
a week's passing again.

i love andrea! happy birthday dear girl!

besides, i love shan who kept me so entertained through this entire 2 day thingo.
i miss choir, friends who make me laugh and let me bully (eyes, the basses and tenors), girls whom i could always talk to (my dearest sops and altos) and of course my lovable juniors whom i would really love to get to know more.

for now, i need a float. nono, i am the float. eh? no. i am floating.
ahh darn.
the bed beckons.

when will it end?

2007-11-20T22:43:00.000+08:00

a cough that's so dry it induces tears, a flu that makes TISSUE my best friend over the weekend and in days to come. i can only hope i get better, really soon.
i can't wait for friday.
not looking forward to tmr and thurs.
thurs there's dragon boat. normally i would think it be interesting but recently, nah, i think i've just resigned to the fact tt i'm lazy and tired out with activities.
i thk by 30, i want to retire. seriously. i would be too tired out by then right?
retire, go to the beach, throw pebbles along the waters and make them skip aye?

ahh, retirement fantasy acting up again.

ok,i got to go slp and recharge battery. and you know what? i can really take the easy way out apply for a 2 day mc. and skip the whole darn thing.
or get my choir mates to kidnap me in a sack..

but no, i will just go and see what awaits.
and god shall provide me with strength and perseverance to get through yet, another tiring week.

obedience

2007-11-13T18:42:00.000+08:00

i suppose when things reach its limit, there's not much we can do.
only can turn to god, humble ourselves and say sorry for running away.

the pathway is broken
and the signs are unclear
and i dont know the reason, why you brought me here
but just because you love me,
the way that you do
i'm going to walk through the valley, if you want me to
-ginny owens

sometimes we all don't know why certain things happened or why we are in that predicament, but perhaps if we exercise patience and trust, we'll see what god's up to.
so i do know that i just want to be obedient and follow god, to delight in HIM.. and yes, i'm going to walk through wtv it is, if he wants me too. the amazing thing is that, i know i will not walk through it alone.

so he will guide me, through this whole busy period with choir, through all other things.

night life

2007-11-10T00:43:00.000+08:00

half a cup of booze from dad
fingers dancing on the keyboard
to the tunes of the melancholic moonlight sonata

an urgent call
change of timing
re-informing..
a second call
made me feel sympathetic.

finally settled at 1
letting tranquil classics sink in

prayer time.
some kind of night life eh?
some sort of prelude to 18.

my kind of night life:
to sit in a lounge, be serenade by the musicians on the cello, piano, violin, flute..
taste wine or maybe just
coffee
read a book or maybe just
talk..

ahh.. till 18 or maybe much later. there i go again dreaming of a wonderful adulthood. i thk it's much harder than i make it out to be.

and i used to thk that it's every 17's dream to want to taste their first champagne.. can't wait to step into adulthood yet, maybe i shld stop wanting to grow up too fast.
everything in HIS time.

much better

2007-11-06T03:18:00.000+08:00

somehow knowing that you understand and identified,
just listened
and even gave insight
made it all much better.

i just finished doing reflections for choir stuff and surprisingly it's not been emotional. in fact, i would say it's good that the teachers made us do it. and i really got in touch with how i felt.

resolutions made and whether they to be kept and carried out
only time will tell.

but today, i feel much much better.
perhaps it was dinner at aqua marine.

looking at chocolate coated strawberries made me happy!

hmm, why are my moods so swingy? brings to mind an essay topic.
teenage years are no doubt one of the toughest phase of life. do you agree?

snap your fingers and say!

2007-11-03T22:19:00.000+08:00

recently i've been indulging in much self-time
2 movies at the theatres myself
all of which are fantasies.

it brought to mind how one dreams to be like the protagonist in the story, to go through an adventure, to find true love at the end of it all, or so to speak.
it's crazy how one craves for that fairytale.
but life isn't a fairytale, is it?

i don't want to do my reflections afterall they are only due wednesday. i know i'm going to sink into a deeper emotional thing, sphere or whatever it is.
as it is, i'm.. tired?

well, i visited the arcade today.
walking pass those noisy machines made me thk of the old days.
it's been a few years at least since i last set foot into one.
yet somehow wishing those machines would morph into transformers
ready to save me from drowning into this emotional thing..

yes, it's been awhile since i felt this way. to think about my fantasies, dreams..
only to find at the end of it all..
i'm still that girl,
standing beside the traffic light, waiting for the green man to come on..
still prefer to wear just t shirt and jeans..
letting music sink into my mind to soothe, heal its way through me..
dream on..

so i walk on
well, the Busy's over.. promos over, pw over, even piano theory's over.
what now?
not sure.
i do know i got to rest, before i start picking up the books again.

i hate this. to know the solutions to the problem yet i want to wallow in self pity.
sigh. it seems like i have eternity to waste.
yet, i might nvr know what i'll wake up to, tmr.
so at the end of it all..
i want to say..

"why don't you just snap out of it!"

omg. that's so familiar. someone said tt in some show..
crap.. can't remember.
ahhh.. i bet ching/nat/gen or someone knows!
i miss those days!

lack of colour

2007-11-01T20:59:00.000+08:00

swallowing hard each time to keep the throat lubricated
as i rattle on breathlessly trying to beat 5 mins
again and

again.

scanning through the contact list to see if i could consult any
only to find many, by the name of "it's over"

well, i could put mine as
"excruciating"
"just screw it"

i don't know?

staring at the keyboard doesn't help much, nor the long to-do-list
this wk's been a dull grey.
just down and out.

good night

bad guy!

2007-10-29T20:17:00.000+08:00

yea, as the saying goes, a man's got to do what a man's got to do. i thk sometimes i have got to be brave enough to be the bad guy. for the greater good of everyone else. and yes, i realise that many a times, i have been too reliant on the "adults" to do things for me, for us. it's time i do something abt it.

but the recent no. of cases are really killing me. it disheartens me yet i know i shldn't be too affected by them. thousands of phone calls to make in 1 night. yet i know i want to make these calls. must give the adults a break.

but come to think of it.. i don't have to be the bad guy.. right? i can be the guy who tries to understand the opposite? i don't have to nag or rebuke. i can ask, understand, communicate tactfully. that's what i can do. i can be a friend who genuinely cares. and i want to. and i will.

so then again, there are always two sides to things. it's how one can choose to perceive it. i thk i need to be more perceptive. don't always look at the big picture.

recently, my favourite phrase has been "i am so tired.." no idea tired of what or why tired. just like to whine. sigh, should quit whining for no reasons. ohwell, no reason at all since i sleep at prob arnd 11 now and then.. must be because of the accumulated late nights watching tv or surfing net.

strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord
we will wait upon the Lord

indeed God will provide.

life's gd. infinite blessings received. what more can i ask for? can't wait for next week. this week's zzzz.. project work oral presentation? theory exam?
dreading both. ya, my favourite phrase also. "piano's killing me."

but we all know it won't kill right?

time to make the calls..
ring ring!
hello?
cherie's gonna win tonight!
gd bye!

haha, tt reminds me of green house cheer. oh well. bugging bugging bugging things, i hate much!
tata!

the other side?

2007-10-22T07:51:00.000+08:00

the grass always seems to be greener on the other side.

this morning, i'm reminded of the whole aspect of leaning on god's wisdom. and i really detest to make choices and decisions because most often than not, i end up making the choices and decisions that would gain approval from people. it's almost like a choice made seeking for acceptance, or sometimes even out of pure responsibility.

and yes, this verse just kept resounding in my mind this morning.

1 cor 1:25 for the foolishness of god is even wiser than the wisdom of man and the weakness of god is even stronger than the strength of man.

isn't that breath-taking? you know, the minute i read it, i went "wow!" many a times we are so caught up with many things, thoughts, we forget who God is. or maybe just the fact that he is big.

and you know, on sunday in church we discussed a lot abt surrendering to GOD. giving 100% surrender to HIM. i realise i have not really done so. for this period of time, i know i am still clinging on to one thing, at least, that i self-declared it consists of half my stress level. yes, and i certainly have not depended on GOD's wisdom to guide me, to teach me what to do.. i realise that some decisions i make, i do it just because i think i am in charge.. and not even praying abt them.

so i have decided, that i am going to depend on HIM for wisdom. depend on HIS wisdom to guide me into making decisions.

:( i really hate it when it bugs me so much. for some reason or another.
WAIT. god says, wait.

The same

2007-10-18T12:42:00.000+08:00

it's a wonder how one day your mood can be really good.
you feel happy, satisfied, contented.
yet the next day, your mood can change for the worse.
you feel grumpy, frustrated, upset.

it's a wonder how characters can change.. one day you can be forgiving, understanding, patient.
yet the next day, you can become unforgiving, less understanding, less patient.

i was pondering about this on my way home this afternoon.
and you know, i just felt so comforted that Jesus is always the same?

yesterday, today, forever you're the same
jesus your love,
will never ever change
you are here with me
watching over me
day after day,
you are my hiding place.

yes, isn't it amazing that jesus is always the same? his love never changes. no matter what. amazing right? unconditional love.. he is always that patient and forgiving. though at times, he may rebuke, but you know he's still the same.. how lovely is that eh?

help me to love, because You loved me despite everything.

17

2007-10-08T20:28:00.000+08:00

being 17 doesn't feel any different than being 16.
but i don't thk i would doubt that being 17 means more responsibilities that comes with decisions that was made.
now that i have lived through 17 years of my life, i can't imagine that i actually grew a bit.
growing yet at the same time i feel that i have lost part of myself in the process. yes, time for yet another joyluckclub yingying saint claire lesson!
no.
but yes, it isn't necessarily a bad thing either, to lose part of yourself.
oh well, maybe i didnt lose anyth, it's just the different behaviour that i have towards different people. somehow when i'm with the old friends, i giggle, talk abt random things randomly.. etc.

thank you nat gen ching for 7th of october 2007! i think you all never fail to surprise me, amuse me...

i feel so blessed to have friends like them who bother to wake early, knowing that i have church in the morning.. invade my bedroom and hide under my blanket while i was in the shower! burst into "happy birthday" the moment i stepped into the room! that morning, honey stars and tao hway tasted the best because they brought it for me for breakfast. aww.

it's amazing.

thanks to the rest too who hugged, msged, tagged,folded paper rose,aeroplane, wrote as well as gave presents etc. including my church friends!

you all put a smile on my face!

of course my family did a simple dinner at shaslik on friday night. it was simple, sweet. good food of course! baked oysters with cheese! icecream drenched in wine! succulent steak even the bread and butter tasted great! nice.

so, i thank god for everything!

waiting

2007-10-04T21:50:00.000+08:00

i'm waiting to hear from GOD.

i'm in a dilemma.
dilemmas actually.

hmm, maybe it isn't so much of a dilemma but rather.. i guess certain things and decisions have to be made soon? and i'm worried because all i really want to do is just to obey god. full stop. that's all. i want to please him. i want to do what he wants me to do. simple as that.

i'm praying. if god says yes. i will go. if he says no, then i will not go. in any case, i will trust in his will for me. and that somehow he will find a way out.

i met up with enai for dinner tonight. it was great, really. but i think i have a lot to ponder and think about and most importantly, to pray about.

whatever.

2007-10-02T10:07:00.000+08:00

yay! exams are over!
hmm, i think i came to a point where i told myself to accept whatever that happens.
but i do believe that whatever is going to happen will be good.
anyway,
i
am
annoyed.

with whom?
Happy Chocolate.
nth new.

pfft.

haha, guess what i did on my first day of freedom yesterday?
i went out with natalie pua! oh gosh, i love her so much!
we ate, shopped, walked around. and met amanda (nat's bestie)
walked around. stoned around.
i'm happy.
i got 3 dvds to watch. thousands of english drama serials to catch up with. whole long list of things to buy, a BOOK to read. (can you believe it? i actually went to the library yesterday!)

why yes, a book to read. and it's about reading people, body language and so on. haha, smth which i fantasize all day abt. which is to possess the power to read people's mind.. i try to actually but sometimes in vain. haha.

as you can see, i'm really having the time of my life. seriously.but things are going to get.. well.. eventful.

pfft.

i'm not complaining. just. annoyed.

agenda for today:
mock spa! (lol! what's the topic again?)
mtg mtg mtg mtg mtg mtg!
dentist =(
then...

SELF TIME!

i love to spend time alone sometimes. allows you to breathe and feel that you are actually existing. hmm, maybe i'll go shopping or maybe, it's time to pay esplanade another visit.
ohwell, we'll see how it goes.

i love nat!

RANDOM TO THE MAX!

2007-09-28T12:00:00.000+08:00

three papers done. one to go on monday. BIOBIOBIOBIOBIO!
hmm, so far my papers... hmm!
haha, oh well, i guess at this point, i think there's nth i can do alr but just to trust GOD. yup,HIS will be done.
HAHA!
as you can probably tell, i am super high now.. haha! must be the 3 hr paper that drove me mad. anyway, i'm feeling a little bored. so i decided to do some chain email thing. ahha, would have never expected me to do it.. of all people.. but i will just do it. since...i am resting and i got nth to do now =))
yay, the weekends are here!!
=)
KV550 in G minor has got to be the best thing ever!
ohmygosh! i just saw the weird timings of the post promo schedule.

1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
nope.

2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
> >yesterday. when i was yawning.
> >
> > 3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
> >
> >yup, especially the one which i used for the econs paper
> >
> >
> > 4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
> >
> >chicken
> >
> > 5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS?
> > no! =)
> >
> >
> > 6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
> > yes of course!
>>
> > 7. DO YOU USE SARCASM ALOT?
> >
> > nope. hee.
> >
> > 8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS ?
> > yes!
> >
> >
> > 9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?
> > yes! if... someone pays me? HAHA.
> >
> >
> > 10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL?
> > HONEY STARS!
> >
> >
> >
> > 11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
> > no.. i'm lazy.
> >
> >
> >
> > 12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG?
> > no.. my brother would concur that.
> >
> >
> >
> > 13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM?
> > err.. the one with lime icing and cream on the inside! tropicana is it?
> >
> >
> >
> > 4. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT
> > PEOPLE?
> > eyes
> >
> >
> >
> > 15. RED OR PINK?
> > BOTH!
> >
> >
> > 16. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF?
> > STRESS TOLERANCE
> >
> >
> > 17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST?
> > you all know who you are!!!!!
> >
> >
> > 18. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO SEND THIS BACK TO YOU?
> > skip
> >
> >
> >
> > 19. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING NOW?
> > black fbts! and no shoes!
> >
> >
> >
> > 20. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?
> > egg mcmuffin for breakfast
> >
> > 21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
> >JASON MRAZ! "i'm yours" aww..
> >
> >
> > 22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU
> > multi coloured!
> >
> >
> >
> > 23. FAVORITE SMELLS?
> > vanilla candles!
> >
> >
> > 24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
> > my mum =)
> >
> >
> >
> > 25. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU?
> > no one sent me.. i koped! haha, ohohoh, my choir pple were sending this around. of course in that case! rioHC pwns!
> >
> >
> > 26. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH?
> > basketball. the last time i did that was.... a long time ago at church.
> >
> > 27. HAIR COLOR?
> > brown,black with natural "highlights"
> >
> >
> > 28. EYE COLOR?
> > black. with a little brown as well.
> >
> >
> >
> > 29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?
> > yes!
> >
> >
> > 30. FAVORITE FOOD ?
> > hmm, don't really like eating.. grapes counted?
> >
> >
> > 31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?
> > HAPPY ENDINGS!
> >
> >
> > 32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?
> >
> > POWER RANGERS ON VCD! ok.. wait.. power rangers is not a movie. err.. i don't know. lol
> >
> > 33. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?
> >
> > grey
> >
> >
> > 34. SUMMER OR WINTER?
> >
> > spring!
> >
> >
> > 35. HUGS OR KISSES?
> > both!
> >
> > 36. FAVORITE DESSERT?
> > tao hway!! nata de coco!!
> >
> >
> >
> > 37. MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
> > -skip-
> >
> >
> >
> > 38. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
> > -skip-
> >
> >
> >
> > 39. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING
> > none. the bible?
> >
> >
> > 40. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?
> >
> >no mouse pad =)) laptop!
> >
> > 41. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON T.V. LAST NIGHT?
> > didn't watch!
> >
> >
> > 42. FAVORITE SOUND?
> > music. just music.
> >
> >
> > 43. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES ?
> > beatles!!
> >
> >
> > 44. WHAT IS THE FURTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME?
> >
> > ROMA!
> >
> > 45. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT?
> > no.. dont think so.. a jack of many.
> >
> >
> > 46. WHERE WERE YOU BORN?
> > SINGAPORE!
> >
> >
> > 47. WHOSE ANSWERS ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO GETTING BACK?
> >
> > skip.

so this is it..

2007-09-23T13:32:00.000+08:00

and this is it
it's down to only one day.
one week and a few more days.
what will happen and what would it be?
whom shall i fear? or rather
what shall i fear?
the Lord and gracious father
goes before me..

and i just have to believe that everything is perfect
in His time and in His will.
come what may,
whatever it may be..
i just want to trust him.

p.s. all the best to everyone else having exams. take care!

:(

2007-09-19T18:00:00.000+08:00

i just wrote a very angry entry. and yes, i deleted it.
:(
it's irritating to know that you are upset but you don't really want to be upset abt things because you know you shldn't be.
do i make sense?
then again, it's not wrong to feel upset cause we are created with emotions?
but it's just..i feel very stupid doing things or feeling things that is wrong and that i'm aware of it.

and this phrase just made me feel so upset. (for nth)
"Mistakes- it could be that the purpose of your life is only to serve as a warning to others"

like why am i even upset abt it in the first place when i have a truckload of rebuttals and counter arguments?

:( it's just not my day today. better stop before this ends up like the previous entry.

down to a single digit

2007-09-16T13:34:00.000+08:00

many people think it's dumb to do countdowns to major events such as examinations for instance, but i think it's good because at least it gives you a sense of expectation or anticipation.

but then again, on the flip side, too much anticipation or expectation isn't that good either.

anyway, it's down to a single digit. yup, EIGHT's the magic number.

well, this week has been almost the same as every other week. things in school have probably come to a standstill or rather routine. and tutorials have been rather light in a sense because we're going through revision and not learning anything new.

but i do need to make more use of my breaks in between instead of hanging around, binching on food in the canteen or just watch people play cards. how lame is that.ya, i have been eating more in sch in between breaks..

but yes, i love to watch. watch people, observe things around.. think of random things..

but yes,i need to study or find some secluded place in sch to just mug instead of wasting time away. but i really really find that i can't study in sch for nuts. i think i need to sit in a empty white room to study. or maybe a vacuum space. then i wont have anything around to look at or be distracted by things around me.

econs tuition just now made my brain all gooey.
but yes, GOD has been good. and i am really glad to see him work in the lives of the people around. it's just amazing to share people's joy or know that they have been hungering more for HIS word. keeping them in prayer.
yes, GOD is good despite the fact that i will only be able to attend church from 8.30-9.30 for the next 2 weeks.. cant even go mum's church now since chem tuition can't be postponed or rescheduled. =( but in all things god works for the good of those who love him.

random: haha, on a more "bimbotic" note, i've got 6 different coloured hairbands now. how cool is that? 6 different colours to match what i wear in future. and the cooler fact is that my mum actually bought them because it was so cheap.. and.. apparently because she saw that i broke my previous orange one. HA. okay, yay! i've got 6 now..

i think recently, or maybe this week, i've been thinking a lot about the promises GOD gave, inheritance that he promised us in heaven. probably caused i've been reading ephesians this week.

eph 1:13-14
"13And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit,
14who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God's possession—to the praise of his glory."

and yes, i shared this before but i think it still hits me as a very breathtaking fact that i am marked. i always ponder and think to myself sometimes why would god love me? like us humans being so small like ants all scattered around on earth and GOD who is so big..and to think that i have a guarantee.. or an "insurance" of treasures in heaven so much better than silver and gold or anything on earth. and it just brings me back to god's love for man, for me..

and it was around midweek where i started thinking about the jars of clay passage in the bible.

