blast of events from 23/5 to 27/5

i rmb feeling really very emotional nowadays. because of a whole lot of things that happened.. some pretty personal ones, others include, how we had our last two practices for choir and of course, the long awaited concert yesterday!

so we had our best of syf sch concert tt day which was our 2nd last performance as an 06/07 batch. and we went onstage, although it wasnt our best perf. i felt it wasn't tt bad as well. enjoyed myself onstage. although i had a panic attack at the beginning of mate saule. suddenly no voice, then throat was conjested with phlegm. so had to clear throat subtly and try to come in.. but it only got better during jap game.

our 2nd last practice was held outside the auditorium, though it was a bit stuffy and hot.. it went not bad. besides some random occasions where we got scolded from miss lim. other than tt, we prayed for lishan as she left for china to visit relatives. sigh. I MISS LISHAN! please come back soon!!

the last prac was quite emotional. i felt really v bad for not making it a gd last practice for the seniors. well, it was definitely a memorable prac but sigh, have never seen miss lim so angry before. sorry seniors. but we still had one more fighting chance on our concert day! and yes, i believe we can do it.(we did it!) although this phrase has been overused,i still stand by it. i know hwachong choir can do it. (and we did it!)

oh there was dsa auditions that day also! just first round only la. so there will be more auditions coming up. but yes, it's was great. thanks all those who came arnd to help although they didn't have to. but yep. it made me thk of my dsa auditions. like how kaixuan and johnny interviewed me..

cantare-and so it is over. and im just thankful that god allowed it to end on a gd note.

sighs. i am really really happy that miss lim thought that we did our best last night and that we were not bad. =) i loved our jap game. i thought i cld really feel the hwach choir spirit when we sang that song. calme de nuit made my heart melt. seriously. everytime i sing calme, i feel so.. calm? lol. anyway, mate saule was ok, ma yi la was very very enjoyable. i felt.. gamelan, not tt gd for altos. haha, irritating part la.. deng 2,3,4 dong2,3,4 deng2,3,4. denga donga deng x3 (with screeching high Ds) haha, other than tt, it was ok for me. kaktus was quite retarded, cause it reminded me of how click wick called me a cactus throughout god-knows how many years cause there was once i had cactus hair :) hmm, jaacobin was.. haha, a bit zhao sia! and i thk i didnt hum the note loud enough. crap. i was practically whacking my wrist (with the tuning fork) so hard so that the sound will resound loud enough so that i cld get the note clear enough. but thk i didnt whack properly.. so heard a faint sound.. argh. and not my wrist has a slight bruise. INDICATION: i am too bony and skinny. shits. must eat more.

speaking abt eating.. i ate like one dumpling when i got home plus thousands of godiva chocolates (from my dearest classmates!) actually, i felt quite touch that they brought a gift for my performance. sigh.thanks for coming dears! and yes, thank you everyone else who came for the concert! the senior class! thanks for the rose! thank you nj pple! that includes chuwen and xianting! thanks for the flower! my sn friends janice, eugenia! (thanks for the flowers!!) serene, thanks for the sms and just thank you for being present to witness my first concert this yr. thanks siyun and soony! you all really bought a balloon =)) was it an obligation ah? hhaaha, love you guys too! :) and and and THANKYOU CLICKO WICKO! for the weirdo hand.. eh, name it leh! and and thanks for being such wonderful darlings! who made random poses and waves at me on stage. it just induced more smiles from me to the audience. im so sorry i cldnt go hang out with you all. had to go home in the end also. lol. yes, so i stayed with the choir at the concourse cam whoring like mad. seriously took so many photos tt i thk we can go on taking photos and not stop at all. didnt take with the guy seniors at all. :( ok, nvm, will take another day! have to take! have to take!

other than tt, thk the esplanade experience was just great! like the back stage is like woah! huge huge huge! and it feels like a hotel stayover kind of thing when you shuffle btwn diff. levels.. and the dressing room pwns la. there is a toilet with a few showers and a few cubicles.. and the toilet is so clean you can just walk in bare footed. like woah. so in btwn rehearsals we continued our random singing and cam whoring. haha. so fun! i felt tt e j1 girls got to bond a little when the j2s all left for rehearsals and we were left locked outside our dressing rooms. we randomed a bit with the tuning fork and started singing a few songs.

