i see the blue moon tonight

did you see it coming too?

well, just overwhelmed by thoughts. just had choir prac today. had 3 gd practices consecutively previously but recently we had 3 bad practices consecutively.
i was thking alot after i rushed off, feeling uber emotional. felt terrible throughout the entire practice actually. hmm, so pple can really tell if there is smth wrong with me huh? seems to me tt i have this super zonked out and blur look when i am upset, dull eyes.
i felt really frustrated with myself when i cldnt produce the correct sound. it's like you know what the correct sound shld be, you know what to do to get it, you can get it in previous practices, but so happens you can't produce it at THAT specific moment. and whatever tt came out of my mouth today was air. and the worse part is that i suppose to be helping my peers to improve but now i am adding to the problem. it's almost like i can't even settle myself, to achieving consistency in all practices, and i try to help others. a bit kay kiang right? and to thk tt i was on my way to getting back the correct sound when i cld ring.. in fact, i just realise how inconsistent i am.
i understand tt patience is a virtue. that such stuff comes with much practice and i havent been singing for a long time until now since i started sch. but i have been practising since end of dec?
sometimes i try to thk positively and remain strong like what i told sn choristers to do. like you know, i know tt i can take comfort in knowing tt everyone else is fighting this battle together and that we're going to support each other all the way. things like how i shld never give up and really persevere. cause giving up wld be as gd as useless. but i'm starting to thk tt i am a bit silly, cause sometimes i try so hard, yet naddaa, nth happens.
trying too hard, trying the wrong way? perhaps. sometimes i thk i am piahing too hard.
i was really thking like what's the point of having so much fighting spirit, when results are not showing.

i really hate to disappoint pple. i mean i rather get a big scolding than to not be scolded at all at the same time know that the other party is terribly disappointed. it just suddenly hit me when she promised not to scold us until 8th may, wanted to come on a day where we won't be tired. sudden welling of tears in the eye.

other than tt, i hate the wind at hwachong. its equi. to weather at czech during summer. there's wind, a little warmth ffrm sunlight. thk i caught a cold in the morning also.. sneezing non stop. took medicine. now feeling super drowzy. forgive me if i start speaking rubbish. and i am not depress or demoralized, just a littl frustrated.

the end

i just realised that blogging is going to be real hard and almost impossible in this coming year.
so what i'm going to do is to stop blogging. (will blog once in a blue moon) so, check out the night sky, maybe you'll see a blue moon one day.
yep, really have no time and i am not a very interesting blogger also. and, i thk when you have a blog, unless you really have this burning passion to write and share, i thk by having a blog, makes me obliged to write. which is not the point of having it really.
i also realise that whatever i want to share, whatever i want to just say abt my day can be done when i talk to god. it's really quite cool to start talking to god, even aloud, when the lights are off and you're lying down on your bed. sometimes you hear a reply, sometimes you don't.. nevertheless, you know there's someone there listening and not judging you, nor condemning you. it's so unlike the world where they read your blog and start to draw conclusions abt you.. hmm, please don't get the wrong idea right now tt when i write this saying tt i dont want to blog anymore is because of someone who has passed comments abt my blog or anything. but rather, i find tt it's very true that pple really judge you. that's the world sadly.
i've begun to talk more to god seriously alot at night abt every thing, some random stuff, my thoughts on certain things like BGR for eg. just almost everything.. learning slowly to trust him in every thing.
but, it so happens tt the 3rd day of my commitment to trust him fully failed miserably. sigh, it's over, i just hope tt such occurences wont happen again.

anyway, back to my story.

i'm in JC now. it's a different world out here. i enjoyed orientation so far. still have 1 more week of orientation. getting into classes next week. this week was great fun together with my OG. yea, crazy pple who made games sessions so fun. even dance sessions, song, cheer sessions..i thk the council is really very efficient, impress! games were really good, thk these type of games really need very eccentric pple to come up with. zai! and their planning and time management is really quite good also la, considering tt sn exco had challenging times regarding these two aspects. wha, their games really zai =)) i thk hwachong has a very eventful past. hmm, will share with you if you are interested. i thk the way the entire sch pulled through the tough times especially during THE MOVE in 1980s, made me felt really touched. yea, and i have never heard of a sch who has so much difficulties..i mean as a new student to the sch, you can really feel the sch's zhi4 qiang2 bu4 xi1 jing1 shen2.

but somehow i feel that it's not like stnicks. maybe its because it's an all girls' sch but besides tt, it's just diff. in sn, you feel loved. maybe tts cause i havent even spent enough time in hc, but yea..i thk in this week many of us said many times of how we wished we were back in sn or sn is like this, more like this, more like that.. well, i can only tell myself this tt, i will always be grateful for what sn has done for me, i love sn but now i am in a diff. sch, i guess i have to learn to adapt quickly, be more independant. suddenly when you're in a sch which emphasizes so much on self initiative and independence, i started to appreciate and be so thankful for what the teachers in sn has done. like seriously..

anw, choir in hc has been tough i guess. practice sessions are very hiong i guess. but rather enjoyable when the music starts to slowly surface. something strucked me today at choir. ''we have to be seriously fun'' hmm, what does it mean to be seriously fun.. i guess it's to be serious yet to include the element of fun in everything we do. we make more than just sound, but also music. this inspired me today i guess. but well, not performing up to standard i guess. suddenly after stopping choir prac, my voice just starts to deteriorate. i thk there's smth wrong w my breathing and punching, or i don't breathe enough tts why can't reach high notes. and my range is super small. argh. have the bright tone but can't hit high notes.

so, i am just very thankful for all the new pple i have met, familiar faces whom i've met from primary sch.
i am thankful for the many times where i can blog abt anything i want on this blog and receive encouragement, advice from pple.

well, by doing this i am not shutting myself to the world and the pple arnd me esp. friends who have gone to other schools, but well, i guess if you really want to know what's going on in my life, i'm just a phone call away.

for now, i guess we'll just wait for the blue moon to appear =)
world peace!

(just felt like saying tt, don't know why)