2cor 4:16-18
"16Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. 17For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 18So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."

i think this verse comforted a lot. because i think every now and then i am very tempted to think of stupid things when i am very stressed or tired of doing things. but see, "though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we're being renewed day by day." praise god for that! and the best part comes where "our MOMENTARY troubles are achieving for us an ETERNAL glory that far OUTWEIGHS them all."

yes, it reminds me of a passage in zechariah.. i thk. of how we're always being tested and in the process we become refined..

oh well, i think i've been very encouraged. and yup, my encouragement to you is that you'll hunger for god's word too =) and i really agree that the bible comes alive when you really read into it. afterall, it's god- breathed, useful as a tool for admonishing and teaching.

this week

2007-09-08T23:06:00.000+08:00

looking back at what i have done this week.. i thk i did a fair bit but still not enough. considering that i wake up at 8 daily and slp by 10 plus every night without fail.

but i do thank god for many things this week.
i thank god for parents who would love me enough to take leave and half day leaves to stay home and monitor me to study.
i thank god for a new inspiring math tutor whom i absolutely dare not defy or not do math tuition hmwk..
( i really really really dislike maths, because it's so draining to do the stacks of hmwk she gives me but yet i want to do it..not for anyone, but for myself. don't get me wrong though, i really like my new math tutor.. somehow she reminds me of ms chye, just not that eccentric, but she's nice. so i'm thankful.)
i thank god for the times where i could just worship with the piano or guitar in between during breaks.

at the same time, i've my fair share of stressed up periods this week. yes, i get so upset whenever my tutors cancel on me or reschedule.. then i have to adjust my schedule again. hmm, reminds me of how i shld nvr cancel on my tutors unnecessarily. and whenever i look at my schedule and timetable i feel as though i have so little time and still so much to study. and then i start getting stressed of not knowing if i can cover everything since i am slightly behind time already.

sch reopening on monday, and.. it's just going to get busier, with additional sch consultation periods as well as my own tuitions and not forgetting i still have to squeeze in time for my own revision. it's really only 15 more days.

yes, i am stressed. but i am okay. seems contradicting huh? but i thk you get what i mean. so don't have to worry. and yes, i'm ok because i know in the end things wld work out, and i have faith god will see me through. just have to try and eliminate that bit of stress.. haha. and yes, how? by letting god's peace consume me. peace that passes all understanding, that will guard my heart and my mind.. i want to feel that way.. reminds me of days where i sat by the ledge near my window and just daydream, look outside or even just sitting in esplanade library.. again, looking out of a window. haha.. i love looking out of windows and daydreaming. (hmm, probably a trait i picked up from my mother.)

other than that, i think god is amazing. i just finished colossians. and yes, it speaks abt how we are reconciled to god because of his finished work on the cross and the way we shld respond is to be set apart.

"so then just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in Him, rooted and built up in Him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness."

ok, i got to go slp. going to miss my church people for tmr and the following sunday. yes because i have econs tuition every sunday morning, and, yes, attending my mum's church's afternoon services.
that reminds me, i have an econs essay test tmr.
market failure and market structures..

tsk.
and i desperately need to finish my integration hmwk by tmr.

tired

2007-09-07T18:31:00.000+08:00

i feel so tired. sigh, it's funny how i thought to myself before that maybe.. just maybe.. i would love to study. like after exams there would absolutely be.. nothing to do. (NOT! haha.) but i feel so tired.. looking at my schedule, looking at the things i have not studied, thinking abt whether i can even remember those things that i have studied.

muscles all tensed up. yes, definitely stressed out.
trying to breathe.
dang. i am worrying.

yes, sigh..
my notes are screaming to be picked up.
so tired...
i feel so whiny. haha, and i really want to call someone and just go.. "hey, i am so tired..." and then fall asleep while saying tt. haha.

"hello!"
"hey, how are you?"
"i am so tired..............."
"haha, go sleep?"
"....."
"hello?"
"...."
"err... are you there?"
"..."
"hello?"

ahh.. imagine the reaction of the person on the other line. well, that just made me chuckle.
when things get so tiring, you just find some random things to think abt to keep yourself awake.

back to the books.

Rejoice

2007-08-28T15:22:00.000+08:00

i was reading Philippians 1 last night before i went to bed.
and i felt very encouraged after it. basically, it's because i found it amazing that even when Paul is in chains, he can still stand firm and rejoice in the lord. like it's just amazing how in the worse of all situations, in prison, he can still praise god with thanksgiving.

even more, i think this paragraph really struck me.

19for I know that through your prayers and the help given by the Spirit of Jesus Christ, what has happened to me will turn out for my deliverance.

(when i read this i was reminded of how i should have faith, and have full assurance that God will deliver me from my situation, after all, i think i really have a lot of people backing me up with prayer besides praying for myself. and yes, whatever that i am going through, serves to develop perseverance, it's definitely a test of my faith. and like what she told me, she thinks God called her to place me in Happy Chocolate jc because of this very reason. YES, BELIEVE THAT WTV TEST THAT I AM PLACED IN NOW, WIIL TURN OUT TO DELIVER ME, TO TEACH ME. and yes, i agree that sometimes we may not be fully convicted in the things we believe through the lessons we've learnt.that's why God will continue to teach us through our daily circumstances.)

20I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death. 21For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.

22If I am to go on living in the body, this will mean fruitful labor for me. Yet what shall I choose? I do not know!

23I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far;

24but it is more necessary for you that I remain in the body.

25Convinced of this, I know that I will remain, and I will continue with all of you for your progress and joy in the faith,

26so that through my being with you again your joy in Christ Jesus will overflow on account of me.

(back to my sharing)
to think that i actually thought that it would be extremely fantaastic if i could go to heaven like NOW. haha, i recall mike asking this question at service that day, and i was lamenting to my brother that.. yes like totally, i would want to go to heaven now now now.cause there isn't any studying in heaven right? haha! yes, it's always good to to expect gifts that are stored for us in heaven and be excited about it, but i thk i am reminded of smth which is to know what it means to suffer for Christ.

in paul's case,he suffered for Christ while preaching the gospel. and because of what he did and the attitude he chose to adopt, others became more bold to speak the living word and more encouraged to stand firm in their faith. so, in that way, God's purpose is fulfilled through him. Similarly, i saw it as how Christ may be glorified when i emerge victorious from the situation i am now in.

haha, an angel resides in my room with good news. It says, "This is a great test, be not afraid. God's holding your hand. the victory is near." yes, that's what i want to encourage everyone else too.

yes, back to the aspect on joy. www.dictionary.com says that 'joy' means to be glad.. i guess the word 'glad' portrays this feeling of being contented. and now i see even more clearly what Enai meant when she was sharing on how 'joy' does not equate to feeling happy but rather, to be contented. i realised paul mentioned the word 'joy', 'rejoice' more than once in the chapter. how he continues to pray with joy, rejoice knowing that he is not alone in his prayers, rejoice even though people preach with false intentions..

i think we can all learn from paul to praise god in all circumstances, for all things..to be prayerful and joyful knowing that God does things with a purpose..

breathtaking passage.
makes me want to continue studying the book of Philippians.

on a side note, school feels considerably more relaxing now that choir has stopped. but i guess not only choir la, but perhaps i am feeling more comfortable with everyone else around me.

well, for now, i'm good, besides the fact that i need to keep to my schedule of studying.

exaaams!

2007-08-24T02:43:00.000+08:00

so here's the schedule for my promos:

24th sept:
-GP 0815-1145
-Econs 1300-1600

25th sept:
-Chem 0815-1115

28th sept:
-Math 0815-1115

1st Oct:
-Bio 0815-1015

2nd Oct:
-MOCK SPA SKILL A BIO 1300-1400

please keep me in prayer =) thanks so much.
oh well, another week has gone by and yes, it's pretty late now. i just completed my EOM.
on a side note, i guess this week has just been a very encouraging week? not that i didnt have my downs this week but yes, managed to read a blog or two and i feel blessed by them? it's seeing how people stand firm in their faith despite whatever they're going through that makes me want to be strong too.

well, think i have been trying to sort out my thoughts again and again and again, to only find that i still cry, tear still get frustrated and stressed out... yes, but after yesterday, i told myself, no more of those. to thk i felt a little ashamed on wed because of a little incident. yes, perhaps it was a blessing in disguise because if it didnt happened, it wouldn't have softened someone's heart and i'm glad it did, because i can feel that it is causing a change in someone. otherwise, i felt like i needed to ust let everything out yet after the whole hoo-ha, i felt bad about being so huliqunao... or just emotionally weak la. oh yes, it's really the promos that's getting into everyone, making everyone stressed. 32 more days.

yes, no more breaking down after wed. because you know i feel really blessed by the people around. my family, choir friends.. everyone's just been so understanding and supportive, and encouraging. i thank god for friends who could spare the time to sit and pray with me, to listen to my cries, to comfort me..i thank god for teachers who were genuinely concerned and cared. i thank god for people who would choose not to pamper me but urge me to stand up when i fall, to share with me her personal struggles and how god has been faithful, to assure me that i was fine, to counsel me the whole car ride, to advise me on the next step, to keep me in prayer, to promise to monitor me...she believes god is working something in me, teaching me smth during this period..i thk so too..

and yes, i prayed that at this point, i really don't know what to do, and i can't do it by myself and i'm not going to do it by my own strength or try to go my own way. i heard a podcast just now abt faith in god and how we always try to tell god what to do and what we want, not letting him mould us or guide us. yes, in a way, i have been that way.. and so, no more.. at this point,i really can't do anything already. all i know is that i just have to try my best and trust god. no doubting anymore. i shall not fear, cause victory is near. and i have victory because i have jesus.

i'm going to be patient and see god's miracle unfold in my life. and i'm certain that it will. god is really good. the moment i read my emails, the daily devotion read "do not be anxious abt anyth. but with prayer and petition presents your requests to god, and the peace that transcends all understanding shall guard your heart and mind in Christ Jesus." amen to that.

and yes, although i still find it hard to experience joy in school,joy meaning being CONTENTED at where i am, knowing that god has placed me there for a purpose, i am going to throw away my entire mindset abt hating school. i am going to start loving school, start loving the people around me including those who pretend they care. yes, i got to be brave and courageous, cause the lord is behind me in this battle.

other than that, i've got 2 hrs to catch some slp before i wake for school tmr. it's friday. yay!

hiatus

2007-08-12T09:55:00.000+08:00

haha, i went on hiatus and that's what i am going to do just yet.
how ironic. i am updating now to say that i am going to stop writing til the exams are over?
ok. life's been err.. challenging.

1)trying to find joy in what i do, find joy in HIM.
2)trying to put off all other distractions till the end of exams.
3)trying to move away from the past knowing that the past was a memory blessed by GOD. and from there, move on. not going to be very helpful or good to hold on so much. have to be independent, strong.. not for myself but for others also.

coming to that, i was actually listening to dolly suite by gabriel faure that day and i immediately remembered the times i had practices with aiwei. and eine klein nachtmusik kv 525 by dearest Amadeus.

i miss prokofiev and mep. and i never realised how much i really loved it till i listened to it again. must be too blinded and irritated while studying it for MEP last yr. sigh.

4)trying to stop doing all sorts of stupid stupid things.

yes, that's life so far.
promos: 25sept-2nd october

i really want to go to j2. now now, don't come to me and say that is definitely possible or whatever consolation you have for me because it is really that difficult. ya, and i have to put in the extra effort to do so. and if you do not understand my predicament then i suggest you shouldn't come to me saying that i should not study so hard.
well, on second thoughts, ya, it's definitely possible to go to j2 because i have GOD. now, how's that?

i really hate it when a whole lot of contradictions start to plague my mind.

i love prokofiev and i think that the 2nd movement is awesome.

i quit

2007-07-13T22:07:00.000+08:00

i think i will just stop writing for awhile. and yes, i havent been writing much here anyway. ya, i thk i want to stop writing firstly because i thk i really can't bring myself to update anymore. too many things have happened, too many hidden, too many unsaid, too many "you-won't understand(s)", too many vague entries, too many surface sharings.. and yes, i know this is not being very accountable but ya, come talk to me if you see me arnd in church or corridors in sch if you really want to la. =)

but yes, anyway, at this point of time, there's nth much interesting abt my daily life unless you want to be reminded of sch days. (which i doubt you wld want to, unless you are working of course) but yes.. sigh, what am i going to do if i don't study?

can't take it. i'm sorry i can't completely be honest with you all regarding so many things. maybe cause i can't face it myself, or perhaps i can;t come to terms with them. at this point, i dont even know what. and i'll just end up whining and being a comprain-queen.. yes.

that's it. thanks for being interested thus far. hope to write soon? prob. when i feel that i amr eady to be more open.
xie xie.

heal over

2007-07-10T22:30:00.000+08:00

i am tired. as usual. what's new?

isn't very difficult to see why
you are the way you are
doesn't take a genius to realise
that sometimes life is hard
it's gonna take time
but you just have to wait
you're gonna be fine
but in the mean time
i'm over here, lady,
let me wipe your tears away
come a little little out, baby,
cause you'll heal over, heal over
heal over,
someday.

got to jiayou.

i hope

2007-07-07T11:58:00.000+08:00

i hope that this wont be a 3 fen zhong re du thing.
(wow, my chinese is improving because of sch)

HURR. anyway,i thk i have been happier in sch yesterday. haha, like miracle man. ok it starte out really badly because i got 1 more demerite point tt makes it 9 up to date. urgh. and tts because i was late and i didnt bother waiting at the bus stop but i just walked in and let myself be caught. hurr hurr. sigh. and i was super upset cause my ez link got confiscated and i had to go to the office to get it back later in the day.

but i thk i felt so much better after choir. just felt so excited and happy singing the sch song. or had this surge of renewed happiness. haha, for once i actually feel happy in sch. sigh, maybe i have come to let things go, or decided tt this is it man. i shld just try to be happy although i feel that sch life is really killing to the max!

haha, maybe cause the previous night i had so much fun talking to the favouritest people in the world! ahha, laughed so much at gen's place. oh my.. i miss stnicholas girls sch! oh well, how to love the sch before i love my cca. hmm, never man. i thk i shld try to love the sch through loving my cca. that wld help much better.

okay, see everyone else soon =))

blocks, post blocks and sch again

2007-07-03T23:14:00.001+08:00

blocks: err, i jsut want to trust god in it. tt he has his plans and they are gd for me. thank god in all circumstances. i havent got the results yet though. haha. god is still gd evermore and forevermore he shall be. amen.

post blocks: shopping withe friends was really really gd. no amt of words can express how much i miss and love them.
joel's b day bbq party was so so so awesome. i love bay bbqs. and thanks to all those who helped cooked and sacrificed their own meals. haha. yes, really thank all those who helped.. felt so abd sitting there just eating non stop from 6 to 9 plus. and i didnt know bananas cld be grilled. thanks nevertheless to daniel, graham, serene, kenneth, joshua, wilfred, dominic... and to the guys who started the real gd fire for chicken wings. wha, really gd meal tt night. and we got high. really high. i thk it was either ice lemon tea, beer in the sauce for the wedges, or the sip of wine i took, or.. just me.

transformers is a very very gd show. nicer than pirates 3 i feel. yes. not jsut mindless firing machines. i was tearing towards the end of the movie. argh. so touching. thk i havent really thought into the movie yet. shall spend some time thking abt the lessons tt we can learn when i feel more free.

and it's sch again. why do i dislike sch so much? cause it takes up and consumes so much energy.

enrichment courses tmr and thurs. yay. massage.

first choir prac tmr after hols. yay!

i am so annoyed now. yay!

and i am going to slp now.. hurrah!

somehow

2007-06-24T19:10:00.000+08:00

i don't know how. i really don't know.
but somehow i will get through this week and the next.
i want to trust god in this.
so, somehow, i'll still be alive.

excuse me!

2007-06-21T16:19:00.000+08:00

my name is CHERIE, and not cheryl.

ok, i think i am being a total...( i give you a hint, it starts with the letter B).
argh! i'm sorry.
sometimes i wonder what it was like to be GOD. i mean, god is someone who is so powerful.. like woah you know. you can do all things. and like wow. just wow. ever wondered how it wld feel to be able to do ALL things? haha, like change all weekends to weekdays and all weekdays to weekends vice versa! school wld be saturday and sunday, and holidays would be from monday to friday.. change all teachers to students and all students to teachers. change all roads and cars and everything around into colours just like townsville! (in case you were wondering where that is, it's a tiny little non existant village where the powerpuff girls live) oh cuteness! KAWAII NEH! (thats your cue to open your eyes wider and put a victory handsign at the corner of your right eye, say cheese!)

haha, i sound like some little girl who absolutely loathes primary school. well kid, check out jc life!
ohmy, i think there's a schizo in me.
how cute.
i talk to myself.
oh i forgot, i am weird, remember?

where was i? oh yes i remember.

i think i change my mind of wanting to be such a powerful being because being god is tiring. not that i tried, like bruce almighty. but yes, can you imagine hearing everyone's prayers like all at one shot. it's so amazing how god can do it.. like store so many prayers in his head.. or file them up..or even reply all prayers. like how? bruce almighty died doing that. and god can do it, simply cause he is GOD! haha.
i changed my mind because i think i would go crazy. in fact i already am. i can't stand it when my head is cramped up with so many things to thk abt and i have to share the space inside my head with econs notes and bio and math and etcetera etcetera. like help! (whince) and i thk it drives me mad cause i can't focus properly sometimes on things that i shld be thinking abt.

so, if i were god, i would die doing my job. cause.. my brain space is just. that small.

ahh! my head feels like a timebomb waiting to be explodedddddddddddddd
(to be said like in the song "jaacobin iso pojat" jacob's twelve sons)
just like judaa...ddddddddddd
and sebulonnnnnnnnnnnnnnn (don't forget, in triplet time!)

evidently, i have gone mad. and sometimes i wish our brains were made in a way where our memory of things are stored in hard drives. so we can store different things in different hard drives and when we are suppose to thk of this then we put in this thumb drive. when we are not, we simply just take it out and voila, we dont have to think abt it.

god is good, all the time! he puts a song of praise in this heart of mine.

the only way to stay sane is to break out into songs of hope and joy, asking god to fill my heart with peace. he promises peace. "peace i give to you, and peace i live with you.. i do not give as the world gives.." and how this peace that he gives transcends all understanding.

farewell

2007-06-17T22:28:00.000+08:00

every beat of my heart:corrinnemay

So here we stand
Anchored in hope
Letting the rain wash away every fear
Stars in the sky
Twinkle and shine
I pray they won't disappear

'Cause I don't know
where your journey goes
or how long it will take to unfold
But as long as we keep this moment shining in the dark
I will be watching over every beat of your heart

I wish that time
Could be replayed
I'd keep you here with me everyday
They say that love is letting go
I hope that you find your way

'cause I don't know
where your journey goes
or how long it will take to unfold
But as long as we keep this moment shining in the dark
I know you're watching over every beat of my heart

yes, i guess this song really expresses what i feel for all of the seniors. farewell went not bad and i am glad. there are so many lessons to be learnt and taken out of this event. but i am just thankful for all of my batchmates who helped one way or another. thanks for all the effort! =) it's very heartwarming to see everyone really working together and encouraging each other esp. during the short debrief that we had. it's really the beginning for us.

i love rioHC.

what does it mean to face your fears?