sigh, i love my batch mates a lot too. omg, i just realise tt, no matter how different our characters may be, in the end, this cca, CHOIR just bridges all of us.. just brings us all closer together because, i can see passion in everyone's eyes for this cca. i really saw it in everyone's eyes yesterday. it felt so gd when i see things tt i never saw before. yesterday was truly amazing. and i feel like tearing again. sigh, what will i do without choir? hmm, i sound as if i am a j2. but haha, yes.. it alr feels like this in j1. what more in j2 huh? thk i shall start arming myself with waterproof makeup as yuntian suggested. hurrhurr.

i really felt so.. i don't know how to describe. it's a feeling you get when you feel the hwachong choir spirit. seriously. like when we went back on stage after the performance, miss lim started saying all those stuff abt how she nvr saw us tt determined and all.. and how we cheered for everyone after tt.. how we hugged as an alto section and did our whooshes throughout the day.. this weird feeling came over me. my stomach started to feel weird. my goosebumps all appeared. and i feel a sudden surge of warmth within.. as well as this feeling of tearing. yes, i felt it too when we were along the corridor waiting for our turn to go onstage. the few moments where you feel as though time goes by so slowly before a performance. did a lot of deep breathings.will miss all those pple standing near me..who were there for me..

and i did tear. i teared throughout the entire day at random occasions. like when the j2 batch was singing their song onstage.. and we cld hear them through the speakers in the dressing rm. i just closed my eyes, pictured every single moment i had with them.. and flashes of things tt some of them said to me before, random memories just flooded my mind. teardrops came la. i don't know why either. silly me. cld have spoilt my makeup totally. but luckily it wasnt tt bad. it was only bad after we went back to the dressing rooms to change after the entire performance. yes, it was quite smudged esp. the mascara. i shall never attempt to put mascara anymore. just in case i tear and then in the end, everyth else melts in my eyes. eew. looked like some shit yesterday. :(

but now tt cantare is over. DEEP BREATHS! haha,though the FEELING that i was talking abt, is still there.. i thk it's time to get a grip on myself.time to move on. time to be strong and start being independent. the seniors brought us through so much.. through syf where we got tt gwh.. through cantare which ended on a gd note. so, we've got to improve and continue to work very hard to keep it there or just continue improving! there is so much more we can achieve, i am positive! so yes, we will work hard and not disappoint the seniors. we'll make you guys proud, and i promise that we will keep the choir spirit there, tt we'll not give up in times of difficulty but grit our teeth and persevere! and that's a promise! so, rest assure seniors, haha, seokhui said "go in peace" lol.

ohya, i love our alumni also. i thk hwachong voices have been offering so much help to the college section. like i have never seen so dedicated seniors who still come back to help out. as kaii said, they acted as a buffer, to help protect us from miss lim sometimes. sigh, love them too. thk we're very very lucky. and our teachers have been great also. to thk they actually wrote us cards to encourage us to perform well. haha, tts really nice of them!

i thk this is an unforgettable concert. it really is. sigh. time to work hard! come on pple! we can do it! i still thk god is really gd and in control of everyth. and i am leaving everything to him.. so, cherie, have more faith tt he's leading you the right way.

i <3333 CANTARE!

were you?

yea, just had dinner. didn't have so much of an appetite though. i guess that's cause my mind was exploding with a huge ton of things. gpp by tmr, and i am still MIA in msn. and ya. stayed back late in sch. had choir interviews and was waiting for a few of the last pple to finish. enjoyed the quietness of the sch though. it's like super quiet without activity but yet so many things are going on at that very moment. and yes, for once, i really felt as though time really stopped tt instant.

were you disappointed?
i didn't dare to look at you for an answer.
were you tired?
i guess you were, from the way you spoke. (softer by the minute)
were you disappointed?
i'm sorry.
just don't stop loving me.

