bye to blogger

hey reader,
i've moved to wordpress.
had enough of blogger.
so it's cckq.wordpress.com
relink yea? thanks.

oh and i changed my email too! so if you havent received an email from me abt that,
please ask me if you see me online or something. thanks.

cherie

i want a float

two days of cca leaders training.
turned out not as bad as i thought it would be.
tiring? a definite yes!
but i think i've learnt a bit. not to mention there's dragon boating today!
well, though we didn't really get to race the other group due to our series of unfortunate events, it was still an experience.
capsizing another time after the first.
two times, too much!

it kind of reminds me of how we keep sinking into emotions again and again. you try to pull yourself up to recover, but unknowingly, you start to fall into another one again.

incoherent talk here? i can feel myself floating up and down.
and i'm dead tired.
a week's passing again.

i love andrea! happy birthday dear girl!

besides, i love shan who kept me so entertained through this entire 2 day thingo.
i miss choir, friends who make me laugh and let me bully (eyes, the basses and tenors), girls whom i could always talk to (my dearest sops and altos) and of course my lovable juniors whom i would really love to get to know more.

for now, i need a float. nono, i am the float. eh? no. i am floating.
ahh darn.
the bed beckons.

when will it end?

a cough that's so dry it induces tears, a flu that makes TISSUE my best friend over the weekend and in days to come. i can only hope i get better, really soon.
i can't wait for friday.
not looking forward to tmr and thurs.
thurs there's dragon boat. normally i would think it be interesting but recently, nah, i think i've just resigned to the fact tt i'm lazy and tired out with activities.
i thk by 30, i want to retire. seriously. i would be too tired out by then right?
retire, go to the beach, throw pebbles along the waters and make them skip aye?

ahh, retirement fantasy acting up again.

ok,i got to go slp and recharge battery. and you know what? i can really take the easy way out apply for a 2 day mc. and skip the whole darn thing.
or get my choir mates to kidnap me in a sack..

but no, i will just go and see what awaits.
and god shall provide me with strength and perseverance to get through yet, another tiring week.

obedience

i suppose when things reach its limit, there's not much we can do.
only can turn to god, humble ourselves and say sorry for running away.

the pathway is broken
and the signs are unclear
and i dont know the reason, why you brought me here
but just because you love me,
the way that you do
i'm going to walk through the valley, if you want me to
-ginny owens

sometimes we all don't know why certain things happened or why we are in that predicament, but perhaps if we exercise patience and trust, we'll see what god's up to.
so i do know that i just want to be obedient and follow god, to delight in HIM.. and yes, i'm going to walk through wtv it is, if he wants me too. the amazing thing is that, i know i will not walk through it alone.

so he will guide me, through this whole busy period with choir, through all other things.

night life

half a cup of booze from dad
fingers dancing on the keyboard
to the tunes of the melancholic moonlight sonata

an urgent call
change of timing
re-informing..
a second call
made me feel sympathetic.

finally settled at 1
letting tranquil classics sink in

prayer time.
some kind of night life eh?
some sort of prelude to 18.

my kind of night life:
to sit in a lounge, be serenade by the musicians on the cello, piano, violin, flute..
taste wine or maybe just
coffee
read a book or maybe just
talk..

ahh.. till 18 or maybe much later. there i go again dreaming of a wonderful adulthood. i thk it's much harder than i make it out to be.

and i used to thk that it's every 17's dream to want to taste their first champagne.. can't wait to step into adulthood yet, maybe i shld stop wanting to grow up too fast.
everything in HIS time.

much better

somehow knowing that you understand and identified,
just listened
and even gave insight
made it all much better.

i just finished doing reflections for choir stuff and surprisingly it's not been emotional. in fact, i would say it's good that the teachers made us do it. and i really got in touch with how i felt.

resolutions made and whether they to be kept and carried out
only time will tell.

but today, i feel much much better.
perhaps it was dinner at aqua marine.

looking at chocolate coated strawberries made me happy!

hmm, why are my moods so swingy? brings to mind an essay topic.
teenage years are no doubt one of the toughest phase of life. do you agree?

snap your fingers and say!

recently i've been indulging in much self-time
2 movies at the theatres myself
all of which are fantasies.

it brought to mind how one dreams to be like the protagonist in the story, to go through an adventure, to find true love at the end of it all, or so to speak.
it's crazy how one craves for that fairytale.
but life isn't a fairytale, is it?

i don't want to do my reflections afterall they are only due wednesday. i know i'm going to sink into a deeper emotional thing, sphere or whatever it is.
as it is, i'm.. tired?

well, i visited the arcade today.
walking pass those noisy machines made me thk of the old days.
it's been a few years at least since i last set foot into one.
yet somehow wishing those machines would morph into transformers
ready to save me from drowning into this emotional thing..

yes, it's been awhile since i felt this way. to think about my fantasies, dreams..
only to find at the end of it all..
i'm still that girl,
standing beside the traffic light, waiting for the green man to come on..
still prefer to wear just t shirt and jeans..
letting music sink into my mind to soothe, heal its way through me..
dream on..

so i walk on
well, the Busy's over.. promos over, pw over, even piano theory's over.
what now?
not sure.
i do know i got to rest, before i start picking up the books again.

i hate this. to know the solutions to the problem yet i want to wallow in self pity.
sigh. it seems like i have eternity to waste.
yet, i might nvr know what i'll wake up to, tmr.
so at the end of it all..
i want to say..

"why don't you just snap out of it!"

omg. that's so familiar. someone said tt in some show..
crap.. can't remember.
ahhh.. i bet ching/nat/gen or someone knows!
i miss those days!

lack of colour

swallowing hard each time to keep the throat lubricated
as i rattle on breathlessly trying to beat 5 mins
again and

again.

scanning through the contact list to see if i could consult any
only to find many, by the name of "it's over"

well, i could put mine as
"excruciating"
"just screw it"

i don't know?

staring at the keyboard doesn't help much, nor the long to-do-list
this wk's been a dull grey.
just down and out.

good night