2007-06-12T21:59:00.000+08:00

hmm, what does it mean to face your fears?
this question suddenly came to mind as i visualised myself standing on the shores of the bahamas.
and as i stood facing the deep blue ocean, i saw a huge wave swarming towards me.
it was more than a wave, it was a towering tsunami.
and i had a choice.
am i going to run for my life? or am i going to face my fear, knowing that i will probably die and drown in it?
am i going to be practical and save myself from the jaws of death? or am i going to take that step of faith?
blessed are those who believe but have not seen, amen?

church camp was really good for me. i mean, first time being the youngest in a group, there's a lot to learn from older people who have gone through much more than you. very encouraged by my groupmates! and yes, i really felt god's presence at camp.

and so it seems.
the decision was clear.
and i took a deep breath as i heard the roaring of the sea..
growing clearer and louder every minute.

zzz.

genesis

2007-06-06T23:58:00.000+08:00

i guess it's really the beginning for us j1s huh?
and thank you everyone who believed in me. i love all of you. truly. and ya, i will give it my best, really wld.
and yes, i know whatever that happened at cantare wasn't really luck. it was GOD.
i don't deny god's goodness but sometimes i have my own struggles. like one minute he blesses you, yet the next like almost immediately, smth is in your way again.

will get it sorted out tonight. see you all on the 12th.
hello hello? may i speak to god please?

hey god...

humility

2007-06-01T09:52:00.000+08:00

hmm, some stuff have led me to thk abt the true meaning of humility. i believe i have kind of found my revelation, my answer to smth that i have been praying for the past few weeks. but i guess i will continue to pray for confirmation. to me, it is smth very impt and serious. but yes, i am glad there were many signs along the way which truly amazed me, stunned me in a way. thk i said this before. god can be real breath-taking sometimes. he just works in ways that although we might not be able to see immediately but when it takes effect, you just pause to go, wow. and so i did.

the ride on mrt with dijie yesterday strucked me when he questioned me abt my confidence. although i only knew him for hmm, half a yr now, he asked me, what happened to my confidence.. janice questioned this the other day when i was talking to her on the phone as well. i guess this spoke to me somehow and i heard a resounding wake up call in my head from god that because i believed in him, i shld have full confidence in him to carry me through. and of course, this made me really thk and i look back and realise that ya.. what happened to my confidence, my confidence in him. hmm, i guess i have been struggling with humility all this while. had this problem a few yrs back too. came back again. and so, i went to do some reading on humility and yes, true humility is when you do not over pride yourself or BELITTLE yourself in anyway, but yes, it came back to me smth that enai said a few yrs back, to HAVE A CORRECT PERCEPTION OF WHO YOU ARE. and in a way when i was doing qt this morning, i came upon this verse.

romans 12:3 for by the grace god given me i say to each one of you, do not thk of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather, think of yourself with SOBER JUDGEMENT, IN ACCORDANCE WITH THE MEASURE OF FAITH GOD HAS GIVEN YOU.

so i guess i have learnt a lot from this.

blast of events from 23/5 to 27/5

2007-05-28T11:47:00.000+08:00

i rmb feeling really very emotional nowadays. because of a whole lot of things that happened.. some pretty personal ones, others include, how we had our last two practices for choir and of course, the long awaited concert yesterday!

so we had our best of syf sch concert tt day which was our 2nd last performance as an 06/07 batch. and we went onstage, although it wasnt our best perf. i felt it wasn't tt bad as well. enjoyed myself onstage. although i had a panic attack at the beginning of mate saule. suddenly no voice, then throat was conjested with phlegm. so had to clear throat subtly and try to come in.. but it only got better during jap game.

our 2nd last practice was held outside the auditorium, though it was a bit stuffy and hot.. it went not bad. besides some random occasions where we got scolded from miss lim. other than tt, we prayed for lishan as she left for china to visit relatives. sigh. I MISS LISHAN! please come back soon!!

the last prac was quite emotional. i felt really v bad for not making it a gd last practice for the seniors. well, it was definitely a memorable prac but sigh, have never seen miss lim so angry before. sorry seniors. but we still had one more fighting chance on our concert day! and yes, i believe we can do it.(we did it!) although this phrase has been overused,i still stand by it. i know hwachong choir can do it. (and we did it!)

oh there was dsa auditions that day also! just first round only la. so there will be more auditions coming up. but yes, it's was great. thanks all those who came arnd to help although they didn't have to. but yep. it made me thk of my dsa auditions. like how kaixuan and johnny interviewed me..

cantare-and so it is over. and im just thankful that god allowed it to end on a gd note.

sighs. i am really really happy that miss lim thought that we did our best last night and that we were not bad. =) i loved our jap game. i thought i cld really feel the hwach choir spirit when we sang that song. calme de nuit made my heart melt. seriously. everytime i sing calme, i feel so.. calm? lol. anyway, mate saule was ok, ma yi la was very very enjoyable. i felt.. gamelan, not tt gd for altos. haha, irritating part la.. deng 2,3,4 dong2,3,4 deng2,3,4. denga donga deng x3 (with screeching high Ds) haha, other than tt, it was ok for me. kaktus was quite retarded, cause it reminded me of how click wick called me a cactus throughout god-knows how many years cause there was once i had cactus hair :) hmm, jaacobin was.. haha, a bit zhao sia! and i thk i didnt hum the note loud enough. crap. i was practically whacking my wrist (with the tuning fork) so hard so that the sound will resound loud enough so that i cld get the note clear enough. but thk i didnt whack properly.. so heard a faint sound.. argh. and not my wrist has a slight bruise. INDICATION: i am too bony and skinny. shits. must eat more.

speaking abt eating.. i ate like one dumpling when i got home plus thousands of godiva chocolates (from my dearest classmates!) actually, i felt quite touch that they brought a gift for my performance. sigh.thanks for coming dears! and yes, thank you everyone else who came for the concert! the senior class! thanks for the rose! thank you nj pple! that includes chuwen and xianting! thanks for the flower! my sn friends janice, eugenia! (thanks for the flowers!!) serene, thanks for the sms and just thank you for being present to witness my first concert this yr. thanks siyun and soony! you all really bought a balloon =)) was it an obligation ah? hhaaha, love you guys too! :) and and and THANKYOU CLICKO WICKO! for the weirdo hand.. eh, name it leh! and and thanks for being such wonderful darlings! who made random poses and waves at me on stage. it just induced more smiles from me to the audience. im so sorry i cldnt go hang out with you all. had to go home in the end also. lol. yes, so i stayed with the choir at the concourse cam whoring like mad. seriously took so many photos tt i thk we can go on taking photos and not stop at all. didnt take with the guy seniors at all. :( ok, nvm, will take another day! have to take! have to take!

other than tt, thk the esplanade experience was just great! like the back stage is like woah! huge huge huge! and it feels like a hotel stayover kind of thing when you shuffle btwn diff. levels.. and the dressing room pwns la. there is a toilet with a few showers and a few cubicles.. and the toilet is so clean you can just walk in bare footed. like woah. so in btwn rehearsals we continued our random singing and cam whoring. haha. so fun! i felt tt e j1 girls got to bond a little when the j2s all left for rehearsals and we were left locked outside our dressing rooms. we randomed a bit with the tuning fork and started singing a few songs.

sigh, i love my batch mates a lot too. omg, i just realise tt, no matter how different our characters may be, in the end, this cca, CHOIR just bridges all of us.. just brings us all closer together because, i can see passion in everyone's eyes for this cca. i really saw it in everyone's eyes yesterday. it felt so gd when i see things tt i never saw before. yesterday was truly amazing. and i feel like tearing again. sigh, what will i do without choir? hmm, i sound as if i am a j2. but haha, yes.. it alr feels like this in j1. what more in j2 huh? thk i shall start arming myself with waterproof makeup as yuntian suggested. hurrhurr.

i really felt so.. i don't know how to describe. it's a feeling you get when you feel the hwachong choir spirit. seriously. like when we went back on stage after the performance, miss lim started saying all those stuff abt how she nvr saw us tt determined and all.. and how we cheered for everyone after tt.. how we hugged as an alto section and did our whooshes throughout the day.. this weird feeling came over me. my stomach started to feel weird. my goosebumps all appeared. and i feel a sudden surge of warmth within.. as well as this feeling of tearing. yes, i felt it too when we were along the corridor waiting for our turn to go onstage. the few moments where you feel as though time goes by so slowly before a performance. did a lot of deep breathings.will miss all those pple standing near me..who were there for me..

and i did tear. i teared throughout the entire day at random occasions. like when the j2 batch was singing their song onstage.. and we cld hear them through the speakers in the dressing rm. i just closed my eyes, pictured every single moment i had with them.. and flashes of things tt some of them said to me before, random memories just flooded my mind. teardrops came la. i don't know why either. silly me. cld have spoilt my makeup totally. but luckily it wasnt tt bad. it was only bad after we went back to the dressing rooms to change after the entire performance. yes, it was quite smudged esp. the mascara. i shall never attempt to put mascara anymore. just in case i tear and then in the end, everyth else melts in my eyes. eew. looked like some shit yesterday. :(

but now tt cantare is over. DEEP BREATHS! haha,though the FEELING that i was talking abt, is still there.. i thk it's time to get a grip on myself.time to move on. time to be strong and start being independent. the seniors brought us through so much.. through syf where we got tt gwh.. through cantare which ended on a gd note. so, we've got to improve and continue to work very hard to keep it there or just continue improving! there is so much more we can achieve, i am positive! so yes, we will work hard and not disappoint the seniors. we'll make you guys proud, and i promise that we will keep the choir spirit there, tt we'll not give up in times of difficulty but grit our teeth and persevere! and that's a promise! so, rest assure seniors, haha, seokhui said "go in peace" lol.

ohya, i love our alumni also. i thk hwachong voices have been offering so much help to the college section. like i have never seen so dedicated seniors who still come back to help out. as kaii said, they acted as a buffer, to help protect us from miss lim sometimes. sigh, love them too. thk we're very very lucky. and our teachers have been great also. to thk they actually wrote us cards to encourage us to perform well. haha, tts really nice of them!

i thk this is an unforgettable concert. it really is. sigh. time to work hard! come on pple! we can do it! i still thk god is really gd and in control of everyth. and i am leaving everything to him.. so, cherie, have more faith tt he's leading you the right way.

i <3333 CANTARE!

were you?

2007-05-22T22:02:00.000+08:00

yea, just had dinner. didn't have so much of an appetite though. i guess that's cause my mind was exploding with a huge ton of things. gpp by tmr, and i am still MIA in msn. and ya. stayed back late in sch. had choir interviews and was waiting for a few of the last pple to finish. enjoyed the quietness of the sch though. it's like super quiet without activity but yet so many things are going on at that very moment. and yes, for once, i really felt as though time really stopped tt instant.

were you disappointed?
i didn't dare to look at you for an answer.
were you tired?
i guess you were, from the way you spoke. (softer by the minute)
were you disappointed?
i'm sorry.
just don't stop loving me.

i guess everytime when we do smth wrong, we are bound to allow others to form their own judgement of us. and ya, don't we all fear judgement? i know i do. i get really mad sometimes when i thk abt how others look or view me. and ya, it's so sad that our world is so judgemental that sometimes you just wish everyone was the same. but i do know that we have a god who judges in the end. but still loves you and accepts you for who you are. thats love. acknowledging yet accepting your faults no matter what happened.

i love you.

green saladdddddddd!

2007-05-20T21:47:00.000+08:00

the weekend has been great i suppose. im feeling much happier, brighter. i feel pretty, oh so pretty, i feel pretty, and merry and GAY!

saturday: choir was quite eventful. it feels great to be able to sing again. thank god i'm feeling better. much much better although i was coughing here and there but nvm. yes, halfway through memorising scores, i hope to finish them by tonight. ok, i must. despite being plagued by cramps halfway, i was ok til i got into the car. no idea why also. felt extremely cold.. and apparently, the aircon cant be turned down? so, i endured shivering from bukittimah all the way to east coast to pick my brother then back to sgoon. by the time i got home, i thk the fever came back. how ridiculous huh? i went to bed after dinner. covered myself in blanket. maybe cause i stuffed myself up so much tts why i got so hot. 39 degrees by 9pm. haha, broke record.. but nah. feel so much better now. thk the fever a little mad. feel like coming then come, so i don't really give two hoots abt it anymore. thk i am reaching tt fully recovered stage alr. so let's go!

sunday: oh, highlight of the day, serene made this really cool dessert salad. it's called some green salad thing. which contains, jello, marshmellows, cheese, whipped cream, pineapples.. it tasted a bit like the solero icecream thing. though it didnt looked really presentable but it tasted cool. really nice. reminds me of some italian dessert/pizza-ish thing. thk it's the cheese. really nice, i loved it although i ate little. message was good too. reminded of how god's judgement is not my judgement. and how i shldn't be so lack of faith at certain tough times so much that i confront god and question him why and all..

oh, i suddenly had this dream of running away from thunder and lightning last night. suddenly remembered it when jane, hazel and i were talking abt the weather. was it raining last night? hmm, queer dreams. and there was this night where i dreamt tt my friends committed suicide. and it was so so scary. i can even remember who. but i shan't freak anyone out. sigh, so morbid. i hope i have happier dreams soon.

last week of practice with the seniors. it's sad. =( thk it wld be pretty different without them. aww. treasuring every single min of practice now. and yes, i was reading the past entries of my other blog tt day and i came upon this entry abt czech republic that i was so tired during our second perf. of the day for the sacred category that i didnt realise it was the last perf. we had with miss lim, as a sec 4 batch, with our juniors too.. that i didnt appreciate that moment enough, didnt appreciate miss lim's conducting enough.. and ya, when it was over i was just shocked tt it went by. so, this time.. i am not going to let tt happen to me. i will just appreciate everyth that happens. =)

ok, i am getting jealous at all the nice stuff pple can eat while i am trying to restraint myself from getting sick again. green!

OMG

2007-05-17T16:57:00.000+08:00

it finally worked! oh thank god..have been waiting for this thing to work for years and now finally it works! yes! haha.. ok breif updates on whats been happening.

on syf:
TO GOD BE THE GLORY! seriously and honestly, i really felt that it was god behind it and that's why we got it. god is really really very good to us. and our choir's really blessed by him. think that this is a very gd testimony to his name and i am really glad.

yea, well, i guess we were a little unstable on stage esp. the starting. yes, and then went a little sharp here and there during the performance. and yes, i thk reality then, hit us that we're more or less settling with gold. either high gold or GWH. and i thk everyone was kind of preparing themselves for the worse or either that, feeling a little disappointed, scared.. all sorts of mixed emotions. for me, it was more of like restlessness. yes, i didnt know how or what to feel. cause deep down i was really quite anxious and scared.. yet i know full well that i shldn't be so lack of faith in god. and yes, we prayed tt he will grant us that gwh, so have faith that he will regardless of whatever that happened on stage.

so, i was going bonkers trying to calm myself down and try encourage the other pple too. so it was a intense period of time from how we got offstage, heard feedback that it wasn't our best performance, watched the other choirs sing, marvel at them, waited for the results, and finally hear the results. the lady who announced really scared me. she went like GOLD (fullstop) then added, with honours! and immediately everyone jumped up and screamed. haha. yes. it came really unexpectedly. and i guess god works in such unexpected and amazing ways. simply breathtaking and ya, wow. indeed, it was by his grace that we got what we achieved. amen. so praise god and thank him for everyth. really. even miss lim agrees.

haha. well, so our result came as a shock although we're happy. hmm, i thk that although some of us or other ppl may not feel that we deserve it and yes, we are really very blessed to have gotten it, but i believe that the fact that the judges awarded us that GWH proves the X factor theory right. yea, there must be smth they see in us that made them deem us worthy of that gwh title. so, feel proud of it yes? hmm, maybe others might not see that in us or anything but yes, i believe that that x factor thing saved us.. really. hmm, guess we had communication wth the audience, made them feel part of it. yes, the title can serve as a motivation now for us to work harder so that when we showcase it at our concert we'll be able to show others that we are worthy of the title. yes, we can't afford to be complacent also la. just have fun this week, but must be prepared to chiong all the way for concert. yes,and i believe that if we work hard.. i am sure we will peak at our concert. =))

needless to say, i feel that some choirs are quite gd..but they didn't get the result they wanted due to exceeding time. yes acjc was very gd. and i really respect and applaud them. they kind of knew that they might exceed time but despite that, they went on stage to create music. yep, so they didn't want to go any faster for the slow songs but yes, they just wanted the song to have a full effect.. so, yes, they got gold. but everyone knew they were a GWH choir. and yes, i really respect them for what they did. it was very brave. (thanks xianyou for giving up your acjc choir ticket to me, i'm glad you got a ticket too. thanks)

hmm, yes i thk i said this before, jc choir syf competition is quite intense. simply because in every choir, there is smth to learn from them.. there is substance. ya, great experience although the entire day was very very tiring. the music that some of the choirs created were just simply breathtaking. well, i just want to encourage everyone to continue to press on despite the results that they/we got. yes.there is always room for improvement whether or not they/we did well at the competition yes?

after that we went for dinner at marina food court. and after that some adjourned to esplanade while the rest of us wanted to go home. half way we decided that it was too early then we went to chijmes. sat down and talked too. had great fun la.

i learnt alot though. i thk this really strengthened my faith in god. and yes, it's really too good to be true. god really loves us a lot. amen. yes, we shld have a worship session soon. and miss lim says to count her in accd to hewlett. haha. can't wait.

on 15th may:
i am down with food poisoning,probably due to sushi tei dinner on mothers'day. urgh. no diarrhoea though. just feel like vomitting every sec and feel weak and tired, stomach queasiness and feverish. haha, had a temperature yesterday night 38.5! but glad that it went down today.

now, i feel as though i am suffering from pnuemonia. chest conjestion and coughing. did i tell you how painful it was to cough when your stomach is not feeling well. the worst part is coughing but nth comes out.. urgh. =( so, i didnt go to sch yesterday and today. missed a great deal of tests which i have to make up eventually. urgh. chem spa make up is on friday after ct. kill me. and math make up? no idea..

oh and there's vj concert tonight. thk i can go like this? i guess i will just cab later. can't miss watching ching, lix and mong! go pple! can't scream either. pfft. i am so irritable when i am sick. i havent eaten since breakfast yesterday besides a few mouthfuls of porridge which made me want to throw up again. aahhh! hmm, hopefully i will be well to attend sch tmr. there is comprehension make up tmr after sch. too much sashimi and sushi for my own gd.

=( pissed. oh i had weird recurring dreams though. someone interpret it for me. i kept dreaming of black dots. and how each dot is stationed at each of my joints. and then, i keep dreaming of how they have to be connected in a certain way.. like from dot no.1 to dot no. god knows what. yes, and before i know it, i wake up with a jerk and find that i am a 38.5 hot stuff.

yes, ssss.. i sizzle, i scorch and now i pass the torch! i slept for the entire of yesterday and half of today. urgh!bimbotic. ahhh!!!! somehow, sometimes you wished you cld be ill but when you are really sick, you wished that the sickness would go away. =( miss polly had a dolly who is sick sick sick. she called for the doctor to be quick quick quick!

as of 16th may:
oh yesterday was really bad. my eyes suddenly swelled. thk it's an allergy to medicine tt i took. but thank god.. i am feeling better alr. the swell went down. although fever still quite irregular, keep going up and down. even today. but yes, felt quite frustrated, emo and helpless. and i nearly teared at choir cause i cldn't do anything. but i knew it was for my own gd. so, yes.. it's a motivation for me to rest more and get well soon. thanks to all who encouraged and sent well wishes. love you all! and i got myself another mc!

other random thoughts:
-choir elections are coming, interviews are starting, nomination list is out. yes, exciting and happening!
-chem spa tmr! (hyperventilates)
-concert is coming! exciting too! i need to go learn my scores to make up for the stuff i missed!
-vj concert was gd.
-3 mcs in a week! (record breaking!!!)
-by HIS stripes i will be healed!
-

2 more days!