i guess everytime when we do smth wrong, we are bound to allow others to form their own judgement of us. and ya, don't we all fear judgement? i know i do. i get really mad sometimes when i thk abt how others look or view me. and ya, it's so sad that our world is so judgemental that sometimes you just wish everyone was the same. but i do know that we have a god who judges in the end. but still loves you and accepts you for who you are. thats love. acknowledging yet accepting your faults no matter what happened.

i love you.

green saladdddddddd!

the weekend has been great i suppose. im feeling much happier, brighter. i feel pretty, oh so pretty, i feel pretty, and merry and GAY!

saturday: choir was quite eventful. it feels great to be able to sing again. thank god i'm feeling better. much much better although i was coughing here and there but nvm. yes, halfway through memorising scores, i hope to finish them by tonight. ok, i must. despite being plagued by cramps halfway, i was ok til i got into the car. no idea why also. felt extremely cold.. and apparently, the aircon cant be turned down? so, i endured shivering from bukittimah all the way to east coast to pick my brother then back to sgoon. by the time i got home, i thk the fever came back. how ridiculous huh? i went to bed after dinner. covered myself in blanket. maybe cause i stuffed myself up so much tts why i got so hot. 39 degrees by 9pm. haha, broke record.. but nah. feel so much better now. thk the fever a little mad. feel like coming then come, so i don't really give two hoots abt it anymore. thk i am reaching tt fully recovered stage alr. so let's go!

sunday: oh, highlight of the day, serene made this really cool dessert salad. it's called some green salad thing. which contains, jello, marshmellows, cheese, whipped cream, pineapples.. it tasted a bit like the solero icecream thing. though it didnt looked really presentable but it tasted cool. really nice. reminds me of some italian dessert/pizza-ish thing. thk it's the cheese. really nice, i loved it although i ate little. message was good too. reminded of how god's judgement is not my judgement. and how i shldn't be so lack of faith at certain tough times so much that i confront god and question him why and all..

oh, i suddenly had this dream of running away from thunder and lightning last night. suddenly remembered it when jane, hazel and i were talking abt the weather. was it raining last night? hmm, queer dreams. and there was this night where i dreamt tt my friends committed suicide. and it was so so scary. i can even remember who. but i shan't freak anyone out. sigh, so morbid. i hope i have happier dreams soon.

last week of practice with the seniors. it's sad. =( thk it wld be pretty different without them. aww. treasuring every single min of practice now. and yes, i was reading the past entries of my other blog tt day and i came upon this entry abt czech republic that i was so tired during our second perf. of the day for the sacred category that i didnt realise it was the last perf. we had with miss lim, as a sec 4 batch, with our juniors too.. that i didnt appreciate that moment enough, didnt appreciate miss lim's conducting enough.. and ya, when it was over i was just shocked tt it went by. so, this time.. i am not going to let tt happen to me. i will just appreciate everyth that happens. =)

ok, i am getting jealous at all the nice stuff pple can eat while i am trying to restraint myself from getting sick again. green!

OMG

it finally worked! oh thank god..have been waiting for this thing to work for years and now finally it works! yes! haha.. ok breif updates on whats been happening.

on syf:
TO GOD BE THE GLORY! seriously and honestly, i really felt that it was god behind it and that's why we got it. god is really really very good to us. and our choir's really blessed by him. think that this is a very gd testimony to his name and i am really glad.

yea, well, i guess we were a little unstable on stage esp. the starting. yes, and then went a little sharp here and there during the performance. and yes, i thk reality then, hit us that we're more or less settling with gold. either high gold or GWH. and i thk everyone was kind of preparing themselves for the worse or either that, feeling a little disappointed, scared.. all sorts of mixed emotions. for me, it was more of like restlessness. yes, i didnt know how or what to feel. cause deep down i was really quite anxious and scared.. yet i know full well that i shldn't be so lack of faith in god. and yes, we prayed tt he will grant us that gwh, so have faith that he will regardless of whatever that happened on stage.

