1st july

5 next wk but i spent my entire day in sch ushering inquisitive parents and kids arnd the sch compund, tell them more abt sn, marketted e sch. lost count of how many times my throat cracked. then came home for tuition on relative velocity which made me feel like the stupidest person alive. =) that probably summed up my day pretty much.

anw, i think the cca showcase reminded me of alot of things that happened a year back. many gd things. seriously, i agree with you, i thk leadership makes you think and reflect so much, your strengths, weaknesses. i must say tt i am glad i manage to pull through of course not by my strength but by the will of God. but one thing that made me regret alot is the action of smiling at one, along the corridors,trying to strike a conversation but in the end, an irritated look of disgust just stares right back, in your face. and sometimes i wonder if it is you had a bad day, got up from the wrong side of bed, got scolded by your parents? tt is what i regret. i regret not being able be that ideal person, that somehow even if i smiled so much, did so many things, i still failed to be that miss nice girl that you would expect me to be. many say that she is the bad guy while i am always the gd one.. but in this case i thk no matter how much you thk of me as not the bad person, i still end up as one. miss low, i think you inspire me a lot with tt sentence, thanks for sharing it.

one of the many things tt came to my mind was again how i took many people for granted. i took A for granted and its so weird now because communication seems to be at such a far distance from each other, both literally and figuratively. i took J for granted. i got irritated constantly and even expressed my irritation or exasperation although J was very nice to me, did everything, worried abt everything for me, shared my burden in everything. like wth was i thinking when i got cross for nothing. and now, the thought of not working with J anymore makes me feel upset. although i don't show it, i thk J helped me survive through that 3 hrs, 2 times each wk. i took ML for granted and i didnt even appreciate the last 10 mins of echo that rang so loudly in the chapel, those hands that conducted beautiful strokes, and i realise how much i owe her if i do get what i want for the next year. i took Ps for granted. i took D for granted. i assumed you would do everything and anything and i was mean at times.

so in short, this day reminded me to start appreciating what pple do for me.

meanwhile, i realise i am into the 1st week of july already. looking really forward to the 2nd week. GOD will see me through. and i am still praying for a miracle. for he spare not his own son for me, what else would he hold back from me, what blessings would he not shower me with? God, i thank you for everything, you know in me right now my deepest desires and god i pray you'll grant me the place, that when i get it, i will shout your praises and fall at your feet, look into your face and know that you are indeed a father who gives and loves. =) amen.

si tu crois-