2007-05-06T22:34:00.000+08:00

2 more days to SYF!!
come on hc choir! we can do this. yep, we've really come this far. looking back just makes me realise how much we've worked for this day! so let's just go up on stage, perform our best,fight all the way (with brains of course) and get that GWH! yes!

smth happened on saturday that made me thk quite a bit. i am sorry, hated myself for awhile. it wont happen again. and when she said that word, my heart broke into a million pieces. really. although i wasn't upset to the point tt i wld break down, but i just felt, like xin1 tong4! yep. yes, i know she said it out of anger.. but yep. thankfully, managed to put it aside until practice ended. then images flashed back again and again. it reminded me of that phone call. but yes, shldn't let it affect me. must be strong and continue fighting! haha, i'm a little fighter man!

ya, i died like don't know how many times in the super mario game tt yuntian posted on yahoogrps. lol. i can't even jump across the first hole but i still kept playing and playing for at least 15 mins. then i gave up. going to try again later. HAHA. one day, i will play until the boss. anw, we have our own nintendo game to play on SYF day! yay! i lvoe jap game!

i went swimming just now. felt so hot and i was sneezing non stop during maths tuition. urgh! so i decided to go for a dip and the jacuzzi was very very good. haha. somehow i love the taste and smell of chlorine. HAHA. yep, hmm, next time i shall have a water bed. a water bed filled with chlorine water. haha, so that when i slp i'll feel as though i'm slping in the pool. lol.

so, why is keanu reeves never a magician?

duh? cause he ''MEI2-TRICKS''

IT'S SO FUNNY RIGHT? and no one found it funny =((

easy-peasy?

2007-05-04T21:35:00.000+08:00

prince hal:
i know you all, and will a while uphold
the unyoked humour of your idleness
yet herein will i imitate the sun
who doth permit the base contagious clouds
to smother up his beauty from the world,
that when he please again to be himself,
being wanted,he may be more wondered at
by breaking through the foul and ugly mists
of vapours that did seem to strangle him
if all year were playing holidays,
to sport would be as tedious as to work
but when they seldom come, they wished for come
and nothing pleaseth but rare accidents
so when this loose behaviou i throw off
and pay the debt i never promised
by how much better than my word i am
by so much shall i falsify man's hopes
and light bright metal on the sullen ground,
my reformation, glittering o'er my fault,
shall show more goodly and attract more eyes
than that which hath no foil to set it off. (not that i have a foil in the first place)
i'll so offend to make offence a skill,
reedeeming time when man least think i will.

shakespeare in king henry iv part 1 act 1 scene 2-

somehow, i thk it's not as easy as how the prince makes it to be. for the prince, he cld switch to a different side immediately cause everything was part of his plan, how he wanted to fool arnd and live days of buffoonery. but usually no one wld do such stuff right? i mean like portray yourself in such bad light so that ultimately when you decide to be ''more yourself'', people will give you more credit and praise?

i love this soliloquy. beautiful language.

understanding

2007-05-03T20:49:00.000+08:00

i really really pray for understanding. for everyone. yes.
and it's 5 days to syf! it's really exciting.
discipline, self control, consistency are the things we really need right now. and i know we can do it.
give her assurance..

and i pray that father you'll be with her every step of the way. even though she may be tired.. father god, i ask you give her the strength and help her know that she can be dependent on you.

i thank god for pple whom i can pray with. today's prayer meetg with some of the choir pple really made me feel refreshed..felt much more energized after the prayer session. indeed, we have a faithful god and he will see us through. amen.

indeed, when the oceans rise and thunders roar, i'll soar with you, above the storm. father you are king over the floods, i'll be still and know you are god. let's really be still and depend on god. know his power and trust that he will deliver us. it is not going to be by our strength that we achieve it but by HIS will and HIS strength. and we have full assurance and faith that we are going to get it because we have a powerful god to back us up. we have a mighty and gracious god who is with us every step of the way. we are singing from victorious ground. so let us be courageous and not fear. amen?

she nearly died

2007-05-01T19:25:00.000+08:00

omgoodness! my brother nearly murdered beverly. thank god, i managed to revive her. phew. beverly's my pink ipod nano by the way. yes, that doesn't mean tt she cldnt have died. urgh. thank god!

ooh, other than that, vch rehearsal that day was not that gd. sigh. i regretted slping at 2.30 the night before. was doing my PI and hopefully it's fine now cause my first draft wasnt gd and i had to redo it. but yes, i shall refrain from slping so late in future. sigh, must excercise more responsibility! but i believe although it's one more week, we can achieve so much better! we really can! but yea, thank god for seok and lishan whom i can pray with anytime..go go go choir! it's exactly 7 more days! so i walked with the choir to marina that day but i left after tt, didnt take lunch. haha, needed the quiet and i was just burnt out i guess. but haha, had fun racing seok up the flight of stairs at marina sq entrance. yep, it's quite shuang. the feeling of adrenaline. exactly what i needed. hee, everyone else thought we were mad. yea, the company that day was great. wished i cld be at the jazz concert that night though. i love jazz. and i have a sudden craze for classical music. and yes, i am madly in love with the theme from swan lake! <33

oh haha, i was late for sch on monday. the ehartless bus driver totally didnt wait for me. and 153 takes really long to come! hmm, shall i take train tmr or bus?

anw, i have a new found courage! and yea, thank god for adeline who sent me this article that day. was very very encouraged by it. it was on how we shld thank god for everything no matter what. and ya, no matter how bad our day was, there was bound to be smth we can give thanks for. yea, so i give thanks for wonderful friends, family? we had a seriously no link conversation over lunch today. i was spamming my brother with KI stuff although i dont take KI. i was telling him how i thk it would be great if humans eat for leisure and not a necessity. and my dad suddenly said that the salted egg wasn't salty cause they didnt preserve it during a full moon. like what on earth? i laughed until i teared. so random and no sense at all? omg. retarded la.

ya, back to the article, it mentioned on how we shldnt focus too much on our problems because god placed us in problems to see how we deal with them, and ultimately, god is interested in shaping and moulding our character too. so my focusing on our problems all the time, thking tt my life is dysfunctional just makes me a selfish person. yes, so that was my new found courage.. thk it served like a strong reminder. and i thank god for it. perhaps it was a drink from the water of life that i have been thirsting for, for such a long time. never been so refreshed. so, for now, i am a happy girl. shall remain positive. esp. for chem lect. test tmr. <333 i love chem with every fibre of my being. lol. lishan thought i was for real when i msged her that.

oh well, missed the altos today. i hope you all had a fruitful practice today aat yuhan's place. argh! heard abt the food and bonding that i missed!! and of course sectionals.. shall attempt to practice myself a little after dinner. yep, amazingly, i cld sing with ring at vch that day.. as in, we were doing a warm up with miss lim.. the one that started frm F# then to high F# then arpeggios down.. i cld actually ring on the high F#. was quite excited.. maybe i shld try it tonight again. sometimes i find tt to get the ring and find my placement, have to sing higher notes first. if it works, i shld try on that pitch from now on.

yes, dinner at sgn gardens today.. equates to beef horfun as usual. and fish soup for my parents.

one day i'll fly away

2007-04-28T20:57:00.000+08:00

i want to be free
i want to be free from this place
(when i grow up)

One day I'll fly away
Leave all this to yesterday
What more could your love do for me
When will love be through with me
Why live life from dream to dream
And dread the day when dreaming ends

this is the day.

smth abt you that makes me smile

2007-04-26T22:32:00.000+08:00

omg, i love this photo besides the fact that Mong isn't in it. but yea. memories of syf two years back have been dominating my mind since tuesday. yes, don't know why don't know what but somehow with you all around, i feel so.. natural, at ease, comfortable.. like i was back in secondary sch. my mum says i hold on too much onto past memories. ohwell. today was an emotional day for me i guess. it was super weird though. the moment i reached sch i was zi-highing while talking to sera and jianyi at the class bench. it was so funny. we were talking abt all sorts of weird things that happned on yesterday's choir practice and how jianyi looks like a christmas elf.yuntian seconds that. christmas is here!! stamp, clap ha! (sorry, there i go again). and i just kept bursting into laughter. and then, suddenly after all that uncontrollable laughter, there was this fatigue that settled in. so for the rest of the day after i stopped going mad when econs lecture started, i got into this really lethargic mode. thk i used up too much ATP (adenosine triphosphate= smth like energy) laughing in the morning. crazy. either that or i am having serious mood swings.

anyway, smth is bothering me quite a bit. urgh, i am so going to slap myself. help! i am so going to build a hideout somewhere in the grounds of hwachong where pple like me can be quiet in.. i need to find a quiet place where i can go to seek solace in.

that pair of eyes that speak of understanding and assurance
that laughter you make when something amuses you, (it makes me want to laugh with you)
that nod you always give to remind me of confidence <3
that's smth abt you that makes me smile.

gold with honours!

2007-04-25T12:53:00.000+08:00

i love snchoir with every single fibre of my being!
yes dears, you all did it =))from a senior's point of view, i can only say that, looking at you all on stage was absolutely breath-taking. hmm,the moment you all walked on stage.. i ebt the whole row of seniors were alr smilign like shit. ya, jsut cldn't stop. and moments before that we were all having heart trepidations. HAHA stands for having a heart attack! haha! and after the performance we were all so proud right til the waiting for the results, we all felt quite scared, remembered that gen and i were squeezing each other's hands, closing our eyes shut.. haha. ya, and when it was announced chij st nicholas girls' choir, gold with honours! although miss lim said not to scream.. it was an unconditioned reflex.. everyone jsut automatic scream like mad.. haha! ahhhh! i was so ecstatic all the way back home! i am so so so proud! it feels so gd even though i am not in the choir anymore. like you hear ppl arnd talking abt stnicks choir getting gwh! i am so so so absolutely proud tt you all got it. well done pple! well deserved results! well done committee! all the tears that you all shed for the choir worth it right? haha.. besides, you all looked pretty glam for once in tt purple uniform!and miss lim looked really gd also.loved her choker. i missed the 'red sea' though.

once again, to god be the glory!

haha, went bonkers.. just seeing the rest of clgmm makes me smile =)) hope tt, i can load the photos soon! love them all. hope you girls had a great dinner!

yep,it's hwachong's turn to get it man! we will get it. come on pple! let's do it! it's 13 more days only =)) zhi3 hui4 bi4 sheng4, bu4 xu3 shi1 bai4! haha, is that correct? omg! i jsut used a chinese phrase! woohoo! this is what hwachong does to you. fttm! (funny to the max)

so, what do you call bob the builder when he retires?

answer: bob. (duh?)

fly away

2007-04-21T18:33:00.000+08:00

ok, haven't updated in such a long time.
yep, firstly, thanks everyone for all the encouragement! i'm fine. yes, feeling much much better alr, because a miracle happened that night, for the first time in so many months. thankful. have been looking forward to it for such a long time. anyway, i managed to release everything out that monday. and now, i am fine. re-energized, renewed..
no, i'm not stressed, even if i am.. ya, i am doing much better now. feeling more motivated i guess.

choir's been doing fine <3! we must continue to improve bit by bit. i can smell the honours coming! come on! we have got to get it and we can! <333 other than that, i have been trying to get my register and resonance back. somehow, kind of lost it. and i shld stop scrunching my face or tensing my shoulders when i sing. and i need to breathe more.

lol. after today's practice, miss ho and miss lim were reminding the choir abt smth impt in our lives as a student. and that struck me hard on the face. cld it be god's voice resonating through them? argh! help help help. i was like, ahhh when i heard it. and i can feel myself crinching within. hmm, lishan felt the same way and then after that, a few pple switched to reflective mode. then some of the alto jnrs set together and we began sharing a bit on whats going on so far..xianyou was like repeating the same line over and over again to me. then i nearly died. but then again, i'll be fine. i need to talk to god. hello god.. are you trying to hint smth here? hmm.

ooh, phantom of the opera was very very nice! the music was good. and the stage effects, lighting.. everyth was good. indeed a world-class musical. i felt so awed after the entire performance. nearly cried the last bit when the phantom was singing.. hmm, felt that his character portrayed a lot abt rejection and disappointment.

have been listening a lot of corrinemay's songs recently. inspiring lyrics and the music's just gd. i'm glad you shared the songs with me, the tunes have been stucked in my head. have been listening to it so frequently esp. when i take the bus back. thank you mortal <3!

you can fly so high
keep your gaze upon the sky
i'll be praying every step, along the way
even though it breaks my heart to know,
we'll be so far apart
i love you, too much
to make you stay
baby, fly away...

still sing

2007-04-15T21:40:00.000+08:00

RJ chorale was so entertaining. yep. not bad a concert. really quite light hearted. GEN the bimbo and QUAN the SOLO pwns! haha! I LOVE YOU BOTH! haha, ching and i agreed that gen so totally got her bimbotic practices from our days in st nicks. haha. THE SUN I SWEAR, IS BLEACHING OUT MY GORGEOUS HAIR =))) entertainment aside. RJ CHORALE has quite a different sound from miss lim's choirs. yep, i guess they sound more fat and ya, sound has more body and it's darker. but sops were a bit thin on the high notes. and some chords weren't formed nicely. otherwise i thk their stage presence is really quite gd. expression and all. i like their fat sound. haha.

and and not forgetting RI choir. there's this really cute sec 1 boy who's quite short and small and haha, vulnerable.
oops. hurhur. i <3 val, nat, ching,lix,gen,mong, mich and quan! missed you all <33

yes, the weekend had been dismal. just 4 letters. s.i.a.n. urgh, many times where i nearly lost it. and on saturday.. it was extremely hilarious. was at the avt. and some of the pple were throwing the ball that we used for captains ball around. and there was this throw that went from the ground to the pple who were sitting at the top of the avt. and the ball like flew pass a few of us who were sitting on the lower levels. although it probably didnt fly anywhere near me, i just screamed and i started tearing automatically. haha. was damn funny la. then cause the pple arnd me were laughing, i started laughing too, so i was laughing and tearing like some crazy sort person. haha. thankfully it stopped soon enough.

i feel an outburst coming soon. just like any minute my rubber band is going to snap. and it's ridiculous. why am i feeling this way and hello woman? you are only in j1? if i go on feeling whatever it is i am feeling, j2 will just be a worse nightmare. ok, breathe!! don't stress!! breathe!!

so, god, i pray that you won't let that happen. help me to remain strong and cheerful so that i may encourage those around me. i read this prayer somewhere. it goes smth like.. lord, i don't understand why this is happening, i don't know why it's this way and i don't know why it's happening to me but still i thank you.

(don't need to wait for the sun to shine
don't need to wait for the clouds to clear
i'll still sing
i know that my god, you're so good
don't need to wait for the waves to still
don't need to wait for the storms to calm
i'll still sing
i know that my god, you're so good)

phantom of the opera on tues <3
and there's choir tmr <333

self control

2007-04-12T20:20:00.000+08:00

ok self control is the keyword.
self control from screaming and making that urgh.. noise that will spoil my throat
self control from eating fried food and all sorts of things that will hurt my throat
self control from wishing our chem teacher would take the day off
self control from thinking of stuff
self control from pressing numbered and green buttons
self control from emoing
self control from letting those tears flow down

ok, self control aside.. st nicks just blows me away. for many reasons. and i love my dear choir girls. just make sure you girls go all out and all the way. 2 more weeks only. CAN! i nearly teared while i hear her speak promisingly abt snchoir. thk we all came a long way since the last syf 2 yrs ago in 2005. and ya, finally this is the batch which can fufill the long awaited dream. we shall see. if all of you can maintain it till syf, you win. and i just want to say that i am very inspired after hearing them. i guess it makes me want to work hard for my own competition and create MUSIC.

anw, choir prac yesterday for me was kind of a rarr practice. haha, yep, was feeling even more rarr when i got home. sound just cldn't come out and i dont even know if the dong ding DANG doong awful sound came from me. ya. thk i overstretched my vocal chords. it feels like they are going to snap and my entire lungs is going to collapse kind of feeling. haha, psychological. i shld say, ''i am fine''. yes, and i realise i shld just smile everyday cause a smile can probably make a whole lot difference to someone else. so any trashy feelings, just ren3 and go find a wall to kick or smth. lol.

so concert schedules:
14th april RJ CHORALE
17th april THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA
24th april SYF CENTRAL JUDGING FOR CHOIR (SECONDARY SCHOOLS)
17th may VJ CHOIR CONCERT
27th may HC CONCERT

KIV: njc choir concert. details unknown.

wow. HAPPENING RIGHT?
yes, 8th may is drawing closer and closer, it just makes me want to work harder. i really really want it. and we will get there! although not everyone may be completely of the same mind yet but i know everyone is working towards it. could have slap myself for making weird noises last evening. seriously! i shld have more faith. yes, feeling rarr wasn't an excuse for me to react so lack of faith and disgusting. ohmy, i just realise how insensitive i was.. ETTM! (er to the max)

RARR!! ok, breathe!!! that was yesterday. i was er. now i shld get over it. and move on!
ok nvm. today i feel refreshed and more positive..

so much for feeling better, i shld get myself ear plugs. seriously.

how?

2007-04-11T12:59:00.000+08:00

ok, end at 12.30 today. finally a reasonably early day that i end sch at. at the library now.. finally manage to find time to relax at the library.. listening to my abrsm grade 8 favourites on the ipod.. haha, sonata in g reminds me so much of nat pua whom i so dearly miss!

i miss cclgmmhq sorely.. but yay! meeting them on sat! looking forward to gen ang's concert! heard she's gonna do a solo. ooh! all the way man!

haha, nostalgia! i was telling someone that day abt czech republic! oh my gosh!

besides that of course, sch today was ok. just that many pple seem really stressed up, tired and all. sigh, i guess the least i can do is to really keep praying for them.

hmm, the piano is a damn nice instrument! like i wish i could play as well. like one day i could sit at a cafe and just start playing jazz pieces.. but nah. dont thk it'll ever happen. ahvent touched my keyboard in years. like there's no motivation. it's great to be able to play pieces and when you hear gd pianists playing, you jsut melt. and plus plus, some songs are really nice.. but when you come down to learning them, it's a whole deal of hard work. so msot of the time i like give up halfway. which is super bad..

oh! bridge announcement was quite fun today, thought that our second song was quite rush though.. otherwise, great job pple!! =)) haha, take a chance on me!

so ya, anyone wants to coem for hc choir concert? 27th may2007 at the esplanade 7.30pm sunday! ticket prices at 13,16 and 26. i know that it's on the global day of prayer too.. but yep, just let me know if you want to come for my concert ok? it's going to be really cool. for stnicks pple, we're going to sing jaacobin also! and err.. there's this really damn cute cactus song. ya, you know what i mean. hurrhurr.

yep, publicity pple, good job done too! yay!! our banner looks lovely. =))

back to reflecting and relaxing and reading newsweek. seeya =))

a leopard who never changes its spots, a reflective day, a tiring afternoon

2007-04-10T18:49:00.000+08:00

so, i just got home and guess what, i found a leopard residing in the living room sofa watching tv. still as badly behaved.
yesterday was a day where i reflected a lot amidst the soft singing of 'somewhere out there'. the wind blew gently the music was good. there was this feeling that was moving. music perhaps? well, did a lot of reflection and came to my conclusions. byt he end of the day my throat hurt, still does but better after i drank apple cider. going to take another cup tonight. so, everyone please hang on and jiayou. i guess whatever that happened probably showed us where we stand currently in a performance setting.
finally we hung the banner. praactised our songs and i guess we're all set for tmr! thank you publicity comm. people!! you've been a great bunch! many thanks to our lady boss also! =)) tiring day though maybe cause i slept only 4 plus hrs. zzz. record breaking news man! but i dont know why either. i got up at 3. and i cldnt go back to slp. so might as well, complete my gp and PI.

so there you have it, a leopard who never changes its spots, a reflective day and a tiring afternoon. written by C.C keqing

yes, other than that i am very very encouraged by god's miracle! he healed Jayna.. and ya, god is good! amen!