so, i was going bonkers trying to calm myself down and try encourage the other pple too. so it was a intense period of time from how we got offstage, heard feedback that it wasn't our best performance, watched the other choirs sing, marvel at them, waited for the results, and finally hear the results. the lady who announced really scared me. she went like GOLD (fullstop) then added, with honours! and immediately everyone jumped up and screamed. haha. yes. it came really unexpectedly. and i guess god works in such unexpected and amazing ways. simply breathtaking and ya, wow. indeed, it was by his grace that we got what we achieved. amen. so praise god and thank him for everyth. really. even miss lim agrees.

haha. well, so our result came as a shock although we're happy. hmm, i thk that although some of us or other ppl may not feel that we deserve it and yes, we are really very blessed to have gotten it, but i believe that the fact that the judges awarded us that GWH proves the X factor theory right. yea, there must be smth they see in us that made them deem us worthy of that gwh title. so, feel proud of it yes? hmm, maybe others might not see that in us or anything but yes, i believe that that x factor thing saved us.. really. hmm, guess we had communication wth the audience, made them feel part of it. yes, the title can serve as a motivation now for us to work harder so that when we showcase it at our concert we'll be able to show others that we are worthy of the title. yes, we can't afford to be complacent also la. just have fun this week, but must be prepared to chiong all the way for concert. yes,and i believe that if we work hard.. i am sure we will peak at our concert. =))

needless to say, i feel that some choirs are quite gd..but they didn't get the result they wanted due to exceeding time. yes acjc was very gd. and i really respect and applaud them. they kind of knew that they might exceed time but despite that, they went on stage to create music. yep, so they didn't want to go any faster for the slow songs but yes, they just wanted the song to have a full effect.. so, yes, they got gold. but everyone knew they were a GWH choir. and yes, i really respect them for what they did. it was very brave. (thanks xianyou for giving up your acjc choir ticket to me, i'm glad you got a ticket too. thanks)

hmm, yes i thk i said this before, jc choir syf competition is quite intense. simply because in every choir, there is smth to learn from them.. there is substance. ya, great experience although the entire day was very very tiring. the music that some of the choirs created were just simply breathtaking. well, i just want to encourage everyone to continue to press on despite the results that they/we got. yes.there is always room for improvement whether or not they/we did well at the competition yes?

after that we went for dinner at marina food court. and after that some adjourned to esplanade while the rest of us wanted to go home. half way we decided that it was too early then we went to chijmes. sat down and talked too. had great fun la.

i learnt alot though. i thk this really strengthened my faith in god. and yes, it's really too good to be true. god really loves us a lot. amen. yes, we shld have a worship session soon. and miss lim says to count her in accd to hewlett. haha. can't wait.

on 15th may:
i am down with food poisoning,probably due to sushi tei dinner on mothers'day. urgh. no diarrhoea though. just feel like vomitting every sec and feel weak and tired, stomach queasiness and feverish. haha, had a temperature yesterday night 38.5! but glad that it went down today.

now, i feel as though i am suffering from pnuemonia. chest conjestion and coughing. did i tell you how painful it was to cough when your stomach is not feeling well. the worst part is coughing but nth comes out.. urgh. =( so, i didnt go to sch yesterday and today. missed a great deal of tests which i have to make up eventually. urgh. chem spa make up is on friday after ct. kill me. and math make up? no idea..

oh and there's vj concert tonight. thk i can go like this? i guess i will just cab later. can't miss watching ching, lix and mong! go pple! can't scream either. pfft. i am so irritable when i am sick. i havent eaten since breakfast yesterday besides a few mouthfuls of porridge which made me want to throw up again. aahhh! hmm, hopefully i will be well to attend sch tmr. there is comprehension make up tmr after sch. too much sashimi and sushi for my own gd.

