i see the blue moon tonight

did you see it coming too?

well, just overwhelmed by thoughts. just had choir prac today. had 3 gd practices consecutively previously but recently we had 3 bad practices consecutively.
i was thking alot after i rushed off, feeling uber emotional. felt terrible throughout the entire practice actually. hmm, so pple can really tell if there is smth wrong with me huh? seems to me tt i have this super zonked out and blur look when i am upset, dull eyes.
i felt really frustrated with myself when i cldnt produce the correct sound. it's like you know what the correct sound shld be, you know what to do to get it, you can get it in previous practices, but so happens you can't produce it at THAT specific moment. and whatever tt came out of my mouth today was air. and the worse part is that i suppose to be helping my peers to improve but now i am adding to the problem. it's almost like i can't even settle myself, to achieving consistency in all practices, and i try to help others. a bit kay kiang right? and to thk tt i was on my way to getting back the correct sound when i cld ring.. in fact, i just realise how inconsistent i am.
i understand tt patience is a virtue. that such stuff comes with much practice and i havent been singing for a long time until now since i started sch. but i have been practising since end of dec?
sometimes i try to thk positively and remain strong like what i told sn choristers to do. like you know, i know tt i can take comfort in knowing tt everyone else is fighting this battle together and that we're going to support each other all the way. things like how i shld never give up and really persevere. cause giving up wld be as gd as useless. but i'm starting to thk tt i am a bit silly, cause sometimes i try so hard, yet naddaa, nth happens.
trying too hard, trying the wrong way? perhaps. sometimes i thk i am piahing too hard.
i was really thking like what's the point of having so much fighting spirit, when results are not showing.

i really hate to disappoint pple. i mean i rather get a big scolding than to not be scolded at all at the same time know that the other party is terribly disappointed. it just suddenly hit me when she promised not to scold us until 8th may, wanted to come on a day where we won't be tired. sudden welling of tears in the eye.

other than tt, i hate the wind at hwachong. its equi. to weather at czech during summer. there's wind, a little warmth ffrm sunlight. thk i caught a cold in the morning also.. sneezing non stop. took medicine. now feeling super drowzy. forgive me if i start speaking rubbish. and i am not depress or demoralized, just a littl frustrated.