internal conflict

2007-03-29T22:19:00.000+08:00

yes, within myself.
i find it so hard to convince myself to do it.
like, here goes. i was selected to go for the VBC (virtual business challenge) by default. and, i don't really want to do it cause i have absolutely no interest.. and it is also not as if i am really free to play online games everyday, come up with strategies to stay in the game.. all sorts of funny things.
so, i so totally convinced myself to pon it. pon every single briefing, game session or whatsoever. i even broadcasted to the whole world tt i was going to pon it and i was proud of it.
but in my heart i knew tt i didnt dare to do so. either that or i realised tt it was going against my principles. like how it is just not me to pon. and i knew very well that since i can do nothing abt it,(since all my classmates refuse to sub me): i might as well make the best out of it, right? yes, and i know very well that that shld be the attitude.
on the other hand, i didnt want myself to succumb to circumstances but i wanted to manipulate myself out of this situation. i want to be like LINDO JONG!
seems impossible actually. cause in the end, there are consequences. and i am not prepared to face them.
and yes, i shld really trust god that i will get smth out of this. really.
so i spent half an hour or so, venting it out, sorting out within myself.. well, felt a bit better after that because i kept myself occupied with other thoughts, other plans, other things. aww, some ppl just makes you smile :)
yes, so, i know that i shld choose the right option. so whatever that is not right, OUT YOU GO OF MY MIND. shutup and don't ever creep into my mind unaware!
i bet the devil's using every single opportunity to mislead us, esp when we are tired. so well, i guess, if you're in that position, ask god to guard your heart and well give you the peace within yourself, wisdom and discernity to choose the right thing to do. many a times we know what is right to do but whether we do it in the end is another thing.
yes, so that's my encouragement to you. other than that..
last random statement: we can't afford to be complacent at all snchoir! until miss lim makes a hand gesture to cut the note of the last song on the 24th, you are still in the game, the competition! you know how much you want it and you know you can get it. so dont let your guard down! i believe in you! you can do it! so never take thigns for granted. and yes, no room at all for complacency friends! jiayou!! <3!

quick update

2007-03-23T22:45:00.000+08:00

so, things have been going on fine. just get annoyed sometimes here and there when my schedule of everything, sch, choir and tuition keeps clashing with each other. then, i get really annoyed trying to fix everything. but all is well, at least for now.
i have learnt in these few days to treasure what god has given me, to be very thankful for every single moment. hmm, sometimes when we are really helpless and when there's really nth that we can do, we can only turn to Jesus for help.

the violin is a really nice instrument. (random)

had dinner with jeanette on tuesday. it was really great to do some catching up and just encouraging each other =)

well, i have been thinking alot abt stuff. tsk. i got to stop myself from harbouring any thoughts that are not right. please stop. seriously. damaging your brain ya? focus on the more important things please!

other than that, my dear friends, please hang on and let's all work hard for sch! nat! dont stress yourself! =))

zzz.

overwhelmed

2007-03-17T00:06:00.000+08:00

i must say tt i am so overwhelmed by the amt of blessings that i have been receiving these days. seriously.
i got the subj combi i wanted. and the best part is tt i am still in the same class. ohwell. what can i say? god is good, all the time.

hmm, please don't start emo-ing my dear friends. i don't think you'll ever read this, but if you happen to do so, i just want to say that i'll be here for you, like all friends do. it's jsut worrying to see how upset you are. i know you can pull through this ya? you're a strong person!

walked arnd TM with sarah and xinyu this afternoon. ohman! seriously, it's one of our funnest outings. acting like bimbos, looking for nail poish, earrings, and smth nice which all four of us can buy. haha, in the end we didnt buy anything! and yes sarah, CENTURY SQ IS THE PLACE TO BE. aww. i miss all of you. the short mrt ride with nat, sarah and xinyu was so fun. talked abt many things. haha, we shld seriously have more of these outings.

<3!

whatever will be will be.

2007-03-15T21:12:00.000+08:00

whatever happens, it is all in HIS hands.
sigh, i don't want to thk abt my subject combination and whether i will be able to take h2 econs, or whether i will still stay in my class or get to change class or whatsoever.
i just want to trust GOD that whatever it is, it is the best thing for me.
"sometimes, god doesn't give us what we want cause he can't bear to see us live through such painful experiences.''

so, i am just leaving it to him.

whatever it is, god, i know you still love me. even if the world looks differently at me, you still love me.
what will be will be.

when i was a little girl, i ask my mother what will i be,
will i be pretty? will i be sweet?
that's what she said to me
what will be will be..

the miracle is in your mouth

2007-03-13T22:38:00.000+08:00

i am so amazed by GOD's goodness. haha, still rmb how i was praying for choir last night that we will sound ok today, and we sure did sound not bad. haha, had mr velasco's workshop today. gained a lot of new insights i guess. yep, interesting clinician. i guess i learn how to appreciate music in different forms.. and today i am reminded of the use of imagery and how it can really help you to learn faster int erms of music techniques and all. yea, i guess i classify myself as a visual person. learn better while seeing things. yes. a very jovial man i must say.

and i am quite happy tt the banner thing is more or less settled, tmr got to get the paint and paintbrushes.. and haha, we almost cldn't get the chalk, but i was like telling myself, somehow, we'll get it settled, cause god will help us. haha, and sure enough xian you found chalk from his boarding sch friends. yay! many simple and small stuff yet so significant. haha.

i guess when you pray and believe, you will receive. as simple as that. not saying tt you will get what you pray for everytime though. everything is in god's will and if it's for the best, god will answer your prayer. yep.

well, so, i just heard that gefang will be having concert in sch on the 27th may which is also our choir concert at the esplanade. haha, in comparison, our ticket will be more expensive and yea. it coincides with OCIP also. so i guess, i will be leaving this entire thing to god. even SYF. we will get that gold. we are almost there already, come on pple.

read a pretty gd book last time abt proclaiming in his name,truly believing and having faith in god. yep, the miracle is in your mouth. how you perceive god, is how you'll receive from him. the fact is that, when he blesses, he gives more than you can ask for. and he blesses not because of anything you do or whatsoever, but it's because of his grace.

not because of who i am
but because of what you've done
not because of what i've done
but because of who you are..

when all else fails

2007-03-12T21:46:00.000+08:00

today i am reminded of an impt lesson.
when all else fails, the only thing you can do is to turn to god.
yes, suddenly had this random thought in my mind while combing amk for a shop that sells cloth, it was alr 8. yes, to no avail though. yea, even the shop uncle needs to slp and end work early ok?
and this thought was brought across even stronger when.. urgh. don't want to talk abt it. switching off. i find it rather helpful to blast music when you dont feel like hearing anything at all. ironic but ya, when you blast music, you practically hear nth except the music of course.
but it's a bad idea listening to OC. ya, the music is really very very nice, but quite emotional. yea, really nice music, but emotional.
but, i am definitely not emoing. hhaha, keeping my commitment not to do so.
oh my, i jsut went ''ahh!'' when a lack of colour by deathcab came on.

i love my new bimbotic ipod nano! and i love the oc soundtracks!

a special friend

2007-03-12T19:31:00.000+08:00

HAPPY 17TH BIRTHDAY NATALIE PUA KAI JING <3!

You are always special to me in everyway. have a great yr ahead! LOVE YA!

no title

2007-03-11T00:34:00.000+08:00

cldnt thk of a heading for this post. well, thank you lovely 7 pple who bought tickets to the ntu concert! at least miss lim wasn't upset with the numbers or anything.

and, sn choir! congrats on the wonderful performance last night at the concert. you all did well. though i wasn't there, you know how proud i was when i heard from so many pple that you guys were great? and yes. i was really excited and somehow i started wishing i was there to hear the real thing and experience the music myself. but yes, this doesn't mean tt you pple can start being complacent and thk you all will sing tt well for syf ok? i'm sure through this performance, you all can already see your potential and know tt you all are capable of getting the results, so the challenge right now is to remain consistent and give your wonderful conductor the security when conducting you all. if you can achieve tt, you win. yes? remain focus all the way. i believe you all can do it. =)

and, rioHC.. we can do this. we just have to identify our problem. yes like miss lim said, there shld be no reason why we still cant get it when we are trying. bingzhu also said there must be some other underlying reason. we just have got to reflect and sort it out individually. yes, sometimes i really wonder what's my problem also. why am i so inconsistent and why only sometimes then i can produce the correct sound. sigh. looks like i need more practice so tt in future i can straight away get it. no time to lose i thk. must go find a partner to 'ah' at during break time. and my breathing! looks like i must start ''kaii's workout'' soon. 50 situps, 3 times a week. gambatte!

went for nat's band concert. rjc's band is really gd. not bad at all. the concert was kind of entertaining. and NAT! ZOMG! your solo was brilliant. made my heart melt. aww. di tanjong katong! =) you take care alright! and i shall see you very soon! stop ponning student development ok? be a guai kid!

that's all i guess.

GG

2007-03-08T23:53:00.000+08:00

haha. in your opinion, what constitutes knowledge? that was the KI selection test question. cheeminology!
hmm, although i didn't get into KI, and i feel a little sad tt i am going to leave my class for another in term 2, i know tt this is part of god's plan for me. and ya, have more or less come to accept it already. trusting him.

well, gg! because.. i hate to disappoint pple but ya.. argh! someone please reply me with a positive answer!

hmm, see how. i shall go to slp now, pray abt it and have faith tt although it seems hopeless, there will be at least 10 pple who reply yes!

yes?
yes, that's what i shld do.

fantasizing

2007-03-05T21:00:00.000+08:00

my dream is to live at the countryside. live in a nice mansion which is huge yet warm. and in the house there would be a fireplace and beside the fireplace there will be a nice huge beanbag where i can sit in. there would be this nice couch where i could lie on, to fall asleep while roasting chesnuts and marshmellows over the fire. outside the house, there would be a garden and a huge open field filled with flowers and grass which you can step on and feel good about it. there would be absolutely no mud, just carpet grass. in the middle of the field there would be a treehouse. the treehouse will be my secret hideout where i keep all my secret things . the field would be large enough for me to ride my horse. yes, there would be a shed beside my mansion. there would be a horse in it. a brown one with a long wavy white mane. and i would ride my horse whenever i want to.

such a carefree life isn't it? hello? come back to reality.
haha, now i understand why serene kept saying that she can't wait to get to heaven. hmm, heaven would be so much better than whatever i dreamt about.

dear god, help me go through this. i thk its a phase but i want to get over it now. lord, help me to be patient and know that everything is revealed in your time. help me to depend on you for courage and strength to get through each day. be it in sch, at choir, at home. help me to trust you. that's all i really need to do. to have faith and keep holding on to you. i want to get out of whatever i am in right now. i just want to leave everything to you. my subject combination, my new class perhaps, my new teachers, choir.. everything. help me to know what you really meant when you said "not by my will, but yours be done." amen.

father let me dedicate, all this life to thee
in WHATEVER WORDLY STATE, thou would have me be
not by sorrow, pain or care, freedom dare i claim
and whatever the future brings, glorify thy name.

can a child presume to choose, where or how to live
CAN A FATHER'S LOVE REFUSE, all the best to give
let my glad heart while it sings
thee in all proclaim
this alone shall be my prayer, glorify thy name.

i'll be fine. i know i will. just need to let everything out, let everything go to God. tmr will be a new day! and i will feel afresh the very minute i step into school. no more emo-ing and thking of all the negative stuff. i won't be 'sort'. i'll be strong because i am filled by the strength from the holy spirit. and it shall stay this way. i live in victory.

still learning

2007-03-03T22:28:00.001+08:00

friday was a really bad day for me. although it was most probably a great day for most of the A level pple in sch, yea,it was a really bad day for me. and it didn't help that it started raining so heavily. so it was a really dismal day. as usual i was thinking again about many things.

things i need to change about myself:
1) i need to really learn how to stop brooding over things
2) i need to learn how to trash and put everything aside during moments where i have to focus a lot
3) i need to learn how to not make empty promises to anyone, to myself
4) i need to stop pretending that every thing is going fine

i have tried really hard to keep in contact with all of you by sending random messages to you guys. well, i guess its my way of showing that i still remember you and i still treasure our friendship and hopefully that msg i send will keep you happy for the rest of the day. you have no idea how different it is here, you don't exactly have someone to hang out or crap so much with, feeling so comfortable with. and i am sorry that i am not able to meet up with you all as often. and it's almost like bursting your bubble when i cancel on a mtg or anything like that. i know i am the one who's always having smth on, always not being able to meet you all, always having church, always having classes (piano lessons, tuition etc.) , always not allowed.. but i still treasure every single one of you. and i am sorry for the sudden turn of events.

there's smth wrong with me, seriously. this week's just so bad. i've been upset at the simplest things. i've been frustrated for nth. things arnd me just not going right. and sometimes i just switch off. refusing to listen to all the voices arnd me. imagining myself in a vacuum, every day, every night.

have been thrown into all sorts of dilemmas. most likely i'll be switching class soon. changing to h2 econs. either that, i try to take KI. and the sole reason for wanting to take KI is because i don't want to fall into a situation where i got to re adapt to everything again. so sick of it. either that or i remain where i am, and when there are more intake of KI students, i get thrown into another class. either way, i will be leaving my current class. and it's really a pity. i have really nice and great teachers currently. sometimes i ask myself what's the point of holding on to things which you know don't last. so that you have wonderful memories to carry you through tough times? but these memories just hurts me more when you thk abt them and wish them back, it hurts when you compare to your current pathetic state.

5)i need to stop wallowing in self-pity. like what the hell am i trying to do when i think? what's the point of thking and thking? the problem goes away? far from it.

i try to identify the root of the whole problem. and back to the same thing, inferiority complex. do i really have inferiority complex? hmm, all along i thought i am a very confident person. i mean i can be strong in front of so many pple, but inside do i really feel confident of myself? or do i just degrade myself, put myself below everyone else, thking i am the worst. err, thk i need to be reminded of self-worth. and i know it is not measured by all these things but by his act of love. ''you are precious'' says God. "you are fantastic as always,''she says. so why am i still telling myself that i can't make it.

why do i even care what others think about me all the time?

it's all in the mind. and i got to stop being ''sort'' or ''ting tong''.

the inner turbulence just goes on and on. i need to get it all out.

silly pple

2007-02-28T22:14:00.000+08:00

yes, i just realise how silly the bunch of us who were at the library were. this afternoon was really retarded.
we just sat at the desks.. did a bit of work but later started emo-ing. and we started to emo only cause edison asked abt emo-ing again. and he was so persistent in finding out how emo-ing was like. and he tried to make himself emo. how funny right? in the end, everyone was so tired of explaining to him and end up admiring him for his tremendously heck care or positive attitude. heh, so i kind of went to choir with a heavy heart and after choir, i just felt rather upset. sigh. have never seen miss lim this way, not even in st nicks. i guess she treasures rioHC a lot. that's why it hurts so much.

=(

and janice, it's not true that my worries are affecting my voice. or is it?

IJ spirit's burning bright
fill our hearts with warmth and light
light that shines for all to see
love that sets our spirit free

hold on to our dreams,
oh please, don't stop believing
our hearts, and hands, ever seeking ever searching
....

the song goes smth like how we shld never lose hope in whatever we are believing in. well, HC choir, let's not lose hope. someone once said that the world may give up on us, but we shld never give up on ourselves.
found this statement very interesting.
" joy is the will which labours, which overcome obstacles, which knows triumph''

interesting question

2007-02-26T22:02:00.000+08:00

edison asked me how come girls can go emotional abt everything and anything under the sun when they feel sian whereas guys just heck and go to sleep. hmm, interesting question huh? ya, and he was asking like what's there to emo about. and i was busy trying to come up with an explanation to put my point across as to how from one significant thing that affects you, you can link it to many random things that has happened and how this entire thing equates to emo-ing.
hmm, i use to tell ppl not to emo cause only elmos emo. but then again there is only one elmo who lives at sesame street. ohwell. ya, only elmos emo! so quit emo-ing!!!! ARGH! then again i wonder how long can i keep a positive attitude towards things that have been going arnd me. it's draining.
and it's tiring only cause i'm human. yes, human. not elmo.

but i know i can depend on god and his divine strength. knowing is one thing but truly believing in it is another.
sighs.
i thk the both of you are lucky to have each other to support each other. keep staying strong alright?

ok, i am talking to myself already. :(

before, during and after cny

2007-02-21T20:18:00.000+08:00

chinese new year eve's eve (friday) was great. school celebrations were kind of quite hyped up as usual. enjoyed the faculty dance competition where i just smoked my way through by so called "moving in a general direction." hehe, it's really very fun and ARES WON THE FAC DANCE! yay! thk our spirit won us the prize. anyway, all the way choir! we can do it, our hc spirit/ choir spirit will get us there. don't lose confidence. we just have to give it our best shot every practice =))

anyway, went back to sn later. just to eat. SN CANTEEN FOOD ARE REALLY REALLY GD! i ate orange bowl and mushroom rice for lunch. can you believe it? two meals at one go! i just miss it so much. heard that sn had a full day tt day. hee, sec 4s still have extended lessons. don't worry sec 4s! persevere, the teachers are doing this for your own good and ya, it pays off at the end of the day! brings back memories of the time where we had extended lessons. tiring. i rmb i wld buy loads of food and smuggle it back to class to eat.

left after i gave oranges to miss tan. well, let's just say that i owe her quite a lot to where i am today and where i was in sn. thats's why must bless her by encouraging her? anyway, she almost told me smth but she said to reserve it later. hmm, sounds as though she's going to get married. hurr. maybe!

anyway, everytime i walk into sn. get this really nostalgic feeling. yea, enclosed in the four walls of the sch are many memories. ha. i miss everything, the people, the food, the teachers.. but babeh, please move on! had an emo talk with eliza and althea today at the canteen while waiting to speak to mr terng. basil was around too, just that he was emo-ing while listening to his music. looks like we agree with quite a lot of things. you girls don't stress ya? love!

my entire cny was filled up with mahjong! haha, well, i went for a latenight movie on monday. quite interesting show. ghost rider. Eva mendes is quite hot. ssss.. anyway, i kind of panicked on tuesday while rushing my econs article appraisal. shall never do things last min. yep, havent got down to counting my angbao money yet. yup. anyway, its almost the same every yr, maybe lesser this yr. but it's always my brother's angbao plus mine divide by two. hee. so both stand to gain. but my brother is really really rich. =(

so after cny, got back to sch today feeling quite tired and sleepy head. finished article at 1 plus last night. so.. ya. besides that, i thk cause after such a long yet short break, going back to sch feels sianing. but yea, some stuff which i can look forward to in sch. that includes choir, gp lessons, chatting with crazy friends..

choir didnt start off too well today but i found that it was quite fruitful towards the end. yep, jiayou everyone, we can do this. i realise that i am quite guilty of not focusing 120% also. kept yawning during combine before the lao niang came. when she came, everyone was just super awake after she scolded. hopefully we don't have to make her scold us all the time before we start getting down to business. realise that we are rather inconsistent also. was just talking to lishan and i was telling her that hc choir reminds me quite a lot of sn choir just that hc choir probably knows how to deal with miss lim's scoldings more positively. anyway, she said smth which struck me. didn't really know what she really meant when she said that she has high hopes on us until today. sighs. let's just do it, let's not disappoint ourselves and the people arnd us ya? anw jap game cld be quite enjoyable if we all focus and produce the right sound. i love jap game, but its a really tiring song. but we can do it. choir started angel mortal! well, let's just say i have a refine mortal. and the other is just simply sweet. everyone seems to know who my angel is. hmm. that might be a clue. anyway, looking forward to choir prac on saturday!

ok, thank you edison for doing my new layout! =)

POOR CHERIE

2007-02-21T14:01:00.000+08:00

oh cherie this is my first time seeing ur blog... y so long nv post one? so empty sia... ok then since it is so sian i shall end it here. dun forget to credit me in ur blog!