=( pissed. oh i had weird recurring dreams though. someone interpret it for me. i kept dreaming of black dots. and how each dot is stationed at each of my joints. and then, i keep dreaming of how they have to be connected in a certain way.. like from dot no.1 to dot no. god knows what. yes, and before i know it, i wake up with a jerk and find that i am a 38.5 hot stuff.

yes, ssss.. i sizzle, i scorch and now i pass the torch! i slept for the entire of yesterday and half of today. urgh!bimbotic. ahhh!!!! somehow, sometimes you wished you cld be ill but when you are really sick, you wished that the sickness would go away. =( miss polly had a dolly who is sick sick sick. she called for the doctor to be quick quick quick!

as of 16th may:
oh yesterday was really bad. my eyes suddenly swelled. thk it's an allergy to medicine tt i took. but thank god.. i am feeling better alr. the swell went down. although fever still quite irregular, keep going up and down. even today. but yes, felt quite frustrated, emo and helpless. and i nearly teared at choir cause i cldn't do anything. but i knew it was for my own gd. so, yes.. it's a motivation for me to rest more and get well soon. thanks to all who encouraged and sent well wishes. love you all! and i got myself another mc!

other random thoughts:
-choir elections are coming, interviews are starting, nomination list is out. yes, exciting and happening!
-chem spa tmr! (hyperventilates)
-concert is coming! exciting too! i need to go learn my scores to make up for the stuff i missed!
-vj concert was gd.
-3 mcs in a week! (record breaking!!!)
-by HIS stripes i will be healed!
-

2 more days!

2 more days to SYF!!
come on hc choir! we can do this. yep, we've really come this far. looking back just makes me realise how much we've worked for this day! so let's just go up on stage, perform our best,fight all the way (with brains of course) and get that GWH! yes!

smth happened on saturday that made me thk quite a bit. i am sorry, hated myself for awhile. it wont happen again. and when she said that word, my heart broke into a million pieces. really. although i wasn't upset to the point tt i wld break down, but i just felt, like xin1 tong4! yep. yes, i know she said it out of anger.. but yep. thankfully, managed to put it aside until practice ended. then images flashed back again and again. it reminded me of that phone call. but yes, shldn't let it affect me. must be strong and continue fighting! haha, i'm a little fighter man!

ya, i died like don't know how many times in the super mario game tt yuntian posted on yahoogrps. lol. i can't even jump across the first hole but i still kept playing and playing for at least 15 mins. then i gave up. going to try again later. HAHA. one day, i will play until the boss. anw, we have our own nintendo game to play on SYF day! yay! i lvoe jap game!

i went swimming just now. felt so hot and i was sneezing non stop during maths tuition. urgh! so i decided to go for a dip and the jacuzzi was very very good. haha. somehow i love the taste and smell of chlorine. HAHA. yep, hmm, next time i shall have a water bed. a water bed filled with chlorine water. haha, so that when i slp i'll feel as though i'm slping in the pool. lol.

so, why is keanu reeves never a magician?

duh? cause he ''MEI2-TRICKS''

IT'S SO FUNNY RIGHT? and no one found it funny =((

easy-peasy?

prince hal:
i know you all, and will a while uphold
the unyoked humour of your idleness
yet herein will i imitate the sun
who doth permit the base contagious clouds
to smother up his beauty from the world,
that when he please again to be himself,
being wanted,he may be more wondered at
by breaking through the foul and ugly mists
of vapours that did seem to strangle him
if all year were playing holidays,
to sport would be as tedious as to work
but when they seldom come, they wished for come
and nothing pleaseth but rare accidents
so when this loose behaviou i throw off
and pay the debt i never promised
by how much better than my word i am
by so much shall i falsify man's hopes
and light bright metal on the sullen ground,
my reformation, glittering o'er my fault,
shall show more goodly and attract more eyes
than that which hath no foil to set it off. (not that i have a foil in the first place)
i'll so offend to make offence a skill,
reedeeming time when man least think i will.

shakespeare in king henry iv part 1 act 1 scene 2-

somehow, i thk it's not as easy as how the prince makes it to be. for the prince, he cld switch to a different side immediately cause everything was part of his plan, how he wanted to fool arnd and live days of buffoonery. but usually no one wld do such stuff right? i mean like portray yourself in such bad light so that ultimately when you decide to be ''more yourself'', people will give you more credit and praise?

i love this soliloquy. beautiful language.

