reflection

this is so contradicting.
i tell you not to show your emotions too much
yet when i feel mixed, others can always tell.

but putting up a facade is so fake right?
but by showing how you feel and everything, isn't tt like unhealthy?

that's why i love GOD, because with him, in front of him, you need not put up a pretence that you're this and that when you are actually broken inside.
it's because GOD heals the broken, comforts the lonely, healer of all wounds and pains.it's because you can come to him broken and upset, and he will pick you up and say that he loves you no matter what.

recently, i've been feeling very failure.. because of a lot of stuff, tt i can't uphold the responsibilities, because i don't carry myself properly, because all i do is fool around and am not serious.and there was a point where i really thought you made a mistake in leaving it to me. well, this still dwells in my mind, but i know i've got a great god. and i may really questioned why i am put into this and that position but i know it isn't a mistake because it's part of HIS plan for me.



and i'll sing, sing,
i love you so
and i'll sing
because the world can't take away your love

Evermore

evermore my heart, my heart will say
above all, i live for Your glory
even if my world falls i will say,
above all, i'll live for Your glory.

even if my world falls i will say,
above all, i'll live for His glory.

amen.

i absolutely agree with YOU

yep, just read someone's blog i totally agree..
the 2nd wk of sch just ended and it seemed as if we've been in sch since forever.
tsk.
bio was horrifying.
and anw, i agree totally with ching and gen that when sch starts, all the frustration starts and its really easy to become like falstaff in king henry the 4th.

this is the scenario: you either become a buffoon or, you just become like.. a moorditch or.... haha.. the other one you know la.. the way falstaff speaks is.. erm-ing

was doing binomial theorem and matrices last night. matrices are my friends.. but binomial theorem made me want to rip my book into half and throw it down the building and hitting the lady staying below my block who apparently keep staring at the world who walks pass her door.. but haha.. obvious i wont do it..

sent an sms to ching to vent my frustration. and it surprised her cause i hardly msg on weekdays.

well, gen said to read matt. 11:28.. and it really comforted me. so did phi 4:6-9

yup for now, i can only meditate on these verses for comfort and assurance.

LESSONS..

learnt.
today had choir audits and interviews.
as well as choir.
thought of some stuff.
reflected abt certain things.
and now i realise the difficulty of it now.
it's not as manageable as i thought it be.
but it has taught me a lesson.

i've got so many priorities, commitments..
and i am in sec 4.
got back chem papers today.
just,
disappointed.
tomorrow's bio..
help.

all i can think of is pray really hard darling.
and think positive baby..

someone made this comment once:
depression is when you fall deep into the well, trap underground in a dark area, and what you need is someone to reach out to pull you out of the pit-and that's help.

HELP.

p.s. am i in depression? i don't think so. but maybe i am but i don't know, or maybe i am just in a very reflective mood now. so don't worry, i don't need a counsellor or psychiatrist.

so long, farewell!

thinking about the few mornings
i've spent with you
makes me look forward to
the next five months
where you'll be back for
good
just want to encourage you-
do not be anxious about anything
but in everything
by prayer and petition
presents your requests to
GOD
and the peace of
GOD
which transcends all understanding
will guard your hearts and your minds in
CHRIST JESUS.

take care my friend,
adieu.

p.s. in 5 months =)

pray hard darling

oh..chem was.. hmm.. hm.. challenging!
and ya, that is just me trying to be positive abt it.
and i seriously hope it doesn't mean that i.. (whatever i thk the consequences are)

anyway, i thk this joke is very funny, created by me!
me: val, what's up with you and peanuts
val the peanut lover:nothing..
me: HAHA.. nutting!!!!

do you get it?

HELP.

i think i don't have to sleep tonight but i will eventually.
i think i have time management problems. help.
i think i have priority management problems. (too many things to prioritise you see..)
i need help.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzz

just have no chemistry with chem.

too little time, so much to do..

too little time, too much to do.
this wk: chem and bio review test.
wk 3: a maths test
wk 4: bio ecology test.

tsk. i hate hate hate sec4.
i don't feel sec 4 and i am not ready to be a sec 4.
the pressure is coming in when people arnd start discussing which jcs they want to go to. sighs, well, i am so far away from my target. tsk. and i have maths tuition tmr. boring. i got to finish hiroshima compre tonight, revise a bit of amath tonight. study for chem.. and bio can just go and die..

anw, lessons today was so humiliating for me. some had to make me speak in chinese in front of the class today which made me felt so totally embarrassed and.. jsut weak and small.

english was like a storytime lesson.
lit was so frivolous talking abt how prince hal and falstaff joke and insult each other abt their low lifestyles.
and.. history was reflecting..
now physics slack period.

boring... i want to do things like, decorate my ugly sch diary.. and make ching do a new blog template.. and.. many more stuff.. but i am so tied up w sch work..

anw, sec 1 orientation camp was good..at least the games went well, though it was raining. had fun getting to know more sec1s. thankfully nothing turned out like what the sec 4 counsellors expected. thank goodness.. but i thk some had interesting things happening to them.. at least nthg happened to me..

anw, pple in class in the library are getting horny talking abt stuff after lit lesson.. ahaha.. i hear no evil.

ok. thats all. i am bored.

busy

sch started and i am already tired and exhausted on the 4th day..
tsk.. sec 1 camp tml and sat.
pray for no rain.

the new year

haha, its 1st of jan 2006! yay! new yr has arrived..

ok, thought abt some stuff and really thk there are a lot of things to give thanks to GOD for...

1) my braces op. although it's classified as a minor op. i was so scared tt i was looking through my contact list after and before the op to make sure i didnt forget anyone since one of the risks was that i wld lose my memory and become a vege if they hit raw nerve or smthg..so really give thansk to GOD tt he saw me through..

2)my sch exams. although i didnt do very well, jsut want to give thanks for the tests and exams tt i went through in sch. i thk without GOD, i wldnt have even survived through it.

3)chinese o levels. ohman.. thank GOD tt he was with me during the process of preparation and all.. but results coming nxt yr feb/mar. and i am really scared, so can pray for me. but i'll tell myself to have faith..

4)my family stuff. think there were ups and downs btwn my parents and i this yr and i thk alot of things tt happened really made our relationships closer and i really thank GOD for that.

5)my wonderful friends who encouraged me in one way or another.

6)bay camp! GOD has shown me so much during the camp which i have shared previously.

7)helping me cope in sch although the numerous no. of added responsibilities.

8)just helping me to cope w my emotions and my daily living.. haha..

ok, those were the things i went through in general and whatever i want to give thanks for.. yup.. GOD has been faithful indeed in showing his grace and mercy, his goodness. yea.

well, 2006 will be a... hmm, i use to say die la whenever soemone asks me abt 2006.. but you know what? jeanette reminded me some stuff which made me think.. haha, that we must always be positive in whatever situation.. and yep, my blog heading used to be "soemthing's wrong" cause yup, when i blog, really.. always something is wrong.. haha.. but look! it says "think positive baby!" i have resolute to think positive and to have faith that all things will work out according to HIS will.

and yep, yesterday was a great day.. 31st dec 2005..had bay covenant night, shared gave thanks, prayed. then it was supper at SURIYA! haha, and some pple were teasing me how innocent i was.. haha..anw, today was a great day and i give thanks for tt..

GOD created today to be a great day filled with fun and mixed emotions, to help me learn and reflect...HIS love endures forever.
amen.