GOD NEVER FAILS

2007-02-09T22:09:00.000+08:00

ohmy.
i am really very blessed by god. it's truly by his grace that i managed to do well for my o levels. i totally didnt expect myself to improve so much from prelim results. so i am really glad, relieved?
god is really really really very good.
was really very nervous when i was opening the result slip. hands all trembling like seriously. then i was screaming like amd when i saw my L1R5. yep. more than just being happy, i thk once again god has delivered. he never fails.. like honestly.
=))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
and although my results aren't as gd as most of the pple in hc, still, i am very very contented and thankful.
congrats to everyone else for getting gd grades! just want to encourage the rest of you that results aren't a measure of self worth and you are still special in your own way regardless of how many points you got.

hey dear, i hope you are feeling better. take care ok?

=))))))) can't stop smiling at how much god has blessed me with.

all the way st nicks. good job everyone! and to the OTHER SCH who wanted to welcome us into band 2, i am so sorry to disappoint you that st nicks most probably will be in band 1 =) aww...

in a few hrs

2007-02-08T20:26:00.000+08:00

ok, so it's a few hrs more to receiving the oh so anticipated o level results.
well, can't say i don't feel a single thing
i feel....

a little nervous for my results tmr
as though we are not receiving results tmr also

yea, kind of mixed up. felt a little on the verge of tearing when lynnette said smth abt the orientation photos being our source of reminder of how the choir enjoyed ourselves together. call me emo but yea, like i ahve always said and repeated many times, GP TUTORIALS AND CHOIR and maybe now, chem lecture and my class, my senior class are the only things tt make me smile..i love my seniors and choir seniors.. they are all really very nice pple. anw, whatever it is,god will deliver me.. and no matter what happens, i will praise him. easy to say but i thk it's going to be difficult to truly do tt esp. in difficult times.

dear lord, help me to be contented with what i achieved because it's given by you.
help me to have faith in you lord that i may believe that i have done well even if i have not seen the results.
allow me to know that you are in charge of my life and you have a great plan ahead of me, whatever that may be.
help me to praise you in all circumstances whether gd or bad.
i thank you for the few weeks where you enabled me to truly enjoy myself at school.
i thank you for the many wonderful, caring people, whom you have sent my way to make these few weeks in sch so enjoyable.
i thank you for helping me adapt to the sch's environment.
i pray that you'll continue to bless my friends and i, whrever we may be.
amen.

ultimate stupidity

2007-02-05T21:38:00.000+08:00

guess what? i burnt my fingers when lighting a bunser burner. how silly?
that's cause the lousy low tech bio lab doesn't use fire starters to light bunsen burner. all use the old fashion method by matchsticks. so stupid me, damn kan chiong when i finally lighted the match, switched on the gas tap and i accidentally tried to light the bunsen burner by holding the matchstick over the top of the bunsen burner and not approach it from the sides. so when it lighted, my fingers were caught in the flame. (that was your cue to go.. 'ouch') ask me to show you how i did it if you didnt understand. quite difficult to explain. and, the bio lab didnt have any cream to aid burnts or anything. and my bio teacher probably thought being burnt by the bunsen flame is not a big deal and it is very common. hurr.. my brother insisted otherwise, that the lab probably dont have burnt cream cause no one wld be that silly to burnt their fingers. and now i am suffering from light-the-flame phobia. urgh.

anyway, i just hope i dont get blisters. worst part, my writing fingers are the ones tt are burnt. right index and right middle finger. zzz. comeon, someone challenge my stupidity. hee, not a gd thing though.

ooh, o level results are on friday. finally the day which everyone has been waiting for. hmm, feel a little nervous, but i am jsut going to trust him in this. with him, all things are possible and i know it full well.

had choir today, tried to sing. amazingly,throat felt better after practice. weird. quite fun la, today's practice was quite fruitful i suppose. yep, thk everyone has been piahing the wrong way. but we shall persevere, oh yes we will.

other than that, today was really mundane.=( hate mundane days. had only 2 hrs of bio lab and 1 hr of math lecture today. the rest of the time was stoning. tmr's worst. yucks. end at 5.30. zzz.

yea, got to drink more apple cider, honey.. all sorts of things to get my throat back in shape.

''throat infection,'' says the doc.

2007-02-01T18:17:00.000+08:00

so i didnt go to sch today. woke up feeling as though my throat wasn't there.
c: so maybe you piahed the wrong way. maybe you were screaming too much.

went to see the doctor, got my mc and excuse from choir on sat. =( what a wrong time to fall sick.
c: so this is the result of being stubborn. how are you to last till the 8th of may?

whatever. i just want to get well soon, and get well now. so i can start trying to improve my voice again. to quote from mr quek, pray that you'll get well soon. yes. pray pray pray!!!!!

hmm, of course it's probably 4 more days to o levels releasal of results. probably. it's a strong rumour, but then again, no one will know when they decide to release it. hannah insisted tt it's going to be on a friday which makes it 8 more days. either way, it's still quite soon. i rather get it earlier. then i can stop thking abt it now and then esp. when i am on the bus and have nth much to do.

well, i promised to trust god in this. and yes, i will. manage to read smth interesting off huiying's blog which really encouraged me. '' in jesus christ, i will lead a 100% victorious life.'' and she shared abt how she told her friend tt although she didnt study for a test, she will definitely pass it. sounds incredible huh? yep, in christ, i wil emerge victorious in my o levels. and yes i will! wrote a song the other day to encourage myself.

Jesus, i know
that You are the Lord Almighty
Jesus, i know
that You are the king of kings
Lord, i trust in You
that You will deliver me
Lord, i believe in You
that You will bring me through the stormy seas..

chorus:
You are my God
and i will believe
that You can do all things
You are my God
and i will sing
praises to You,oh Jesus

Jesus You are
the Lord above all things, and all mankind
Jesus you are
the gracious loving father
Lord, oh mighty saviour
in You, i'll have no fear and no more worries
great is Your love,
in You, i'll have all faith and confidence..

chorus

bridge:
i'll have no fear X3
for You are God

chorus

i guess in a way, i wrote this to remind myself of who god is. how he is everything. how powerful he is. and because he is so powerful and loving and gracious, anything in him, through him is possible. that includes the difficulties that we face in our lives. god has a great plan for all of us. all we have to do is to just trust him in it.
amen? i hope this encourages anyone who feels upset or feel that their situation is hopeless.
i feel really weak now. mentally, emotionally, physically..
but guess what?
when i am weak, god is strong!

i see the blue moon tonight

2007-01-31T21:48:00.000+08:00

did you see it coming too?

well, just overwhelmed by thoughts. just had choir prac today. had 3 gd practices consecutively previously but recently we had 3 bad practices consecutively.
i was thking alot after i rushed off, feeling uber emotional. felt terrible throughout the entire practice actually. hmm, so pple can really tell if there is smth wrong with me huh? seems to me tt i have this super zonked out and blur look when i am upset, dull eyes.
i felt really frustrated with myself when i cldnt produce the correct sound. it's like you know what the correct sound shld be, you know what to do to get it, you can get it in previous practices, but so happens you can't produce it at THAT specific moment. and whatever tt came out of my mouth today was air. and the worse part is that i suppose to be helping my peers to improve but now i am adding to the problem. it's almost like i can't even settle myself, to achieving consistency in all practices, and i try to help others. a bit kay kiang right? and to thk tt i was on my way to getting back the correct sound when i cld ring.. in fact, i just realise how inconsistent i am.
i understand tt patience is a virtue. that such stuff comes with much practice and i havent been singing for a long time until now since i started sch. but i have been practising since end of dec?
sometimes i try to thk positively and remain strong like what i told sn choristers to do. like you know, i know tt i can take comfort in knowing tt everyone else is fighting this battle together and that we're going to support each other all the way. things like how i shld never give up and really persevere. cause giving up wld be as gd as useless. but i'm starting to thk tt i am a bit silly, cause sometimes i try so hard, yet naddaa, nth happens.
trying too hard, trying the wrong way? perhaps. sometimes i thk i am piahing too hard.
i was really thking like what's the point of having so much fighting spirit, when results are not showing.

i really hate to disappoint pple. i mean i rather get a big scolding than to not be scolded at all at the same time know that the other party is terribly disappointed. it just suddenly hit me when she promised not to scold us until 8th may, wanted to come on a day where we won't be tired. sudden welling of tears in the eye.

other than tt, i hate the wind at hwachong. its equi. to weather at czech during summer. there's wind, a little warmth ffrm sunlight. thk i caught a cold in the morning also.. sneezing non stop. took medicine. now feeling super drowzy. forgive me if i start speaking rubbish. and i am not depress or demoralized, just a littl frustrated.

the end

2007-01-05T21:39:00.000+08:00

i just realised that blogging is going to be real hard and almost impossible in this coming year.
so what i'm going to do is to stop blogging. (will blog once in a blue moon) so, check out the night sky, maybe you'll see a blue moon one day.
yep, really have no time and i am not a very interesting blogger also. and, i thk when you have a blog, unless you really have this burning passion to write and share, i thk by having a blog, makes me obliged to write. which is not the point of having it really.
i also realise that whatever i want to share, whatever i want to just say abt my day can be done when i talk to god. it's really quite cool to start talking to god, even aloud, when the lights are off and you're lying down on your bed. sometimes you hear a reply, sometimes you don't.. nevertheless, you know there's someone there listening and not judging you, nor condemning you. it's so unlike the world where they read your blog and start to draw conclusions abt you.. hmm, please don't get the wrong idea right now tt when i write this saying tt i dont want to blog anymore is because of someone who has passed comments abt my blog or anything. but rather, i find tt it's very true that pple really judge you. that's the world sadly.
i've begun to talk more to god seriously alot at night abt every thing, some random stuff, my thoughts on certain things like BGR for eg. just almost everything.. learning slowly to trust him in every thing.
but, it so happens tt the 3rd day of my commitment to trust him fully failed miserably. sigh, it's over, i just hope tt such occurences wont happen again.

anyway, back to my story.

i'm in JC now. it's a different world out here. i enjoyed orientation so far. still have 1 more week of orientation. getting into classes next week. this week was great fun together with my OG. yea, crazy pple who made games sessions so fun. even dance sessions, song, cheer sessions..i thk the council is really very efficient, impress! games were really good, thk these type of games really need very eccentric pple to come up with. zai! and their planning and time management is really quite good also la, considering tt sn exco had challenging times regarding these two aspects. wha, their games really zai =)) i thk hwachong has a very eventful past. hmm, will share with you if you are interested. i thk the way the entire sch pulled through the tough times especially during THE MOVE in 1980s, made me felt really touched. yea, and i have never heard of a sch who has so much difficulties..i mean as a new student to the sch, you can really feel the sch's zhi4 qiang2 bu4 xi1 jing1 shen2.

but somehow i feel that it's not like stnicks. maybe its because it's an all girls' sch but besides tt, it's just diff. in sn, you feel loved. maybe tts cause i havent even spent enough time in hc, but yea..i thk in this week many of us said many times of how we wished we were back in sn or sn is like this, more like this, more like that.. well, i can only tell myself this tt, i will always be grateful for what sn has done for me, i love sn but now i am in a diff. sch, i guess i have to learn to adapt quickly, be more independant. suddenly when you're in a sch which emphasizes so much on self initiative and independence, i started to appreciate and be so thankful for what the teachers in sn has done. like seriously..

anw, choir in hc has been tough i guess. practice sessions are very hiong i guess. but rather enjoyable when the music starts to slowly surface. something strucked me today at choir. ''we have to be seriously fun'' hmm, what does it mean to be seriously fun.. i guess it's to be serious yet to include the element of fun in everything we do. we make more than just sound, but also music. this inspired me today i guess. but well, not performing up to standard i guess. suddenly after stopping choir prac, my voice just starts to deteriorate. i thk there's smth wrong w my breathing and punching, or i don't breathe enough tts why can't reach high notes. and my range is super small. argh. have the bright tone but can't hit high notes.

so, i am just very thankful for all the new pple i have met, familiar faces whom i've met from primary sch.
i am thankful for the many times where i can blog abt anything i want on this blog and receive encouragement, advice from pple.

well, by doing this i am not shutting myself to the world and the pple arnd me esp. friends who have gone to other schools, but well, i guess if you really want to know what's going on in my life, i'm just a phone call away.

for now, i guess we'll just wait for the blue moon to appear =)
world peace!

(just felt like saying tt, don't know why)

the christmas Eve

2006-12-25T10:21:00.000+08:00

Why not adam?

so as of last night, we finally did our final and last performance. kind of felt a little nervous for maybe the first time on stage while acting. i will miss everyone although it's quite silly to do so since i see them almost every sunday.

church choir sung yesterday again. was quite worried abt it, but in the end i kind of enjoyed myself onstage even though it wasn't a really gd performance i guess. but gd job, uncles and aunties, youths, little kids =)) felt like a clown up there when very few pple were smiling..but the performance was quite enjoyable.

finally spoke to enai last night. we were standing along the sides of the driveway in church, i was ranting and just pouring out my thoughts, she was listening. gave some advice. prayed with me. kind of felt like that little girl in primary 6 again. then we exchanged gifts and hugs. said gdbyes hastily while i rush to meet my caroling group at level 5. as i walked away, i kind of felt a renewed conviction to want to leave everything to god, but yet again i was still rather confused and had all thoughts mixed up.

caroling was great fun. this year's response was much better i thk.. had a few houses to sing to.. then we went to nicodemus's hse. the bake potato and pizza was really great. haha. nevertheless had fun counting down to christmas, smsing well wishes to friends. thanks for all the gifts, cards, wishes. love you all =))

idiot

2006-12-24T16:38:00.000+08:00

well, that's me.
i felt so terrible this morning on christmas eve basically cause i cldn't wake up. slept at 3 wanted to wake up at 5 but i snoozed the alarm til 6 and then switched it off for gd.
when i woke up it was 8.15, only to realise that i made enai wait at the coffeeshop yet another time.zzz, sometimes i just hate myself. thank god hozea was with her and so i manage to feel a little bit better, but still idiotic.
so, i had 18 more cards to chiong from the night before.

finished by now already. but tts not why i am an idiot.
basically i thk i have seriously topsy turvy thking and sometimes when i know tt i shldnt be feeling a certain way, i just feel it. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

and that's why i thk i am idiotic. thank god that he still loves me despite of who i am. can't help but agree with serene on this that god sees pass our imperfections and accepts us for who we are.

christmas in a few more hrs..

christmas is about His glory

2006-12-23T23:56:00.000+08:00

amen to that.
sitting on my swivel chair. listening to classical music.(sort of miss mep days) pondering whether i shld start writing the remaining 30 more cards. haven't bathe, havent even taken out my new monthly contacts, (finally managed to convince my mum since she wants me to start looking for a president scholar bf soon) heh. anyway, i am really tired.. kind of keep saying the same things over and over again =)
anyway, merry christmas to everyone!! take care!

ok, off to do what i suppose to do.

joel said that he had a friend who told him tt christmas is the season where most pple actually feel depress abt. come to thk of it, it's quite true. like, students will start to kind of thk of sch and feel zzzzz. anyway, i thk it's really quite possible for pple to feel depress on christmas. haha, don't know why, but this just came to mind. maybe it's because of what the girls were talking abt tt night. but anw, i was thking like, a girl wld be so depress if her boyfriend were to break up with her on christmas itself. yea, saw pple actually breaking up on prom nights. how dreadful and upsetting huh? and some pple might just feel depress because the year is coming to an end, and maybe they wld just feel so empty and feel as if they have never achieved anything within this year and then feel depress.

well, i guess for me i have started to thk a bit of sch already, stare in disgust at my whole chunk of sec 4 books still left on the shelves, stacked grossly on my table. shudder at the sight of it, yet feeling so lazy toe ven do anything abt them. but i kind of like christmas. that's because it brings pple together. maybe not the bf breaking up with gf part.. but ya, it brings pple together. like everyone gathers at this place, to just talk abt stuff or just grow closer to one another...

oh man, swan lake by tchaikovsky, i thk, just came on. the music is seriously so gd and nice. can almost imagine this princess or someone running through the garden. discovering the beauty arnd her.. then her lover appears or something. haha.. the flute is really gd.

as i was saying, it brings pple together. and the feeling of waarmth is just there. aww, so sweet. but of course i thk the process of it like writing cards and shopping for stuff are a bit tiring. haha, but of course you do it in the end to bless ppl and to encourage them or jsut to say how much you love them for being with you through the year. wasn't planning to do anything but i felt so much like the grinch.. so, in the end i decided to just do it! =)) went last min shopping with abel at j8. surprisingly, we didnt manage to meet alan, christabel and hazel who were at j8 also, and the best part was tt they went themselves also. haha.

christmas, ultimately reminds me of christ of how he came to this world, to save us. god in flesh.

he came to save us
king of kings and lord of lords
his name is jesus
god with us, immanuel has come.
amen.

Angels we have heard on high

2006-12-21T00:00:00.000+08:00

these few days have just been really fun and great working with the entire cast, crew and our lovely director serene =))

performance at bradell cc 18/12: i guess it was kind of our first performance so many things we had to adjust to. although i thk this night's stage was the best (cause it's spacious and really better than the ones at tangs or ps) thk we had quite alot of technical problems and ya.. the rain was.. non stop. but nonetheless gd try everyone, considering tt it was our first performance =))))

performance at PS 19/12: hmm, the rain did kind of made the entire thing a little blah. but nonetheless, it was just so enjoyable to walk around the shopping centre clad in our costumes, singing carols at the entrance to attract pple to go watch the skit. met a few st nicks pple and even miss tan. haha. quite fun =)) i have never enjoyed myself so much.. and to think i was actually feeling a little tired of everything but hey, yesterday at PS was just so so so fun!! haha. i guess despite the rain, god is still very good to us. many pple came down to support. yep, thanks so much pple!

performance at TANGS 20/12: today was yet another great day! haha, thats why i am so happy now, smiling non stop whenever i thk of our performance and cast,crew, director..praise god that he held back the rain today. weather's really lovely, crowd was good. honestly, it was fun.. feel so hyped up now!! went to help Dr Hozzy with the operation today. the staffs are doing well now. reapaired the broken joints using chopsticks and then we wrapped it up with new brown skin!! heh, so happy to even hold the staff feeling more secure tt it wont break during the performance =)))))))))))))))))

last performance tmr at orchard near taka!! yay!! but kind of start to feel a little sad.. cause i thk, cast crew director, we have practically been mtg up for 2 weeks almost every night to rehearse, perform.. like after performances suddenly you start to feel a little empty without having to do anything at night. aww.. haha, will miss this..

as for now, i guess i will have to gather my sheep, take care of my staff and wait to hear from angels again.. =)

sigh, smth's bugging me.

holiday

2006-12-13T16:53:00.000+08:00

right. so a thousand and one things happened again since i last blogged abt my teeth. anyway, they are getting better, now not painful but i am really quite concern abt one bracket on my one of my bottom tooth. seems to be coming out soon. really hope it holds until my next appt. anyway, as i was saying, many things happened. well, there was bay camp which is really reflective and reminding. triggered a lot of new thoughts, new things to think abt for next year. there was prom which was unexpectedly quite excellent for me. i am missing my friends already. hmm photos will be up when i finally meet nat online, receive all photos from her and compile everything. there was holiday to genting-KL which was great, not bad. many things happened along the way like how a small blood vessel burst in my eye due to too much screaming on the roller coaster rides. thrilling holiday. what else? there was kids camp at church, which i didnt do anything at all. felt tt i needed a break. so super tiring. yep, and then, now there's prep work for the musical cum skit at orchard! can't really remember the dates now but yea, i will be perfoming as a shepherd! rehearsals have been great. serene's really good at drama stuff. think she's a great director =)and then, there's also practices for church choir. have to keep reminding myself that all these are for GOD. so, as much as i kind of don't really like church choir pracs, i want to do it la =)

suddenly, there are so many things to think about. tsk. of course i prayed about them. yea, GOD will take care of me. but sometimes i just don't understand certain things like how can one be so.. well, maybe i do it sometimes also but i always make it a point now to do so. esp, after my sch friends reminded me to. well, maybe i am over sensitive as usual but still..and ya, i honestly don't know what's going to happen next year. so much uncertainty. how's school going to be like? how're my results going to be? how and whether i'm going into ministry?

if it's Your will, everything will fall into place.

tightened

2006-11-24T10:02:00.000+08:00

here i go again.. just attached braces for my bottom teeth and my lower teeth are aching non stop. so, i guess it's back to the liquid diet again. boring.. so boring.. please, if anyone has suggestions on nice liquid food, pls tell me like immediately! like, NOW NOW NOW... if not this wld just be my diet for at least 1 week plus. =(((

morning: either, 1) baked beans (which i have to swallow down)
2) campbell soup with soggy bread
3) fake canned sharksfin soup
4) instant mashed potato which comes in 3 different flavours ( i.e cheese, butter and herbs, garlic)
5) cereal (that brand super.. that one tt can be made into a drink?)

lunch and dinner: porridge, porridge, porridge.. ( if its minced meat porridge, i wld have to swallow the minced meat down)

ok, actually, i have quite a lot of things to eat right? ya, so i shldnt complain.. but it's quite boring!!!!! =((( i cant even eat anything else besides the above. i jsut thought of chee chiong fun, maybe i can swallow it down.

haha, that reminds of the zoe tay advertisment.

i swallow...

my food la.. (what were you thinking of man!!)

finally over

2006-11-17T21:54:00.000+08:00

o levels are finally over and i thank god for seeing me through this entire period of time. i think i've learnt a lot this year. honestly, the o levels make you realise a lot of things, and sec 4, is a really eventful year.

so anyway, i want to thank all who have been there for me and have been so encouraging.. family, friends, church friends, teachers, vice principal...

yup, that sums it all i guess. well, for now,i am probably either going to watch miss swan all day, or.. try to play dota cause if i beat my brother in it, he's going to kill himself, or, watch gong!!! or go out..

so much to do..