understanding

i really really pray for understanding. for everyone. yes.
and it's 5 days to syf! it's really exciting.
discipline, self control, consistency are the things we really need right now. and i know we can do it.
give her assurance..

and i pray that father you'll be with her every step of the way. even though she may be tired.. father god, i ask you give her the strength and help her know that she can be dependent on you.

i thank god for pple whom i can pray with. today's prayer meetg with some of the choir pple really made me feel refreshed..felt much more energized after the prayer session. indeed, we have a faithful god and he will see us through. amen.

indeed, when the oceans rise and thunders roar, i'll soar with you, above the storm. father you are king over the floods, i'll be still and know you are god. let's really be still and depend on god. know his power and trust that he will deliver us. it is not going to be by our strength that we achieve it but by HIS will and HIS strength. and we have full assurance and faith that we are going to get it because we have a powerful god to back us up. we have a mighty and gracious god who is with us every step of the way. we are singing from victorious ground. so let us be courageous and not fear. amen?

she nearly died

omgoodness! my brother nearly murdered beverly. thank god, i managed to revive her. phew. beverly's my pink ipod nano by the way. yes, that doesn't mean tt she cldnt have died. urgh. thank god!

ooh, other than that, vch rehearsal that day was not that gd. sigh. i regretted slping at 2.30 the night before. was doing my PI and hopefully it's fine now cause my first draft wasnt gd and i had to redo it. but yes, i shall refrain from slping so late in future. sigh, must excercise more responsibility! but i believe although it's one more week, we can achieve so much better! we really can! but yea, thank god for seok and lishan whom i can pray with anytime..go go go choir! it's exactly 7 more days! so i walked with the choir to marina that day but i left after tt, didnt take lunch. haha, needed the quiet and i was just burnt out i guess. but haha, had fun racing seok up the flight of stairs at marina sq entrance. yep, it's quite shuang. the feeling of adrenaline. exactly what i needed. hee, everyone else thought we were mad. yea, the company that day was great. wished i cld be at the jazz concert that night though. i love jazz. and i have a sudden craze for classical music. and yes, i am madly in love with the theme from swan lake! <33

oh haha, i was late for sch on monday. the ehartless bus driver totally didnt wait for me. and 153 takes really long to come! hmm, shall i take train tmr or bus?

anw, i have a new found courage! and yea, thank god for adeline who sent me this article that day. was very very encouraged by it. it was on how we shld thank god for everything no matter what. and ya, no matter how bad our day was, there was bound to be smth we can give thanks for. yea, so i give thanks for wonderful friends, family? we had a seriously no link conversation over lunch today. i was spamming my brother with KI stuff although i dont take KI. i was telling him how i thk it would be great if humans eat for leisure and not a necessity. and my dad suddenly said that the salted egg wasn't salty cause they didnt preserve it during a full moon. like what on earth? i laughed until i teared. so random and no sense at all? omg. retarded la.

ya, back to the article, it mentioned on how we shldnt focus too much on our problems because god placed us in problems to see how we deal with them, and ultimately, god is interested in shaping and moulding our character too. so my focusing on our problems all the time, thking tt my life is dysfunctional just makes me a selfish person. yes, so that was my new found courage.. thk it served like a strong reminder. and i thank god for it. perhaps it was a drink from the water of life that i have been thirsting for, for such a long time. never been so refreshed. so, for now, i am a happy girl. shall remain positive. esp. for chem lect. test tmr. <333 i love chem with every fibre of my being. lol. lishan thought i was for real when i msged her that.

oh well, missed the altos today. i hope you all had a fruitful practice today aat yuhan's place. argh! heard abt the food and bonding that i missed!! and of course sectionals.. shall attempt to practice myself a little after dinner. yep, amazingly, i cld sing with ring at vch that day.. as in, we were doing a warm up with miss lim.. the one that started frm F# then to high F# then arpeggios down.. i cld actually ring on the high F#. was quite excited.. maybe i shld try it tonight again. sometimes i find tt to get the ring and find my placement, have to sing higher notes first. if it works, i shld try on that pitch from now on.

yes, dinner at sgn gardens today.. equates to beef horfun as usual. and fish soup for my parents.