internal conflict

yes, within myself.
i find it so hard to convince myself to do it.
like, here goes. i was selected to go for the VBC (virtual business challenge) by default. and, i don't really want to do it cause i have absolutely no interest.. and it is also not as if i am really free to play online games everyday, come up with strategies to stay in the game.. all sorts of funny things.
so, i so totally convinced myself to pon it. pon every single briefing, game session or whatsoever. i even broadcasted to the whole world tt i was going to pon it and i was proud of it.
but in my heart i knew tt i didnt dare to do so. either that or i realised tt it was going against my principles. like how it is just not me to pon. and i knew very well that since i can do nothing abt it,(since all my classmates refuse to sub me): i might as well make the best out of it, right? yes, and i know very well that that shld be the attitude.
on the other hand, i didnt want myself to succumb to circumstances but i wanted to manipulate myself out of this situation. i want to be like LINDO JONG!
seems impossible actually. cause in the end, there are consequences. and i am not prepared to face them.
and yes, i shld really trust god that i will get smth out of this. really.
so i spent half an hour or so, venting it out, sorting out within myself.. well, felt a bit better after that because i kept myself occupied with other thoughts, other plans, other things. aww, some ppl just makes you smile :)
yes, so, i know that i shld choose the right option. so whatever that is not right, OUT YOU GO OF MY MIND. shutup and don't ever creep into my mind unaware!
i bet the devil's using every single opportunity to mislead us, esp when we are tired. so well, i guess, if you're in that position, ask god to guard your heart and well give you the peace within yourself, wisdom and discernity to choose the right thing to do. many a times we know what is right to do but whether we do it in the end is another thing.
yes, so that's my encouragement to you. other than that..
last random statement: we can't afford to be complacent at all snchoir! until miss lim makes a hand gesture to cut the note of the last song on the 24th, you are still in the game, the competition! you know how much you want it and you know you can get it. so dont let your guard down! i believe in you! you can do it! so never take thigns for granted. and yes, no room at all for complacency friends! jiayou!! <3!