The 16th

2006-10-07T23:11:00.000+08:00

These 2 days have been really a blast for me.
6th october was really great. clique celebrated my birthday. it was really amusing from how i was just about to play ping pong with amelia when darkness enveloped!!! only to realise after 1 sec tt ching blindfolded me. so i walked really slowly and retardedly to the forum (found that out later) and lo and behold, clique was sitting there looking so adorable and sweet with cupcakes that had the words happy birthday cherie! and a picture of a cute cactus!!! and then we ahd a nice picnic in a really serene environment. then later they gave me cards and even sent me smses later in the night. love them really!

7th oct was amusing and really touching i guess. the day started with how i got a call from aiwei to find out my unti no. aiwei was suppose to come practise duet with me. anw, found out later that she was helping the natgenching find out my address. so, natgenching according to my mum (i found out later) was standing outside my postbox giggling and deciding whether to stuff a bunch of hearts in my mailbox. yep, they left the 118 hearts outside my doorstep later. so sweet right? they spent time cutting the hearts by the lily pond and risked getting bitten by anopheles! the hearts really blew me away!!

the end i thought.

but no! haha, went for mid autumn fest at hwachong at night. hanged arnd with andrea and later siyun and zhiyun came to entertain us. yea, the council at hc really impressed me a lot. yep, from how they build the entire lighting thing and the fountain! its really very good to be able to organise such a large scale event. then after the lighting of the lanterns and all, siyun started acting weirdly and i thought she got a call from her friend.. then she dragged me to some remote corner and suddenly three familiar looking faces appeared together with a cactus shaped lantern that val made and a huge spongebob balloon that apparently looked like me and also a half melted cake which tasted fabulous! i was so so shocked cause i didnt know the threesome natgenching wld surprise me and come all the way down to hwachong just to celebrate my birthday? i thought the hearts were all.. but.. i was wrong =))we attempted to carry lighted lanterns but they were blown out by wind i guess. although nat left later, genching and i walked to icecream parlour to eat.haha, sang at the top of their voices they did. from yue liang dai biao wo di xin to yelaixiang.. but in the end ice cream parlour no space, so we tried macs which was next to it, also no space. so we shuttled at least twice up and down the walkway, which attracted a lot of attention i thk, considering that spongebob was bobbing up and down. haha, then we walked to the nearest busstop. and ching got scared because it was so remote and quiet. no 156. so... cabbed down to j8 for haagendazs. after haagendazs then we went home. really enjoyable day.

well, thanks for making my day and my 16th so memorable.
1)choir clique, who were so sweet, who threw a picnic party and wrote me adorable cards
2)threesome natgenching, genchingnat, and chingnatgen..etc. (to find the answer use 3!) who gave me the hearts, came all the way to hc to sing happy birthday, with their presents and a cake!
3)val who wrote a note and made the cactus lantern which is so super nice and cute!!
4) siyun who gave me another burnt cd, 2 slices of cake (yumyum), a letter which nearly made me tear, a small card which added to my collection of pocket cards in my wallet, an orange candle.. brought me arnd hwachong and assured me a little..
5)andrea who really made me feel better the moment i stepped into hc, who acted as accomplice to the threesome's plan
6)aiwei, who wrote me a nice poem and gave me chocolate
7)eugenia and janice who gave my royce dark chocolate!
8) all who smsed to wish me happy birthday : ching, gen,lix,mong, mich, nat, janice,eugenia, sarah, racheltan,theodora, audrey,winnie, stephie, melissa ng, karina,andrea, val, giokqin,ruth,marietta, siyun, jeanette,moses,abel. etc. (sorry if i forgot to mention your name, but thanks a lot ok?)
9) my parents and grandmother who gave me money money, and cheryl who bought me a tub of haagendazs rum and rasin.
10) GOD who allowed all things to happen.

spongebob is still bobbing here and there making all sorts of fidgety noises.. sighs, kids..

yet another blessing

2006-09-23T20:20:00.000+08:00

this is really incredible.
just shared about how i thought my g8 practical is going to turn out in my last entry a month ago.
and, i just received my results today! it's really incredibly unexpected and i was really just looking for a passing grade.
but really, this was how the results came to me..

dad: you got your piano results. sorry, you failed..
cherie: (face changed straightaway) huh.. really?
dad: haha! you got distinction!
cherie: HAHAHHA! ARE YOU SERIOUS?

Yep, following that was how i took the result slip, laughed a whole lot, wowed at how much god has blessed me? i haven't got a distinction since g2 practical? most of the time my playings were merits bnut distinction for grade 8 is seriously unbelievable for pple like me to achieve. pple like nat, distinction, high distinction for diploma also i will believe, but distinction for grade 8 practical for how i played tt day was really... wow?

of course i am not claiming credit or saying tt i am very good.. because i can't believe that i even scored tt mark, but haha, all credit goes to my father in heaven. seriously.. haha. and the examiner was a lady! tt made things a bit more difficult because i thk lady examiners are usually a tad stricter.. but, haha, i love god! he has really given me and blessed me more than i ever wanted.

well, this just goes to show how marvellous god can be.. well, just want to encourage everyone out there who reads this, that it is not impossible to achieve anything you want in life. you just have to ask, have faith that it will happen and receive. iw as reminded again something that mel ng wrote for me quite long ago, that god always answers, its always either yes, no or wait. and even if he says no, its for the best. so, pple taking exams, just trust that he will deliver. well, prelims havent been exactly what i thk i shld achieve ideally, but i thk i really want to trust that he has great plans for me. two more papers to go, and i will be done with prelims. getting results next wk.. thk i am feeling kind of nervous abt them but well, i guess i've just got to believe that even if every door closes on me, god will make a way. amen?

hang in there, if you're struggling right now, because the deliverer is coming.

prelims

2006-08-25T00:43:00.000+08:00

starts next week

wed 30/8 : english paper 1 and 2

thurs 31/8: MEP

mon 11/9: higher chinese paper 1
Amaths paper 1

tues 12/9: elect. history

wed 13/9: chemistry paper 1 and 2

thurs 14/9: elect.lit

friday 15/9: higher chinese paper 2
Amaths paper 2

tues 19/9: biology paper1 and 2

wed 20/9: chemistry practical

thurs 21/9: emaths paper 2
social studies

mon 25/9:biology practical

tuesday 26/9: emaths paper 1

well, in between september holidays i am going to seriously mug hard. no more day dreaming or sleeping! i want to really do well this round. praying hard for god's favour to be with me. i believe that he will deliver me. he did, many times, and this one will be no exception. i will be discipline and take every min of my sept. holidays very seriously.

so what's been happening this week?

1) english o lvl oral: wasn't as good as prelims for me i think. fumbled quite a lot while trying to express my ideas and put across a point.

2) grade 8 piano exam: hmm... not gd at all. i am choosing to believe that god will deliver his miracle. i know he will if it's what's best for me.

3) thought abt it more: i just feel worse abt you day by day. actually, the world is selfish, it is always I,I and I. I admit i can be selfish at times too. but yes, i just have to keep telling myself that when no one listens, jesus is there, when no one seem to even care, jesus is there. my mum keeps telling me to look at jesus and focus on him at every circumstance and everything will be alright.

4) and she screamed at me today and i was seriously shocked, i didnt know i was speaking so loudly. anyway, go ahead, mark me down all you pple want, discuss all you want. i had enough of your discouraging comments and... i got nothing else to say. i just want a breakthrough in my studies so that you all will see a different person....

perhaps i wont be blogging til the end of next month? hmm, til then. by right now, PRELIMS! and i really need to study.

dear father, i just pray that you'll guide me through this entire month of preliminary examinations. jesus, i just want to commit everything into your hands right now even as i prepare for prelims. i pray i will have discipline to stick with my timetable, and that you'll grant me mental strngth to stay alert from now onwards to be able to make full use of my every minute. lord, you know that i have a weakness in dreaming and dozing off everytime i study, and you know how much i hate studying especially for maths and science subjects, i ask that you'll take all these away from me, that you'll remove all these mindsets away from me. help me to love studying, help me to love it so much because every minute studying is spent with you guiding me through. nat said that maybe i should have someone sit beside me everyday when i am studying to make sure i am concentrating and that i am paying attention. god, please sit beside me whenever i am studying, and help me to concentrate on it every minute. lastly, god, i know you know me best, and that you know how much it means to me to really ace this exam. i want to ask for favour from you lord. i know that everything i set my mind to do will be blessed by you. help me have faith and believe that i will be able to do it. because it is not by my strength but by yours. jesus, help me to cease striving with my own strength and to just be still and know that you are god. you said, " come to me, all who are weary, and i will give you rest." i ask that whenever i feel tired and feel like giving up, you will always remind me that it will be ok because i have you backing me up. thank you god. thank you for blessing me so much. in jesus's most holy and precious name, AMEN!

bring it on. prelims, o levels? bring it on.
"be strong and courageous for i am with you wherever you go"

just look at jesus, cherie, look at him.

bye

2006-08-12T22:47:00.000+08:00

choir farewell 2006 was really great. yep, comm.06/07, you all did a very very gd job! honestly, it was very enjoyable and memorable. the theme of reality tv was not that bad after all, quite easy to dress la.

the video was great. really.it was really a very heartwarming video. and she made me cry again. once when she screamed at me over the phone, and now when she said her heartfelt words. aww.. and who's idea was it to put all my photos ah? somemore got photos of me sleeping? retarded.. haha

let's see, i had fun being super hyper the entire day. laugh like crazy during the project runway game. gen you rock man! you can consider wearing the polka dotted bikini you designed for prom. hot hot hot!! hahah. and enjoyed running around the sch doing all sorts of activities for choir race! it was so fun! it was fun trying to be lame all the time with my ''i c" remarks. haha.. group C, made my gaming time in farewell really enjoyable. yea.

then i enjoyed dressing up, making passports with ching and mong! we are the amazing race three. two contestants and mong, our tour guide. yep, enjoyed laughing at the survivor twosome lix and mich who apparently thinks pple in survivor would wear tribal earrings and the project runway designers who look so totally designers. yep, ashna and gen rocks man.

then i love the moments where the sec4s sat in a circle to practise our item. yea. i love you sec4s, i think we really bonded. yep, everytime when we are sitting in such circles, i thk of czech, of everything tt we went through. and ya. when i was singing the part:

and we will sing,
our last farewell,
a final song
as grey badgers, together
choir, wherever we may be, we believe
you will always be a part of me

my goosebumps just all start appearing and i just feel like tearing. but i really cherish those moments. wished i cld replay everything. sighs, quite sad tt its only this yr then we started bonding so much as a level..

dinner was cool, got to sit down on the floor at nice tables in survivor scenario style.. really very cool. decor for the tables settings and everything was really well thought of and ya, very gd job. the banner tt you pple took 2 days to paint is really nice and stylish i must say. the item tt you pple put up was fantastic, entertaining. well, don't feel disappointed over the dance ok? i know you all worked really hard at it. i am sure we wld love it if we got to see it. whether you all did the dance or not, we still know tt you all worked hard and we still love you!! cheer up ok pple? and you, i know its tough but really try to find a motivation to come down for choir ok? i will miss nagging at you and all, i know that you're trying and struggling with a lot of issues, but stay strong ok? do me proud, i know you will =))

and lastly, thanks everyone who wrote notes to me and gave me really nice and pretty presents. yup, thanks for being so sweet. i love you pple!

you all must work hard and get that gold with honours ok? we believe you pple can do it. comm., thanks for everything. i know you pple worked very hard for farewell. thank you so much!! you guys must have more confidence in yourself ok? we believe that you all can lead the choir to the gold w. honours. ya? we believe you pple can do it. give the teachers some time to trust you all and adapt to you all ok? i am sure at the end of the yr, they will see you pple as great leaders. yup, so during this yr, although it wld be stressful for all of you pple in choir, just know that the results at the end of the day would really be fruitful as long as you guys work hard. YOU ALL MUST WORK HARD OK? BRING THAT GOLD W HONOURS TO STNICKS CHOIR OK? i love you guys!

well, choir farewell always signals one thing. that exams are coming. prelims in 20 something days. prelim pract. for mep is on monday. english oral is on 22 aug. 23rd aug, abrsm grade 8 piano pract.

thought alot abt things during tuition today. sighs. hmm, i guess when i am in reflective mode, it's really easy to tell just by looking at my face and maybe i have an aura of ''bothered-ness'' around me. sorry i was so temperamental. one moment cheerful, another tired and sian diao. take care and get well soon! ya, i thought abt how i can't even do the simplest things and it's not because of maths or anything but the accumulation of everything that has been going on.

so, here's a brief summary of what's been going on since i last blogged:
1) national day was very very very fun although helping out w the fancy dress competitipon was quite tough.
enjoyed singing our hearts out as a sec 4 level. and mrs goh esp has been really motivating and inspiring. took photos w class and form teacher.

2) piano has been very ____________ lessons. well, after grade 8, i will seriously break free from it. COME ON!!

3) school has been very ___. yea, script by script that comes in..

4) interviews had evoked mixed feelings in me. all i can say is, my heart really goes out to you. i feel that sometimes i am going through whatever you are going through. and i know you'll never ever be reading my blog, but i just want to encourage you to really control yourself. sit down, stay calm and reset your mindset and think carefully, slowly,calmly, what you really want and what matters to you in life. maybe then you wont feel so lost. well, i have found someone like me, a thinker. someone who thinks alot and gets lost within yourself and your mind. its not a gd thing neither is it bad. thinking makes me more analytical in a sense when i really use my brain to figure things out. take care alright you!

5)i stayed till 2 that day studying. miracle..

6)relationships have been very strained i suppose. well, it shldnt be this way. but every time i try to forget, something else happens to make me so exasperated that everything in my mind just comes back to haunt me. i don't really feel the need to do anything abt it anymore. that signals tt there's something wrong with me. i shldn't be feeling this way. i shld be feeling as though i need to do something abt it. other relationships have been very 'err-ok'.

why do people move on so easily? when can i move on too, to be independant and stop being who i am right now. sighs,whether i even mix with you all or talk to you pple doesn't make a difference to me. i feel like a historic figure. have been feeling like one for a very long time. and each week that passes seem as though i don't make an impact in anyone's life at all. i don't feel as though i need to because i feel as though i existed in the past. and the past has gone.

what happen to my goal of being inspiring and motivating and wanting to make a difference? well, sounds cliched and whatever one would say to impress. but i really mean it, i want to make a difference i really do. i know what i want. i want to make a difference that's why my ambition when i grown up is to become a teacher. don't laugh cause i am serious abt it. and the sole reason is to be able to work with teenagers, to really interact with them, help them understand not only in academic areas but other walks of life. i want to inspire people.

sigh. when will everything just want o levels to be over. maybe then everyone will stop being so moody and cranky. and everything will be solved naturally.

happy early birthday lix! i enjoyed the bbq party today. thanks for inviting me. ching, thanks for sending me home and accompanying me at the party. jean, thanks for telling me abt xiao ming and xiao hong.. i thk maybe i shld try roaming the streets one day like the pedestrian (lit passage based character) or even like xiao ming in search for life answers.

I <3 SNAKES!

2006-07-26T16:47:00.000+08:00

ok, jsut had prelim english oral. and the convo topic was quite retarded. hehe.
mrs sng: " so, what do you thk abt snakes?"

immediate response in my brain: oh man, gen and i were just talking abt it like yesterday on our way home! haha! hilarious..

what a topic!

anw, i was feeling =l ins ch today before p.e. partly because i had to play softball and run in the worse situation i was in ever. eew.. and yea, i just felt sad..

quote of the day:
shh.. envy kills the cat, destroys the dog, breaks the heart and brings me further away from you, and i shld have seen it coming.
yup, check out www.quoteoftheday.com

(ok, please dont try to go into that website. i just talked crap) just like i tricked nat that weixiang died for the 9pm chinese drama and got her so upset that she had to chase me everywhere to whack me before assembly. and how i tricked her that SPA for sec3s is an enrichment prog. where they go to the swimming complex to have spa.. hahah.. no la.. spa btw is smthg like o levels science prac. just that it's in sec3 tts all..hilarious.. so, sec3s, rmb to bring your swimsuit on your spa days ok? look pretty and sexy, maybe the teachers will give you more marks! dont be like me who forgot to bring my blouse and tie for oral today.
TGFD: thank god for daddies! haha, thank god my father brought my blouse and tie to sch willingly, i suppose..

yes, pe. was quite fun! considering i felt better and happier after that. haha, i hit a ball that flew ok!! and thats amazing cause usually i hit balls that bounce on the field instead of flying! and everyone got to run back to home base!! yay!!! but i thk i felt happier after english!

english lessons remind me of a lorna whiston class where you ahve a caucasian teacher who teaches really interestingly. just that we have an australian teacher, mr nahn is so hilarious. we play games that aids in our english during lessons ok? play games, guess riddles, and lessons are just hilarious when he starts reading and adds in sound effects here and there. i thk hearing our funny compositions that we read in class really gets us laughing! hahah!

this is my favourite sentence! "my grandmother was a beauty. she haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaddddddd an oval face." hahah, gen is so going to kill me when she sees this. haha, well it seems that the word had has to be pronounced in a longer sound. so you dont just chop it off as 'had' but rather elongate it to 'haaaaad' =)) we are all going to read in a british accent very soon.
oh how delectable!

ok, off to study math and ss now. i am so slack... cant stand it.. byebye.
i love snakes because they are so adorable..
sssssssssssssssigning off!

at the cross

2006-07-20T18:45:00.000+08:00

now i know what it means that it is all finished and done at the cross.
when jesus died,everything is done.
i just have to ask, believe and wait.
now i know what it means by not by my strength but by HIS.
when god's favour is with you, no matter how crapped up you are, you end up smelling like an ester ( ask chem students) which is so totally the opposite of crap.. sighs..

i will always remember this, never forget this chapter of my life which lasted for a few months. the DSA period i am referring to. ya, i will always remember how my heart was throbbing when miss lim called, how i rushed down and felt so breathless when i got there. how i cldnt sing the best focus sound that i cld, how i got so exasperated at answering the interview qns, how i waited for endless weeks to pass and still no call YET, and how i finally received a call at the track and field meet, how i cldnt hear the person properly, how i thought i heard there was an interview today, how i felt restless for the entire night and this morning to afternoon, how i met andrea and realised that i was in xueli's position, how i still thought there was and interview... until i received the letter...

