Rejoice

i was reading Philippians 1 last night before i went to bed.
and i felt very encouraged after it. basically, it's because i found it amazing that even when Paul is in chains, he can still stand firm and rejoice in the lord. like it's just amazing how in the worse of all situations, in prison, he can still praise god with thanksgiving.

even more, i think this paragraph really struck me.

19for I know that through your prayers and the help given by the Spirit of Jesus Christ, what has happened to me will turn out for my deliverance.

(when i read this i was reminded of how i should have faith, and have full assurance that God will deliver me from my situation, after all, i think i really have a lot of people backing me up with prayer besides praying for myself. and yes, whatever that i am going through, serves to develop perseverance, it's definitely a test of my faith. and like what she told me, she thinks God called her to place me in Happy Chocolate jc because of this very reason. YES, BELIEVE THAT WTV TEST THAT I AM PLACED IN NOW, WIIL TURN OUT TO DELIVER ME, TO TEACH ME. and yes, i agree that sometimes we may not be fully convicted in the things we believe through the lessons we've learnt.that's why God will continue to teach us through our daily circumstances.)

20I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death. 21For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.


22If I am to go on living in the body, this will mean fruitful labor for me. Yet what shall I choose? I do not know!

23I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far;

24but it is more necessary for you that I remain in the body.

25Convinced of this, I know that I will remain, and I will continue with all of you for your progress and joy in the faith,

26so that through my being with you again your joy in Christ Jesus will overflow on account of me.

(back to my sharing)
to think that i actually thought that it would be extremely fantaastic if i could go to heaven like NOW. haha, i recall mike asking this question at service that day, and i was lamenting to my brother that.. yes like totally, i would want to go to heaven now now now.cause there isn't any studying in heaven right? haha! yes, it's always good to to expect gifts that are stored for us in heaven and be excited about it, but i thk i am reminded of smth which is to know what it means to suffer for Christ.

in paul's case,he suffered for Christ while preaching the gospel. and because of what he did and the attitude he chose to adopt, others became more bold to speak the living word and more encouraged to stand firm in their faith. so, in that way, God's purpose is fulfilled through him. Similarly, i saw it as how Christ may be glorified when i emerge victorious from the situation i am now in.

haha, an angel resides in my room with good news. It says, "This is a great test, be not afraid. God's holding your hand. the victory is near." yes, that's what i want to encourage everyone else too.

yes, back to the aspect on joy. www.dictionary.com says that 'joy' means to be glad.. i guess the word 'glad' portrays this feeling of being contented. and now i see even more clearly what Enai meant when she was sharing on how 'joy' does not equate to feeling happy but rather, to be contented. i realised paul mentioned the word 'joy', 'rejoice' more than once in the chapter. how he continues to pray with joy, rejoice knowing that he is not alone in his prayers, rejoice even though people preach with false intentions..

i think we can all learn from paul to praise god in all circumstances, for all things..to be prayerful and joyful knowing that God does things with a purpose..

breathtaking passage.
makes me want to continue studying the book of Philippians.

on a side note, school feels considerably more relaxing now that choir has stopped. but i guess not only choir la, but perhaps i am feeling more comfortable with everyone else around me.

well, for now, i'm good, besides the fact that i need to keep to my schedule of studying.

exaaams!

so here's the schedule for my promos:

24th sept:
-GP 0815-1145
-Econs 1300-1600

25th sept:
-Chem 0815-1115

28th sept:
-Math 0815-1115

1st Oct:
-Bio 0815-1015

2nd Oct:
-MOCK SPA SKILL A BIO 1300-1400

please keep me in prayer =) thanks so much.
oh well, another week has gone by and yes, it's pretty late now. i just completed my EOM.
on a side note, i guess this week has just been a very encouraging week? not that i didnt have my downs this week but yes, managed to read a blog or two and i feel blessed by them? it's seeing how people stand firm in their faith despite whatever they're going through that makes me want to be strong too.

well, think i have been trying to sort out my thoughts again and again and again, to only find that i still cry, tear still get frustrated and stressed out... yes, but after yesterday, i told myself, no more of those. to thk i felt a little ashamed on wed because of a little incident. yes, perhaps it was a blessing in disguise because if it didnt happened, it wouldn't have softened someone's heart and i'm glad it did, because i can feel that it is causing a change in someone. otherwise, i felt like i needed to ust let everything out yet after the whole hoo-ha, i felt bad about being so huliqunao... or just emotionally weak la. oh yes, it's really the promos that's getting into everyone, making everyone stressed. 32 more days.

yes, no more breaking down after wed. because you know i feel really blessed by the people around. my family, choir friends.. everyone's just been so understanding and supportive, and encouraging. i thank god for friends who could spare the time to sit and pray with me, to listen to my cries, to comfort me..i thank god for teachers who were genuinely concerned and cared. i thank god for people who would choose not to pamper me but urge me to stand up when i fall, to share with me her personal struggles and how god has been faithful, to assure me that i was fine, to counsel me the whole car ride, to advise me on the next step, to keep me in prayer, to promise to monitor me...she believes god is working something in me, teaching me smth during this period..i thk so too..

and yes, i prayed that at this point, i really don't know what to do, and i can't do it by myself and i'm not going to do it by my own strength or try to go my own way. i heard a podcast just now abt faith in god and how we always try to tell god what to do and what we want, not letting him mould us or guide us. yes, in a way, i have been that way.. and so, no more.. at this point,i really can't do anything already. all i know is that i just have to try my best and trust god. no doubting anymore. i shall not fear, cause victory is near. and i have victory because i have jesus.

i'm going to be patient and see god's miracle unfold in my life. and i'm certain that it will. god is really good. the moment i read my emails, the daily devotion read "do not be anxious abt anyth. but with prayer and petition presents your requests to god, and the peace that transcends all understanding shall guard your heart and mind in Christ Jesus." amen to that.

and yes, although i still find it hard to experience joy in school,joy meaning being CONTENTED at where i am, knowing that god has placed me there for a purpose, i am going to throw away my entire mindset abt hating school. i am going to start loving school, start loving the people around me including those who pretend they care. yes, i got to be brave and courageous, cause the lord is behind me in this battle.

other than that, i've got 2 hrs to catch some slp before i wake for school tmr. it's friday. yay!

hiatus

haha, i went on hiatus and that's what i am going to do just yet.
how ironic. i am updating now to say that i am going to stop writing til the exams are over?
ok. life's been err.. challenging.

1)trying to find joy in what i do, find joy in HIM.
2)trying to put off all other distractions till the end of exams.
3)trying to move away from the past knowing that the past was a memory blessed by GOD. and from there, move on. not going to be very helpful or good to hold on so much. have to be independent, strong.. not for myself but for others also.

coming to that, i was actually listening to dolly suite by gabriel faure that day and i immediately remembered the times i had practices with aiwei. and eine klein nachtmusik kv 525 by dearest Amadeus.

i miss prokofiev and mep. and i never realised how much i really loved it till i listened to it again. must be too blinded and irritated while studying it for MEP last yr. sigh.

4)trying to stop doing all sorts of stupid stupid things.

yes, that's life so far.
promos: 25sept-2nd october

i really want to go to j2. now now, don't come to me and say that is definitely possible or whatever consolation you have for me because it is really that difficult. ya, and i have to put in the extra effort to do so. and if you do not understand my predicament then i suggest you shouldn't come to me saying that i should not study so hard.
well, on second thoughts, ya, it's definitely possible to go to j2 because i have GOD. now, how's that?

i really hate it when a whole lot of contradictions start to plague my mind.

i love prokofiev and i think that the 2nd movement is awesome.