somehow

i don't know how. i really don't know.
but somehow i will get through this week and the next.
i want to trust god in this.
so, somehow, i'll still be alive.

excuse me!

my name is CHERIE, and not cheryl.

ok, i think i am being a total...( i give you a hint, it starts with the letter B).
argh! i'm sorry.
sometimes i wonder what it was like to be GOD. i mean, god is someone who is so powerful.. like woah you know. you can do all things. and like wow. just wow. ever wondered how it wld feel to be able to do ALL things? haha, like change all weekends to weekdays and all weekdays to weekends vice versa! school wld be saturday and sunday, and holidays would be from monday to friday.. change all teachers to students and all students to teachers. change all roads and cars and everything around into colours just like townsville! (in case you were wondering where that is, it's a tiny little non existant village where the powerpuff girls live) oh cuteness! KAWAII NEH! (thats your cue to open your eyes wider and put a victory handsign at the corner of your right eye, say cheese!)

haha, i sound like some little girl who absolutely loathes primary school. well kid, check out jc life!
ohmy, i think there's a schizo in me.
how cute.
i talk to myself.
oh i forgot, i am weird, remember?

where was i? oh yes i remember.

i think i change my mind of wanting to be such a powerful being because being god is tiring. not that i tried, like bruce almighty. but yes, can you imagine hearing everyone's prayers like all at one shot. it's so amazing how god can do it.. like store so many prayers in his head.. or file them up..or even reply all prayers. like how? bruce almighty died doing that. and god can do it, simply cause he is GOD! haha.
i changed my mind because i think i would go crazy. in fact i already am. i can't stand it when my head is cramped up with so many things to thk abt and i have to share the space inside my head with econs notes and bio and math and etcetera etcetera. like help! (whince) and i thk it drives me mad cause i can't focus properly sometimes on things that i shld be thinking abt.

so, if i were god, i would die doing my job. cause.. my brain space is just. that small.

ahh! my head feels like a timebomb waiting to be explodedddddddddddddd
(to be said like in the song "jaacobin iso pojat" jacob's twelve sons)
just like judaa...ddddddddddd
and sebulonnnnnnnnnnnnnnn (don't forget, in triplet time!)

evidently, i have gone mad. and sometimes i wish our brains were made in a way where our memory of things are stored in hard drives. so we can store different things in different hard drives and when we are suppose to thk of this then we put in this thumb drive. when we are not, we simply just take it out and voila, we dont have to think abt it.

god is good, all the time! he puts a song of praise in this heart of mine.

the only way to stay sane is to break out into songs of hope and joy, asking god to fill my heart with peace. he promises peace. "peace i give to you, and peace i live with you.. i do not give as the world gives.." and how this peace that he gives transcends all understanding.

farewell

every beat of my heart:corrinnemay

So here we stand
Anchored in hope
Letting the rain wash away every fear
Stars in the sky
Twinkle and shine
I pray they won't disappear

'Cause I don't know
where your journey goes
or how long it will take to unfold
But as long as we keep this moment shining in the dark
I will be watching over every beat of your heart

I wish that time
Could be replayed
I'd keep you here with me everyday
They say that love is letting go
I hope that you find your way

'cause I don't know
where your journey goes
or how long it will take to unfold
But as long as we keep this moment shining in the dark
I know you're watching over every beat of my heart

yes, i guess this song really expresses what i feel for all of the seniors. farewell went not bad and i am glad. there are so many lessons to be learnt and taken out of this event. but i am just thankful for all of my batchmates who helped one way or another. thanks for all the effort! =) it's very heartwarming to see everyone really working together and encouraging each other esp. during the short debrief that we had. it's really the beginning for us.

i love rioHC.

what does it mean to face your fears?

hmm, what does it mean to face your fears?
this question suddenly came to mind as i visualised myself standing on the shores of the bahamas.
and as i stood facing the deep blue ocean, i saw a huge wave swarming towards me.
it was more than a wave, it was a towering tsunami.
and i had a choice.
am i going to run for my life? or am i going to face my fear, knowing that i will probably die and drown in it?
am i going to be practical and save myself from the jaws of death? or am i going to take that step of faith?
blessed are those who believe but have not seen, amen?

church camp was really good for me. i mean, first time being the youngest in a group, there's a lot to learn from older people who have gone through much more than you. very encouraged by my groupmates! and yes, i really felt god's presence at camp.

and so it seems.
the decision was clear.
and i took a deep breath as i heard the roaring of the sea..
growing clearer and louder every minute.

zzz.

genesis

i guess it's really the beginning for us j1s huh?
and thank you everyone who believed in me. i love all of you. truly. and ya, i will give it my best, really wld.
and yes, i know whatever that happened at cantare wasn't really luck. it was GOD.
i don't deny god's goodness but sometimes i have my own struggles. like one minute he blesses you, yet the next like almost immediately, smth is in your way again.

will get it sorted out tonight. see you all on the 12th.
hello hello? may i speak to god please?

hey god...

humility

hmm, some stuff have led me to thk abt the true meaning of humility. i believe i have kind of found my revelation, my answer to smth that i have been praying for the past few weeks. but i guess i will continue to pray for confirmation. to me, it is smth very impt and serious. but yes, i am glad there were many signs along the way which truly amazed me, stunned me in a way. thk i said this before. god can be real breath-taking sometimes. he just works in ways that although we might not be able to see immediately but when it takes effect, you just pause to go, wow. and so i did.

the ride on mrt with dijie yesterday strucked me when he questioned me abt my confidence. although i only knew him for hmm, half a yr now, he asked me, what happened to my confidence.. janice questioned this the other day when i was talking to her on the phone as well. i guess this spoke to me somehow and i heard a resounding wake up call in my head from god that because i believed in him, i shld have full confidence in him to carry me through. and of course, this made me really thk and i look back and realise that ya.. what happened to my confidence, my confidence in him. hmm, i guess i have been struggling with humility all this while. had this problem a few yrs back too. came back again. and so, i went to do some reading on humility and yes, true humility is when you do not over pride yourself or BELITTLE yourself in anyway, but yes, it came back to me smth that enai said a few yrs back, to HAVE A CORRECT PERCEPTION OF WHO YOU ARE. and in a way when i was doing qt this morning, i came upon this verse.

romans 12:3 for by the grace god given me i say to each one of you, do not thk of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather, think of yourself with SOBER JUDGEMENT, IN ACCORDANCE WITH THE MEASURE OF FAITH GOD HAS GIVEN YOU.

so i guess i have learnt a lot from this.