i realise that everything was god, everything was his plan, everything that happened, happened because he planned it.. like i wasnt even planning to go for the auditions but i went in the end. this isnt by chance but it's god's miracle..

when i was giving up hope at times, something amazing happens the next minute..
praise god man! hallelujah!

i think through this, i really learnt to lean on god. it was never like before. i thk i won't ever bring myself to doubt him anymore and i will try even harder now to have faith and believe...

thank you mummy for always encouraging me, praying for me, sending smses that really comforted me, that i too, meditate on them, brought myself to keep on telling myself to believe...

thanks friends, nat, gen, chingx, siyun and everyone else who kept on reassuring me like mad..thanks for being so supportive and encouraging! chingx, i will see you next year ah! jiayou ok? and i'll see you next yr!!! nat and gen and chingx, we'll be the half half clique manx! siyun, hahahhahahahahahhahahahahhaha.. i will get to see.... hahahhah =)) can't wait!

thanks be to god! forever and ever!

sighs, to think that i doubted him because of chinese o's, to think i was angry w him when i had no right to... anw, i shld not look back, i am going to look forward and thank him for the every single goodness he has bestowed me with.. now i am even more convince that he was behind all these.

just like mum said, i just had to go, sit and drink coffee and get it =))

JESUS, YOU BLESSED ME WITH A WONDERFUL JC AND I THANK YOU AND GIVE YOU ALL THE GLORY AND HONOUR!
I WILL PROCLAIM THAT IT IS NOT ME BUT YOU WHO IS BEHIND ALL THESE AND I'LL SING OF YOUR LOVE FOREVER!
AMEN! TO GOD BE THE GLORY!

i thank you and praise you oh, god, not only at 12 every afternoon, but always! hallelujah!

congratulations and jubilations =))

2006-07-11T16:54:00.000+08:00

congratulations NAT and GEN!
looks like the both of you have each other for company!!
and yep, congratsssssss.. haha, i feel so happy for you all!

gen, have fun watching tbs all day long ok? don't worry i'll all the more be happy to listen to your stories and your observation of his every single move! haha, he's a rat =)) eh! you better steal pamugun and suriram scores for me i tell you, maybe in return i will give you either el hambo scores or.... hopefully bin nam na scores!!!! haha, i would prefer to be able to trade bin nam na scores though..

ohman... CONGRATS the both of you, silly women!!!! and gen, looks like you'll get to meet amanda!! and nat! now you don't need to worry abt him, because gen will be there to shield and protect you, to run away and hide with you along corridors or behind the library shelves!! have fun man toots!!!!

quick quick call me call me, i want my 2nd call!!!!
well, i can only keep telling myself that everything happens IN HIS TIME!!!! and that "patience is a virtue", i'll be virtuous and practice virtuousity by waiting! =)))

IN HIS TIME, IN HIS TIME
HE MAKES ALL THINGS BEAUTIFUL
IN HIS TIME!!
LORD PLEASE SHOW ME EVERYDAY
AS YOU'RE TEACHING ME YOUR WAY
THAT I'LL DO JUST WHAT YOU SAY
IN HIS TIME!

i realise that for every single thing, there's really seriously a verse in the bible and a song to always comfort, reassure and make me happy.. hmm, how marvellous and amazing isnt it? =))))))

step down

2006-07-06T21:36:00.000+08:00

today, i finally announced my dearest successor..
serene seow, you can do it and you are the president of choir..come on, repeat after me!
haha, i love my successor.
somehow i didnt cry but there were many occassions where i felt like just tearing..
anyway, i trust tt the choir is in very good hands and so, choir, pls trust the excomm's judgement ok?
sighs, i jsut realise tt as of a few hrs ago, i entrusted all my responsibilities to serene, and somehow it feels like a burden off my shoulders. but i feel so uneasy and sad tt now, every tues and thurs is just extended lessons after sch and more studying at home after sch. of course the sch hasnt announced a total step down for all sec4s, so we still have to be at choir on thursdays, yea, not a bad thing, 2 more weeks or so only, and really want to watch the new comm. step up to take charge.. =)))) still rmb how unsure i was of myself, the first practice i stood there..that was 1 yr ago.. =(
anyway, i know my wonderful comm.07 can do it.

sn choir is going to get GWH next yr. yes we will!

anw, i got my first heart attack today when i got the 1st call. yes. i was so happy and in a sense relieved tt i know i got it. feeling quite contented actually, nothing beats being in the choir of a wonderful conductor. but of course i am praying that i receive my 2nd call soon, next week perhaps? yea, still praying really hard. but this taught me a very gd lesson and i really want to say that it's not by my strength but of divine intervention. GOD has been so great. and really, somehow everything just unfolds and comes out all well. =)) PRAISE GOD, HALLELUJAH! i pray that miracle no. 2 will happen. and i realise tt if i believe, pray, and if it's the will of GOD, i will receive =))

GOD IS GOOD, TERNER NER NER NER NER NER
HE IS SO GOOD, TERNER NER NER NER NER NER
GOD IS GOOD, TERNER NER NER NER NER NER
HE IS SO GOOD, TERNER NER NER NER NER NER
SO GOOD, TER TER
SO GOOD, TER TER
GOD IS GOOD........TER TER TER TER.... ( TRUMPET BLOWS AWAY)

CALL ME, SO I CAN SING THIS SONG TO YOU MAN.. ANW, ITS THE TUNE OF THE BURGER KING ADVERT. SONG. =))))

1st july

2006-07-01T23:23:00.000+08:00

5 next wk but i spent my entire day in sch ushering inquisitive parents and kids arnd the sch compund, tell them more abt sn, marketted e sch. lost count of how many times my throat cracked. then came home for tuition on relative velocity which made me feel like the stupidest person alive. =) that probably summed up my day pretty much.

anw, i think the cca showcase reminded me of alot of things that happened a year back. many gd things. seriously, i agree with you, i thk leadership makes you think and reflect so much, your strengths, weaknesses. i must say tt i am glad i manage to pull through of course not by my strength but by the will of God. but one thing that made me regret alot is the action of smiling at one, along the corridors,trying to strike a conversation but in the end, an irritated look of disgust just stares right back, in your face. and sometimes i wonder if it is you had a bad day, got up from the wrong side of bed, got scolded by your parents? tt is what i regret. i regret not being able be that ideal person, that somehow even if i smiled so much, did so many things, i still failed to be that miss nice girl that you would expect me to be. many say that she is the bad guy while i am always the gd one.. but in this case i thk no matter how much you thk of me as not the bad person, i still end up as one. miss low, i think you inspire me a lot with tt sentence, thanks for sharing it.

one of the many things tt came to my mind was again how i took many people for granted. i took A for granted and its so weird now because communication seems to be at such a far distance from each other, both literally and figuratively. i took J for granted. i got irritated constantly and even expressed my irritation or exasperation although J was very nice to me, did everything, worried abt everything for me, shared my burden in everything. like wth was i thinking when i got cross for nothing. and now, the thought of not working with J anymore makes me feel upset. although i don't show it, i thk J helped me survive through that 3 hrs, 2 times each wk. i took ML for granted and i didnt even appreciate the last 10 mins of echo that rang so loudly in the chapel, those hands that conducted beautiful strokes, and i realise how much i owe her if i do get what i want for the next year. i took Ps for granted. i took D for granted. i assumed you would do everything and anything and i was mean at times.

so in short, this day reminded me to start appreciating what pple do for me.

meanwhile, i realise i am into the 1st week of july already. looking really forward to the 2nd week. GOD will see me through. and i am still praying for a miracle. for he spare not his own son for me, what else would he hold back from me, what blessings would he not shower me with? God, i thank you for everything, you know in me right now my deepest desires and god i pray you'll grant me the place, that when i get it, i will shout your praises and fall at your feet, look into your face and know that you are indeed a father who gives and loves. =) amen.

si tu crois-

the end, almost..

2006-06-28T15:39:00.000+08:00

so, yesterday was the end.
almost the end actually..i can't wait for it to be over yet at the same time sad tt it is all too soon.
well, it ended of in a tremendous shock when the emcees went on to announce for the grand finale. simply not a climatic end of my performing days in stnicks, but rather a cliffhanger.

people who screamed their lungs out for an encore, thanks so much for your sheer boldness but i'm sorry to disappoint you all. but still really thank you for the flowers :)
-blankness-
anyway,my dearest choir, i am very proud of every single one of you pple and i love every single one of you. seriously, we don't need to sing that song to show how good we are. we are good. and we know it. but, this is not the cue for us to grow complacent alright? i know that you pple can do it without the sec4s on the 1st july. we are a triple GOLD choir. rmb that, rmb that we've got the potential to do so many great things yes? so i ask that you all forget about the embarrassment, humiliation or anything that happened. we acted very well on stage and pulled it off...it was difficult leading you all this year, a trying attempt, i must say. sometimes i feel like i'm saying the wrong things, doing the wrong things.. but i thk you pple inspire me. that's all i can say pretty much. so, mei nu men, please don't cry if you were sobbing your hearts out last night ohhhhhkay?

and to you, i know you wont be reading this, but i just want to say that we treasure you as much as we treasure her, ok maybe honestly, we don't, but it's only because we love her too much because of the many things she did for us, how long a way she came with us and how much closer she is to us. but we appreciate how you've been trying to open up, and guide us but we don't need you to follow her or be her substitute and neither are we treating you as her substitute. i feel that maybe i shld have kept you more informed about us but i really ask tt you'll forgive st nicks for not accepting you enough. i know that you feel as though you have to follow her and tt we want you to follow the way she does it and i know you are trying to do your best to follow, but i just want to say tt you need not have to. so yesterday, was seriously smthg tt made you upset but i ask tt you will forgive.

well, sch has been rather tiring lately. no idea why, perhaps haven't got into the momentum of waking at 5.45am each day. anyway, the same old classroom topics are sseriously outdated and we shldnt be talking abt it anymore but then again these are what you call sec 4 talk and it can't be replaced huh? perhaps it can be replace with...

1) i am definitely going to be accepted into this JC and i will be accepted because i believed tt i will receive in whatever i prayed for.... matt21:22, my favourite verse tt i recite almost every minute whenever i pause to daydream abt IT

2) if my GOD is for me, then who can be against me? so i shan't be afraid of IT

3) i am so anxious and everyday i stay by the phone and my handphone that when every msg or call that comes through might be from THEM.. but romans 8:32 reminds me of something

seriously, hopefully we can all be encouraged by something tt will assure us.
for me, it's the simple but yet powerful symbol- the cross.

last but not least, welcome back da jie :)

i envy you

2006-06-14T17:24:00.000+08:00

Envy is when you feel like asking your head voice to shutup and stop bugging you abt some event that happened to someone else and wishing that you were in that person's place.

James 3:16 (New International Version)
16For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice.

James 3:14 (New International Version)
14But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth.

1 Peter 2
1Therefore, rid yourselves of all malice and all deceit, hypocrisy, envy, and slander of every kind.

i know it isn't right but i can't help it..
anyway, out of all sincerity and everything, congratualations NAT, you got what you wanted and i am happy for you. <3

been there, sung that

2006-06-13T21:21:00.000+08:00

i love my choir.
94 pts, GOLD
94 pts, GOLD!
sn choir's got double GOLDS for both categories and we topped both the sacred and under 16 category!

i thk i loved everything abt czech.
the beautiful sceneries.
the choir practices at flora hotel level 10.
miss lim and how funny she was.
the competition.
the people.
the shopping.
the partying.
our lovely tourguides.

just everything.
my job is half done and i feel accomplished yet sad.
but still, i can't wait for all to be over.
=)

czech republic

2006-06-05T21:57:00.000+08:00

ok, so i will be flying in about 25 hrs time to frankfurt first then, transit to czech republic.
i thk its going to be great fun after all it's the first time sn choir's travelling there for a choral competition.
shld be cool.
GAT AND AAT tmr. i don't know how i'm gonna do it but i want to believe that with GOD'S power, i can, ya, somehow i will.so if it's HIS will, i will get through.

so, GOD, i pray for journey mercies for the choir, anderson choir (who has already left for czech) and miss lim, that you'll ensure our safety upon reaching our destination. GOD, i also pray that you'll be with all of my friends, eugenia, nat.. and whoever else and me, when we sit for the GAT AND AAT tmr. GOD, i pray that if it's by your will, we'll do well tmr and will be accepted. i pray that you'll grant me strength for the long day ahead tmr. i pray that you'll help me to stay calm and not be nervous or anything during the test.

in jesus's name, i pray,
amen.

bye everyone see you on the 13th perhaps.

concert, post concert, comparison, DSA CUM JC TALK

2006-05-20T12:53:00.000+08:00

stressful and memorable.
happiness cldnt last the 10 mins.
breaks my heart.
stirs me up.

mum

2006-05-13T14:05:00.000+08:00

happy mother's day mummy!

my rally experience

2006-05-05T22:51:00.000+08:00

yep, so i went for a rally during this election.

5/5/06
eve of polling day
rally for workers' party (opposition)
aljunied grc
serangoon stadium

the turnout was HUGE. seriously. like as though its national day or something. the moment my dad drove into serangoon ave 3.. could already see pple pouring in like mad.ya, the crowds never stop going in. could see as i was standing outside waiting for my friends to turn up. when the people outside heard the crowds in the stadium cheering, they immediately started running into the stadium. some people just ran up the small slopes while others just rushed. yea, it was like serangoon turned into orchard road or smthg. road was jammed up.. sidewalks were also jammed with people. people in the stadium were standing or sitting everywhere.. on the track.. even along the roadsides because the stadium was full. placards were everywhere.. "we love the WP", 'THANK YOU WP FOR GIVING US A CHOICE' even "we love sylvia".. haha.. hilarious huh?

hmm, i think it's a great eye opener for me. well, i might agree with some of the things that they mention, i may not agree with some of their policies either. but it's really an experience, not to mention that some of the speakers were really good. some really emotional, dynamic, humourous. yup, but there were times when it got really boring esp. when the speakers start speaking in chinese, not to mention teochew, hokkien.. etc.( which i don't really understand. so when people cheered, i just went.. hurr -.- ) haha, people were really supportive there.. it's as though some revolution was going on. yea, every five minutes pple cheered and waved the wp flags which they sold at a dollar. "workers' party! workers' party!" it was like some chant that never died out.

i enjoyed myself throughly though with the pple who accompanied me. ching, gen, sohteng and nat. yes, at the end of it, sohteng aspired to become a WP mp in future.. haha.. anw, i was hoping we met some pple out of the ten thousands who were there. and we did. so here's who we met while walking out. louisa with her dad, mozzy and charity friends, hannah and her family. yea, cool huh? small world.. everyone's interested in what the opposition has to say anyway.

well, but the walking out was terrible. pple were jamming the entrances. and we seriously have to waddle our way through like penguins. =)

we had supper at macs. and then left shortly cause it was 10 or 10 plus..still cant believe that so many pple turned up. the tense atmosphere was there.. people cheered.. it was just, cool.

exactly

2006-04-28T21:25:00.000+08:00

I Miss You Lyrics
by Blink 182

Hello there, the angel from my nightmare
The shadow in the background of the morgue
The unsuspecting victim of darkness in the valley
We can live like Jack and Sally if we want
Where you can always find me
We'll have Halloween on Christmas
And in the night we'll wish this never ends
We'll wish this never ends

Don't waste your time on me you're already
The voice inside my head (I miss you miss you)
Don't waste your time on me you're already
The voice inside my head (I miss you miss you)

Where are you and I'm so sorry
I cannot sleep I cannot dream tonight
I need somebody and always
This sick strange darkness
Comes creeping on so haunting every time
And as I stared I counted
Webs from all the spiders
Catching things and eating their insides
Like indecision to call you
and hear your voice of treason
Will you come home and stop this pain tonight
Stop this pain tonight

Don't waste your time on me you're already
The voice inside my head (miss you miss you)
Don't waste your time on me you're already
The voice inside my head (miss you miss you)

sports day's today. had fun doing ushering, serving food. thank goodness the weather wasnt hot, i wld have fainted in my invest. u. well a few things i learnt today.

1) GOD is gd
2) the sky at 7.15pm was very nice
3) the teachers and mrs goh are very very hilarious people
4) the malaysian cheer leaders are really very very nice people
5) lozenges that doctors give numbs your throat like mad
6) flu is when you start feeling that you will become a nose surgeon when you grow up
7) H5n1 is bird flu
8) court shoes hurt your feet no matter what brand you wear
9) disappointment and happiness both bring tears
10) i am still thinking abt you.

the way we were

2006-04-24T19:35:00.000+08:00

there's a lot of gd memories of the past that recently came to my mind.
about the times of how i would call u, affectionately,
"eh!'
and u would always respond to my cries.
about the times of how i would utter some random comment
"i want to kick ur dog"
and u would always laugh and think i'm funny.

there's a lot of gd memories of the past that recently came to my mind.
about the times of how i would call yoo in the middle of the night
"hey, are yoo free to talk?"
and you would be washing yoor contact lenses
"eh, i call you back later."
and how i would fall asleep by the time yoo call me back.

there's a lot of gd memories of the past that recently came to my mind.
about the times of how i would go to you with my troubles
"please give me some advice"
and you would always say "pray dear, pray"
about the times of how i would share my joys with you
"i feel so blessed!" or "GOD has been gd!"
and you would reply, "amen!'

i thk i've grown.
grown to be less dependent,
grown stronger, yet weaker in a way.
grown to be more quiet yet still noisy
grown to be like turtles who swallow their tears yet, flood my little diaries whenever i start pouring my thoughts into it (according to joyluckclub)
grown eversince you 'left', left.

i miss u
i miss yoo
i miss you
<3

other than this, i've got nothing else to say.

the good friday

2006-04-15T23:45:00.000+08:00

crimson red
poured out
sometimes i wonder why
he did this for me

But somehow i thk i am so unworthy of his sacrifice.

but today's easter sunday!
christ has ressurected.

but i'm sure there's a day where he's going to come again.

i pray god will bless you my friend. i'm going to miss you =)

keys and keyholes

2006-04-10T13:24:00.000+08:00

i thk keys and keyholes remind me of something.
there are all different kinds of keys. comes in all types of shapes and sizes.
reminds me of how we have to search for the right key to insert into the keyhole, then only the door will open.

wrong key will not be able to fit into the hole, then the door wont be able to open.

terrible.

i agree with you

2006-04-08T22:48:00.000+08:00

read someone's blog yesterday.
and i suppose after today, i guess, all i can say is,
i agree with you.
yep. i don't know, sometimes it's just hard to do the things that you haven't done in years,
and certain things just make you ponder and think but yet they don't matter anymore.

cherie's melodies

2006-04-06T21:47:00.000+08:00

the world's a judgemental place,
it said " you failed to live to reputation."
fallen, falling, being used to it,
great stress, stress that gets on one's nerves.

there's no WHYs that can be explained
there's no WHYs that can be answered
there's no WHYs, there's no WHYs
day by day, we just live our lives

we slp, cry and swallow it down
slp, cry and swallow it down
just slp, cry and swallow it down

our lives have ups and downs
they fall, but take long years to turn around
successes that lack recognition, our
faults seem to draw so much attention

there's no WHYs that can be explained
there's no WHYs that can be answered
there's no WHYs, there's no WHYs
day by day, we just live our lives

we slp, cry and swallow it down
slp, cry and swallow it down
just slp, cry and swallow it down

there's nowhere else to go
there's no one else to turn to
just sleep
just cry ( let everything go)
just sleep
just cry
swallow it down...

o.0

2006-03-30T21:08:00.000+08:00

i can't believe how you got through to become an educator.
i don't know what else to do, how else to become better.
i don't understand how one can be so excellent.
i don't understand why i'm like this.
i don't know when you are going to stop bothering me in sch.