bad guy!

yea, as the saying goes, a man's got to do what a man's got to do. i thk sometimes i have got to be brave enough to be the bad guy. for the greater good of everyone else. and yes, i realise that many a times, i have been too reliant on the "adults" to do things for me, for us. it's time i do something abt it.

but the recent no. of cases are really killing me. it disheartens me yet i know i shldn't be too affected by them. thousands of phone calls to make in 1 night. yet i know i want to make these calls. must give the adults a break.

but come to think of it.. i don't have to be the bad guy.. right? i can be the guy who tries to understand the opposite? i don't have to nag or rebuke. i can ask, understand, communicate tactfully. that's what i can do. i can be a friend who genuinely cares. and i want to. and i will.

so then again, there are always two sides to things. it's how one can choose to perceive it. i thk i need to be more perceptive. don't always look at the big picture.

recently, my favourite phrase has been "i am so tired.." no idea tired of what or why tired. just like to whine. sigh, should quit whining for no reasons. ohwell, no reason at all since i sleep at prob arnd 11 now and then.. must be because of the accumulated late nights watching tv or surfing net.

strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord
we will wait upon the Lord

indeed God will provide.

life's gd. infinite blessings received. what more can i ask for? can't wait for next week. this week's zzzz.. project work oral presentation? theory exam?
dreading both. ya, my favourite phrase also. "piano's killing me."

but we all know it won't kill right?

time to make the calls..
ring ring!
hello?
cherie's gonna win tonight!
gd bye!

haha, tt reminds me of green house cheer. oh well. bugging bugging bugging things, i hate much!
tata!

the other side?

the grass always seems to be greener on the other side.

this morning, i'm reminded of the whole aspect of leaning on god's wisdom. and i really detest to make choices and decisions because most often than not, i end up making the choices and decisions that would gain approval from people. it's almost like a choice made seeking for acceptance, or sometimes even out of pure responsibility.

and yes, this verse just kept resounding in my mind this morning.

1 cor 1:25 for the foolishness of god is even wiser than the wisdom of man and the weakness of god is even stronger than the strength of man.

isn't that breath-taking? you know, the minute i read it, i went "wow!" many a times we are so caught up with many things, thoughts, we forget who God is. or maybe just the fact that he is big.

and you know, on sunday in church we discussed a lot abt surrendering to GOD. giving 100% surrender to HIM. i realise i have not really done so. for this period of time, i know i am still clinging on to one thing, at least, that i self-declared it consists of half my stress level. yes, and i certainly have not depended on GOD's wisdom to guide me, to teach me what to do.. i realise that some decisions i make, i do it just because i think i am in charge.. and not even praying abt them.

so i have decided, that i am going to depend on HIM for wisdom. depend on HIS wisdom to guide me into making decisions.

:( i really hate it when it bugs me so much. for some reason or another.
WAIT. god says, wait.

The same

it's a wonder how one day your mood can be really good.
you feel happy, satisfied, contented.
yet the next day, your mood can change for the worse.
you feel grumpy, frustrated, upset.

it's a wonder how characters can change.. one day you can be forgiving, understanding, patient.
yet the next day, you can become unforgiving, less understanding, less patient.

i was pondering about this on my way home this afternoon.
and you know, i just felt so comforted that Jesus is always the same?

yesterday, today, forever you're the same
jesus your love,
will never ever change
you are here with me
watching over me
day after day,
you are my hiding place.

yes, isn't it amazing that jesus is always the same? his love never changes. no matter what. amazing right? unconditional love.. he is always that patient and forgiving. though at times, he may rebuke, but you know he's still the same.. how lovely is that eh?

help me to love, because You loved me despite everything.

17

being 17 doesn't feel any different than being 16.
but i don't thk i would doubt that being 17 means more responsibilities that comes with decisions that was made.
now that i have lived through 17 years of my life, i can't imagine that i actually grew a bit.
growing yet at the same time i feel that i have lost part of myself in the process. yes, time for yet another joyluckclub yingying saint claire lesson!
no.
but yes, it isn't necessarily a bad thing either, to lose part of yourself.
oh well, maybe i didnt lose anyth, it's just the different behaviour that i have towards different people. somehow when i'm with the old friends, i giggle, talk abt random things randomly.. etc.

thank you nat gen ching for 7th of october 2007! i think you all never fail to surprise me, amuse me...

i feel so blessed to have friends like them who bother to wake early, knowing that i have church in the morning.. invade my bedroom and hide under my blanket while i was in the shower! burst into "happy birthday" the moment i stepped into the room! that morning, honey stars and tao hway tasted the best because they brought it for me for breakfast. aww.

it's amazing.

thanks to the rest too who hugged, msged, tagged,folded paper rose,aeroplane, wrote as well as gave presents etc. including my church friends!

you all put a smile on my face!

of course my family did a simple dinner at shaslik on friday night. it was simple, sweet. good food of course! baked oysters with cheese! icecream drenched in wine! succulent steak even the bread and butter tasted great! nice.

so, i thank god for everything!

waiting

i'm waiting to hear from GOD.

i'm in a dilemma.
dilemmas actually.

hmm, maybe it isn't so much of a dilemma but rather.. i guess certain things and decisions have to be made soon? and i'm worried because all i really want to do is just to obey god. full stop. that's all. i want to please him. i want to do what he wants me to do. simple as that.

i'm praying. if god says yes. i will go. if he says no, then i will not go. in any case, i will trust in his will for me. and that somehow he will find a way out.

i met up with enai for dinner tonight. it was great, really. but i think i have a lot to ponder and think about and most importantly, to pray about.

whatever.

yay! exams are over!
hmm, i think i came to a point where i told myself to accept whatever that happens.
but i do believe that whatever is going to happen will be good.
anyway,
i
am
annoyed.

with whom?
Happy Chocolate.
nth new.

pfft.

haha, guess what i did on my first day of freedom yesterday?
i went out with natalie pua! oh gosh, i love her so much!
we ate, shopped, walked around. and met amanda (nat's bestie)
walked around. stoned around.
i'm happy.
i got 3 dvds to watch. thousands of english drama serials to catch up with. whole long list of things to buy, a BOOK to read. (can you believe it? i actually went to the library yesterday!)

why yes, a book to read. and it's about reading people, body language and so on. haha, smth which i fantasize all day abt. which is to possess the power to read people's mind.. i try to actually but sometimes in vain. haha.

as you can see, i'm really having the time of my life. seriously.but things are going to get.. well.. eventful.

pfft.

i'm not complaining. just. annoyed.

agenda for today:
mock spa! (lol! what's the topic again?)
mtg mtg mtg mtg mtg mtg!
dentist =(
then...

SELF TIME!

i love to spend time alone sometimes. allows you to breathe and feel that you are actually existing. hmm, maybe i'll go shopping or maybe, it's time to pay esplanade another visit.
ohwell, we'll see how it goes.

i love nat!