fantasizing

my dream is to live at the countryside. live in a nice mansion which is huge yet warm. and in the house there would be a fireplace and beside the fireplace there will be a nice huge beanbag where i can sit in. there would be this nice couch where i could lie on, to fall asleep while roasting chesnuts and marshmellows over the fire. outside the house, there would be a garden and a huge open field filled with flowers and grass which you can step on and feel good about it. there would be absolutely no mud, just carpet grass. in the middle of the field there would be a treehouse. the treehouse will be my secret hideout where i keep all my secret things . the field would be large enough for me to ride my horse. yes, there would be a shed beside my mansion. there would be a horse in it. a brown one with a long wavy white mane. and i would ride my horse whenever i want to.


such a carefree life isn't it? hello? come back to reality.
haha, now i understand why serene kept saying that she can't wait to get to heaven. hmm, heaven would be so much better than whatever i dreamt about.

dear god, help me go through this. i thk its a phase but i want to get over it now. lord, help me to be patient and know that everything is revealed in your time. help me to depend on you for courage and strength to get through each day. be it in sch, at choir, at home. help me to trust you. that's all i really need to do. to have faith and keep holding on to you. i want to get out of whatever i am in right now. i just want to leave everything to you. my subject combination, my new class perhaps, my new teachers, choir.. everything. help me to know what you really meant when you said "not by my will, but yours be done." amen.

father let me dedicate, all this life to thee
in WHATEVER WORDLY STATE, thou would have me be
not by sorrow, pain or care, freedom dare i claim
and whatever the future brings, glorify thy name.

can a child presume to choose, where or how to live
CAN A FATHER'S LOVE REFUSE, all the best to give
let my glad heart while it sings
thee in all proclaim
this alone shall be my prayer, glorify thy name.

i'll be fine. i know i will. just need to let everything out, let everything go to God. tmr will be a new day! and i will feel afresh the very minute i step into school. no more emo-ing and thking of all the negative stuff. i won't be 'sort'. i'll be strong because i am filled by the strength from the holy spirit. and it shall stay this way. i live in victory.